Approach Forum » Sexual Escalation, Dating and Relationships

1. Jona
   Member

   Hiya guys, Ive thought along time before posting this but I seem to be ALWAYS get stuck in the same loop of lets just be friends, the last 5/6 girls that I saw had dating potential ended with that...

   I wonder if theres something im doing wrong or if i'm just terribly unlucky, what are the main things to avoid to being "lets just be friends"-ed ??

   I'll give my last dating experience as a pointer, maybe it helps somewhat:
   I met girl at some party with friends, just hanging out, gave her a little more attention than to the others.. we head back to her place , just say goodnight and she ends up kissing me.. couple of days later she's like I dont want you to have expectations ,... im like whatever . She really wants to meet up so we got amusement park.. fun fun.. no kissing/making out though.. we meet up again for the movies the next weekend, we end up kissing for a bit again.. and now she "just wants to be friends" again..

   I dont really see anything Im doing sooo wrongly ... except perhaps that i treat them the same way i'd treat a regular friend (+ some teasing & the occasional compliment)

   Hmm I'm rambling on and on, hope anyone can give me a few pointers to not get into this situation again cus its ruining my self-confidence after this happening several times..

   Thanks in advance!

   jonathan

   Posted 1 month ago

2. skypirate
   Member

   Some girls will have NO interest in you sexually - I mean do YOU find every girl attractive? NO - don't expect them to be much different.The only main difference I see is that girls will be reluctant to tell the truth, if you are not their type, because they value socialising more than sex a lot of the time.

   Posted 1 month ago

3. Jona
   Member

   I get that, but when it happens several times I'd start to think theres more going on ;s Perhaps Im just becomign paranoid

   Posted 1 month ago

4. Eric Disco
   Host

   You are doing something wrong. You're not just unlucky. Luckily, you can do something to change this.

   She's losing interest in you most likely because she doesn't see you as any kind of mystery or challenge. You're projecting a nice, safe vibe for her.

   You're obviously doing something right initially, because you are getting dates. So don't beat yourself up here. You just need to maintain that tension in some way.

   You can do that through banter, getting sexual really fast, being unpredictable, push/pull, and really just avoiding being too nice to her.

   Fuck with her a little bit. Make her wonder whether she has you. Flirt with the waitress or other women on the date. Tell her that she's not your type and you guys would never get a long. Forget to return one of her text messages.

   You don't have to do all of this stuff. A little goes a long way. But throw *something* in there to make it more interesting and less predictable for her.

   You also want to go easy on the compliments. You really don't need to compliment a woman at all. There's really no need for it. It just over-validates her and gives her ego a boost. Instead, what you want to do is appreciate her as a person. "You're really smart." vs. "Wow, you went to engineering school? I like that. Not many women do that."

   It's also possible you're doing something else on the date, like spilling your problems or talking about your mother, or revealing your mental illness, so I can't tell you exactly what it is that is turning these women off, but making things more exciting and unpredictable for her is a good place to start.

   Eric

   Posted 1 month ago

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