I have know a 34 year old woman for months now and met her recently for first time, Im 36. I tried to build rapport and told stories about myself on the night we met but Ive noticed shes not replying to my texts or emails as much as she did do before we met. When we met it was just me and her in a local pub. It started out good but its now a race against time to keep her interested. Im trying to keep her interested by not showing wimpy needy behaviour, not instantly replying to her texts straight away and teasing her in a playful fun way but I have this feeling in my stomache that this is gonna be the third woman in a month that im gonna drop the ball with. Whats the best way forward in this situaiton? Thanks
Approach Forum » Rapport and Conversation
What to do next?
(9 posts)-
Posted 1 month ago
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It's difficult to give you advice without knowing the specifics of the situation, like how many times you've gone out, how often you text/call each other, what kind of things you say over text. Why do you feel like it's a race against time?
This article here might help you: Advanced Tactics to Turn Back the Tide.
Eric
Posted 1 month ago -
Sorry i will explain the specifics...
It was a first date and I felt it was a race against time as each woman I meet it never works out for me because they stop contacting me or become lukewarm in their response. Then I end up back where I started. However recent events have shed some light on this matter. I found out shes been getting hit on a lot as shes a hot 10! and feels all men want her for is sex. I have told her that friendship is more important to me and she feels assured. I told her Im not after a quick fix as I have options in life. Ive been using lots of negging & teasing and it seems to be working great so far. Shes an extremly busy and tired woman and Im sure this is a major contribution to her lack of interest and contact at moment. I know this scenario could turn like past dates as I cant change things beyond my control but I hope this time they are more favourable for me. It just feels at times like an unending wave of failures with dating and women for me personaly. I text her once or twice a day but not everyday. I send a joke or a negg her in a playful way.
She told me she wants to meet me again but this weekend she is just going to stay in as her finances are tight at moment. I suggested I could go over to her house to keep her company as a friend by suggesting she has no mates (negging her) so she needs me as imher only friend.Posted 1 month ago -
I feel its sometimes a race against time because im guessing that women who show initial interest forget about me and move on. I know many opportunites come up for a woman between when I meet them for the first time and when i expect to meet them again. It seems to be happening very often in my situation. I know the first meeting is crucial to build maximum rappot, comfort and ending things on a high note with them so they want more but how do i know im doing this the right way? Storytelling? DHV, Negging? What works best to make a solid impression on a first date? And maximize chances for a second one? I feel a guy like me gets pushed to the back of their minds and they move on because they dont keep in touch with me.
Posted 1 month ago -
So you seem to be doing the right thing when you first meet them. You're getting dates. But you're doing something to fuck it up on the date.
That tells me that you're doing something on your dates to turn them off. Typically it's neediness. But it could be any combination of other things. It's possible you need to talk less on your dates and get her talking more. It could be where you're taking them on these dates. It could be that you come across as needy and put too much pressure on her. It could be that you're not sexual enough with her.
I wrote this article a while back called, 10 Rules for the Perfect First Date. Are you following all of these outlined here?
Eric
Posted 1 month ago -
Maybe thats what it is i will try to " monitor" myself from now on and not be such a wussy. I do recall i felt self consious and a bit nervous because i was running out of things to talk about with her i was searching my mind for things to say to keep the interaction alive so a mix of been self concious and not having things to say was likely a contributing factor. This time last year I was getting no dates, no phone numbers, no interest nothing at all. just shows its possible if you get your inner game fixed first the possibilities are there. Thanks for the tips and help.
Posted 1 month ago -
How do I stop showing needieness then? When on dates I playfully neg, have strong eye contact, do lots of bodily contact by doing HI-5's, touching them on their arms and hands etc when appropiate. Show confidence by positive body language. Whats missing?
Posted 1 month ago -
You can show less neediness by ending dates early. You can also end phone conversations first. You want to keep them short anyway, less than ten minutes.
Let her contact her more than she contacts you.
When she texts you, sometimes text her back right away, sometimes wait ten minutes, sometimes wait two hours, and sometimes don't text her back at all.
And if you do text back and forth, always let her send the last text. It's like having the last word.
When she's with you, make her feel like she's tagging along with you, rather than focusing too much attention on her. You do this with body language.
Don't give her too much eye contact. Only give her eye contact when you're in deep conversation, and even then, look away first.
Don't ever face her, always see if you can get her to face you. If you are touching each other, pull her into you, into your side instead of face-to-face (unless you're making out with her.)
When you do pull her into you and give her attention, push her away right afterward. Try to avoid any compliments unless you're in bed with her. And if you do compliment her, push her away afterward. "You're really sexy... too bad you're such a brat."
Neediness often manifests as nice guy. Try to avoid being too nice. Be a bit of an asshole if you can. Let her pay for some stuff.
Try to disagree with at least one thing she says. It shouldn't be something major where you're going to have an argument like over politics or religion, it should be something minor like over whether a movie was good or something like that. Make it clear to her that you aren't always giving her a "Yes." Women can tell when you kiss their asses.
Allow there to be some silences when you hang out with her. It's good to do lot's of bodily contact, but also be willing to pull away and be cold to her sometimes. Let the conversation drop and see if she picks it up. Be willing to be uncomfortably silent for a bit.
You can also try this. Be fun and flirty during a date, and then turn it off at a certain point. Keep being fun and flirty with everyone else, like the bartender, etc., but don't give her any more.
Eric
Posted 1 month ago -
Great pointers eric. I had to bookmark this last response it was great.
Posted 1 month ago
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