Approach Forum » Approach Anxiety

1. Slimm
   Member

   I first want to say Thanks to Eric for the blogs, articles and podcast interviews. They've all been great and real insightful...

   So I read the E-book and I want to try the things suggested in it, but one of the things I'm insecure about is my wardrobe. I have very few things to wear - a pair of jeans, and a couple t-shirts. Thankfully my job supplies a uniform. I have my own apartment but rent and bills leaves me with very little spending money. Is this an area of my life I should try to fix before even trying to go out everyday? or even trying to date?
   I wouldn't feel too confident being seen in the same clothes everyday. Or is this just an excuse I'm making up for not getting off my ass and trying to get better?

   Posted 1 month ago

2. Eric Disco
   Host

   Hey Slimm,

   It's good you're thinking about this stuff. Finding a great look for yourself can make a huge difference. Women notice that stuff. In a lot of ways, what you wear is even more important than your physical looks when it comes to women because it communicates your social intelligence.

   But I wouldn't wait too long before you take physical action in meeting women. There will *always* be something you can improve. The physical initiatives you take will be much more important than changing your look.

   If you want to get clothes on the cheap, there are a few things you can do. You can go to vintage stores, and thrift stores and find very cool things. You can also find hugely discounted stuff at sample sales, warehouse sales, and ebay. The only problem with these places is that if you don't know what to look for, you might not find the coolest stuff you can.

   That's why I would suggest going into the most expensive stores you can find. Go look at the top fashion name brands like D&G, Burberry, etc. Look at the clothes there and get a good idea for what's in style now. Then go back to vintage stores and thrift stores and find similar stuff. You'd be amazed that you can find a very similar shirt that costs $600 for only $12 at a thrift or vintage store.

   Eric

   Posted 1 month ago

3. Slimm
   Member

   Thanks for the suggestion... But I guess what really bothers me is my Financial Situation. I can't even imagine spending money for some of these workshops and I figure that some of the guys that do are in a better financial situation (although, I might try the Landmark Forum thing and put it on my credit card, but I get anxiety thinking about attending that).

   So anyway, I guess my real question is where should a MAN be financially before he sets off on attracting women to date?

   Are there any broke PUAs that are successful?

   I look younger but I'm in my 30's and I'm not sure if that has something to do with it. I know anywhere is a good start when you have social anxiety, but I want to find someone to date seriously and it seems the women I'm attracted to are smart, intelligent, professional women. My goal isn't to bed a bunch of girls.

   Posted 1 month ago

4. Slimm
   Member

   I think I found my answer.

   I got the book "The Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida in the mail yesterday and the first couple chapters really hit home with me.
   I thought I'd share a couple passages.

   "Most postponements are a lack of creative discipline. Limited MONEY and family obligations have never stopped a MAN who really wanted to do something..."

   "... a MAN should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act with spontaneous skill and love even from that place".

   Posted 1 month ago

5. Tz
   Member

   I had a friend once who used to always complain that he couldn't get a woman because he didn't have any money. He was under the delusion that you had to wine and dine 'em and buy them a mansion. But the fact of the matter was that he was actually a good looking guy and women were checking him out everywhere we went. He could've had his pick if he had changed his mindset, even if his wallet stayed empty. But he lived with blinders on and saw only what he believed.

   On the subject of places that sell expensive clothing for cheap, there's places like Filene's Basement that often have great deals. I don't know where you live but if there isn't a Filene's near you, there's probably a similar kind of place. Google is your friend.

   Posted 1 month ago

6. skypirate
   Member

   Slimm - good advice in the posts. With myself I feel there's probably 100 things I can improve. maybe there's an article on this - approaching when you know you are far from perfect.

   I think you can reframe things as practice or experiments until you're more comfortable with your overall situation

   Posted 1 month ago

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