Reply To: The Mindset

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Here’s the thing about mind set. It’s a way to organize thoughts you already have. It’s not a way to think thoughts that you currently don’t have. Allow me to explain.

You can tell yourself all you want that you are a confident guy and you don’t care what women think about you. Until you do hundreds and, in some cases, thousands of approaches, you will not actually feel like the confident guy who doesn’t care what women think of him.

All of this talk of mindsets is, in my opinion, pretty useless. No one out there that I have ever seen has suddenly made a breakthrough by willing themselves to think differently about themselves and the women they approach. The “breakthrough” seems to come after the fact, after they’ve done hundreds and sometimes thousands of approaches and are getting pretty desensitized to the whole process. Suddenly, they start seeing things differently, they have a different mindset. But it’s the work that creates the mindset, not the other way around.

The correct analogy is fear of heights. The only therapy that seems to work is gradually exposing yourself to greater and greater heights. Thinking that you are not a person who fears heights and telling yourself that heights don’t matter to you doesn’t actually do anything for you. In fact, statistically speaking, discussing and analyzing your mindset when you fear heights has been shown to do nothing to alleviate your fear of heights.

So, yes, I like most of the mindset that Ryano described as desirable. The problem is, there is no way to get this mindset by thinking about it. You can get it only by approaching.