Reply To: After second date.
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well AA is definitely something that you need to overcome completely. i just don’t have it anymore. i can cold approach a girl when a wake up in the morning barely awake and go to the train station at 8am and not even feel a tinge of it. here a few tips that can help you that have helped me:
1. in order to beat it there’s no substitute repeating it again and again. i’ve probably cold approached upwards of 10k girls half of which daygame half of which nightgame. Paul Janka (who was a personal coach of mine said it best):
when you cold approach a girl for the first time she is 1/1 of your experience, which makes her a big deal. compare that to after you approach 1000 girls now she’s 1/1000=0.001 of your experience, compare that to after you approach 10,000 girls now she’s 1/10000=0.0001 of your experience. which basically makes your “jitters” non-existent. this line of thinking by and large had the most impact on me and i can assure you’re it’s true.. when i approach a girl right now she just doesn’t matter at all to me so i can’t get aa. you need to get there, but only way is with sweat equity. if you think you’ll beat it thru forums you’ll never get there. in fact you can be on this forum for another 10 years and you won’t get there. take a trip somewhere. a different city for 2 weeks straight and just approach hundreds and hundreds of girls. it’s the funnest experience you’ll ever have.
2. if you need to “get in state” to talk to a girl you’re just not there yet. i can be completely out of state and still have no problem approaching any girl. if you can’t do this, again refer to to #1 above.
3a. this is for the guys that are worried about the people around you: they simply don’t care about you. the people around you are so busy with what they’re doing they can’t even sense that you’re making an approach. i remember one time i was coaching a friend of mine in a ZARA store and I approached every single girl in the store with him next to me, and I told him to pay attention to the women all around us to see if they notice and not one in the store ever looked up from her shopping, i probably approached 20 in that store with a simple line like “hey, how’s the shopping going?” and just asking her where she’s from etc.
3b. even if everyone stops what they’re doing and finds out you’re hitting on the girl it doesn’t matter. i remember an especially funny moment when i was one day and i kept stopping every girl walking towards me in the street. not a fuck was given that day and i remember telling a girl in front of me to stop. she stopped but 4 other unrelated people stopped to hear what i had to say. that is her, and 4 other people (and the 4 other people were not in the same group, they were just passers by) on the street. i think i just said to her “hi, stop for a second” to stop her. and they all stopped. did i care? nope. i gave her a direct opener right in front of them… the people around her were dumbfounded so i said to them “guys, can you excuse me please? i’m trying to talk to this girl”. and they all just shrugged and walked away. was i embarrassed? no. i didn’t give a fuck about them.
4. it doesn’t matter what you say. i remember battling between indirect and direct for an entire year and trying to figure out what is better. i used to have nightmares about this subject. now i just blurt out whatever i feel like in the moment. it can be either direct or indirect, it doesn’t matter at all to me. and further, you’ll be happen to find out that your success doesn’t rely on direct or indirect either especially if you just ask for the damn number at the end of it which is the most important thing.
5. everyone around you is 100% focused on themselves. it’s like we live in a competition. i see the looks on people’s faces when they walk next to me. everyone is self-centered. they don’t care if i live or die. so in order to “retaliate” i become self-centered too in the way that i put my goals and what i want so much above other people now adays it’s ridiculous. as far as i’m concerned they’re all objects that i could care two shits about. when i asked you if you get approach anxiety if you talk to a rock, the answer is probably no. well guess what, everyone around me is a rock. i can’t help it anymore i just see them that way. even though it’s not politically correct etc. it’s just the way it is. and it happened organically from all my approaching. but the great thing about it i can literally do whatever the hell i want to in the world and it’s incredibly liberating. so to get good at this, i urge you to objectify people. to see them a the little lego-people they are that don’t give two shits about you and you in turn don’t give two shits about them.