Reply To: "spontaneous" vs "structured"

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If a girl gives you the opportunity to find out something interesting about her and you don’t take it, you’re nuts. That’s when you should deviate from your script.

But if she’s just bantering and you’re going with it at the expense of topics that are important to you, you are missing an even bigger opportunity. Same goes for any point in the conversation. When it’s just meaningless chit chat, I like to bring it right back to what’s important.

At the end of the interaction she should know some of the things that are important to you, and you should know how she feels about those things, as well as some of the things that are important to her. She should understand that you have high standards, that you’re not excited about every beautiful girl who spends a little time bantering with you. That has a very powerful effect.

To me, all of the supposedly different “natural” approaches that we see in these videos are really the same. The words may be different, but the content is almost identical. Ask a meaningless question or make a meaningless comment. Compliment her, compliment her, compliment her. Banter, banter, banter. Ask for her number. The guy leaves knowing nothing about the girl. The girl leaves knowing nothing about the guy.

It’s as if the time between 830AM and 5PM – the time when we go to work or go to school – doesn’t exist. It’s as if art, music, literature, and film don’t exist. It’s as if we all work restaurant jobs that we don’t want to talk about. It’s as if all of our lives revolve around light flirting and making each other feel desired, and that’s the only skill we want to exercise with a potential romantic partner.

There are a few guys out there who understand that our lives are about more than just our ability to banter, but for the most part, all of the videos out there are really just slightly re-worded versions of the above.

That’s why all of my students say something different, something unique about their jobs, their interests, their families, their relationships, and sex. Everyone is unique, so what they say is unique, the ACTUAL CONTENT, not just the words.