Things are moving pretty fast now with my new book and training program, She’s Six Steps Away.

First off, we now have an official launch date and time:

Tuesday, May 22nd at 4 PM Eastern

As I write this, it is just six days away!

It has been a long road, and I still have a few details to square away.

But it is going to be a huge relief to get this launched and get it out into your hands.

Early reviews for the book are coming back and they are exciting!

There’s a reason for that:

This program is gound-breaking in it’s simplicity. It teaches you how to do one single thing: start conversations with women you don’t know.

This is not the entire piece of the puzzle when it comes to women, but it is the first step and most important step.

Why?

It’s almost impossible to practice any of these other skills discussed here if you can’t consistently get into conversations with new women.

The problem is that so many guys just can’t make the leap. They have too much anxiety too walk up to a woman and start talking with her.

If that’s you, you’re not alone.

Over and over I’ve seen this as the biggest stumbling block for guys who try to improve with women. That’s why I’ve dedicated myself to helping guys get past this hurdle.

It is possible and I’ve seen guys do it over and over.

I’ve coached over 40 guys through my Six Step Method program.

All these guys, including ones with crippling anxiety, have gotten past their fear.

For these guys, starting conversations with women is an natural, automatic process, something they do every day now.

She’s Six Steps Away is based on my client sessions, guys exactly like you.

Here is a review I just got back:

“Where your method really shines is the way you advocate a step-by-step progression of small and manageable actions that build a safe and gradual feeling of accomplishment and self-confidence.

The use of graded exposure is the best way to overcome any anxiety, and extending that framework so it continues into the interaction is also helpful to relieve the tension of where to lead a conversation.

We’re not just handed a bunch of tricky lines and techniques and thrown out into the wild with a pat on the back and a “good luck, son”.

These are a concrete progression of steps to help us improve, and in the process, have some fun.

It’s possible you may get flak from some who might argue that your process is too rudimentary. “This won’t get me laid” etc.

But then they probably don’t understand what some of us have had to battle with. You do.

And as this book is designed specifically as an introduction to the approach, yours is the kind of book that will truly generate results for people suffering from approach anxiety.

Thankfully, this 6 step method has made me excited about getting out there again, it’s made me enthusiastic about taking action.

But perhaps most importantly, it’s made me appreciate the fact that I can enjoy the process of connecting with attractive women.

Thanks for a really great read.”

- Mark Shew, Dallas, TX

They’ll tease you and bust on you.

And occasionally, they’ll be downright mean.

It can get confusing because if a girl says something “mean” to you, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.

In fact, it could mean the exact opposite.

After all, we are using the same exact tools: busting on her and having fun with her.

If you’re going to dish it out, you should be able to dish it in.

That’s why it’s important to learn how to handle resistance from women.

Some people call these “shit tests.” Whether she’s doing it to test you or simply because she plays rough, it’s good to know what to do.

I’ve talked before about how to handle shit from women. The  most basic way to handle it is to ignore it. Move on to a different topic of conversation.

Another way to handle it is to agree and amplify. She says, “You’re shirt is gay.” You agree and then exaggerate what she just said.

“Yup. It was the gayest one I could find in the gay store.”

Another great way I like to handle shit from women is what I call The Sensitive Guy.

If I’ve gone up to her and talked to her, she assumes I’ve got a lot of confidence.

If ever in conversation I’ve told women that it used to be really really hard for me to talk to strangers, they never believe me, even though it’s the truth.

She assumes I have a ton of confidence since I was able to start a conversation with her sober.

So when she says something mean, I’ll call it out and joke that it hurt my feelings.

“Oh my god,” I’ll say. “I can’t believe you said that. I’m so sensitive. Now I’m going to go home and cry all night.”

They always laugh. They can hear in my tone of voice that I’m being sarcastic.

In fact, whenever I say to women anything about being a sensitive guy, they always laugh.

That means I’m doing my job and coming across as just a bit of an asshole rather than a nice guy.

You can even take this whole thing further and bust on her for being mean. And you can continue to interpret things she says as mean later in the conversation.

Every once in a while you can tell her how mean she is.

You can do it so much that after a while, she’s trying to convince you that she’s not mean. It’s fun and puts her gently on the defensive.

1. Something that will consistently make them feel better

2. Something that will consistently make women feel better about them

Searching for these magic bullets will lead to a lot of heartache and pain.

Trying to feel better

Feeling good is huge. It’s one of the most important things in life.

If you’re depressed or unhappy, what’s the point of living?

The thing is, everyone goes through a range of feelings no matter who we are. We all feel happy, sad, fearful, frustrated, joyful, etc.

Anyone who claims they don’t is lying to you.

The same is true around women.

No matter how good you get, sometimes you feel low-confidence.

Maybe at lunchtime I won’t be in the mood to talk with anyone. And then in the evening I”ll start to feel amazing.

Or maybe I’ll feel low-confidence all day and feel great the next day.

Or maybe I’ll feel low-confidence for a week or two.

I’ve talked before about how confidence works in cycles for guys.

You will, at some time, feel low confidence no matter how good you are with women. I guarantee it.

Chasing after that feeling of confidence will leave you running in circles.

You may read something about meeting women-a line or a strategy. It makes you laugh or makes you feel great. It sounds creative and funny.

But then after it bounces around in your head for a while, it’s not funny to you anymore. It stops ‘working.’

So you spend your time looking for the next great opener or the next banter line that makes you feel good when talking with women.

It’s an endless cycle.

Trying to make women feel better about you

The other magic bullet guys look for is what ‘works’ with women.

What works with women can vary a lot depending on how you feel.

One opener may work with one woman. The same opener may not work with another woman.

When trying to improve with women, it can be tough to tell what kind of progress you’re making.

You try to look at:

• How many phone numbers you’re getting.

• How often you go on dates.

• How many women you hook up with.

Your success can be erratic.

Chasing after that phone number, date, or sexual encounter will put you on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs.

It’s not healthy.

But what if I told you there is a magic bullet?

Well there is.

The magic bullet is this:

Taking physical action with your body.

This is what it comes down to.

Willpower is taking action regardless of how you feel. This is what makes you improve in the long run.

When you feel great or confident, it’s not that hard to go out and take initiative.

Once you have a habit in place, it’s like coasting downhill.

It’s those times when it’s tough that you feel like quiting.

So ultimately, we can say…

It’s those times when you don’t feel like taking action that it is most important to get out and do it.

That’s the magic bullet.

Now, is it possible to feel better about taking action?

Absolutely.

In general, the more you put yourself out there–the more you gradually step out of your comfort zone–the better you feel.

It’s not linear…

There are a lot of ups and downs…

But it is possible to feel better about interacting with women.

Is it possible to take action more effectively?

Absolutely.

You try things out. Some things seem to work for a while, and then they stop working. And you can’t tell why.

And then you try more things out and you get better.

Again, it’s not a straight line. There are many ups and downs. But you can become a lot better at affecting women’s feelings.

So you can feel better about yourself and get better at affecting women’s feelings…

…But neither of those is your end goal.

Both of those, if you make those your goal, will lead to frustration.

Your end goal is–and should always be–to take the kind of action you want in order to live your life.

This is no small thing.

This is freedom.

This is the ability to go out and go after what you want.

It makes life worth living. But beyond that…

It is living.

I’m doing my best to respond to each and every one of you.

The number one concern was addressed in this post, “Will this let me be myself around women?”

The number two concern I’m hearing is…

Concern #2: Will the book have actionable information?

Will it give me a focused plan of action that is easy to implement?

Here’s what you guys have been saying:

“I hope it stays true to the AA blog and doesn’t make statements like ‘just be confident,’ while not explaining how. Looking forward to it.”

“I just hope it will be built around practical steps, as I am already familiar with from Erics previous work. There is already enough blabla out there filled with theories and theories about theories by other authors. Make it pracitcal in digestive doses. We all know the theories about atrraction by now.”

And my favorite was someone who said he wants, “walk-throughs please like I’m a nerd.”

Love it!

Again, excellent concern.

Response to concern:

I hate hate hate hate hate reading books that talk theory and fluff and don’t tell you exactly what you need to do.

Did I mention that I hate books that don’t tell you exactly what you need to do?

If I didn’t, let me say it again: I hate books that don’t tell you exactly what you need to do.

So of course, She’s Six Steps Away is built around very specific actions you can take to finally meet all those amazing women you see everywhere you go.

But don’t take my word for it. Let’s hear from someone who managed to get an advanced copy of the book:

“The method (and the book) is fantastic so far, and unlike anything else out there that I’ve read on the subject.

It seems pretty obvious that this will work if one follows the method.

I like how it takes a long term view, rather than trying to be a quick fix.

I’m reminded a bit of another book I’m reading, The Power of Habit… it seems like your method is supported by the research described in that book… it’s just that your method is specifically about getting over inhibition with attractive women.

I also think that forming the habit of walking towards women you find attractive (and being able to start a conversation if you wish… the bottom line, getting that inhibition under control) could very well be what Duhigg calls a “keystone habit”.

Being able to talk to attractive women at will no doubt boost anyone’s confidence and better enable them to advance their career, their other relationships… etc… leading to who knows what?? Maybe a completely different, more fulfilling life?

So far the book is all that I hoped it would be after reading your blog posts and your “Single Most Important Thing” manifesto (a long time ago).

The only thing I thought of that could make the book better, so far, would be to incorporate diagrams of the method. I am reading the “rough” Kindle version, though, so maybe you do have those diagrams in the book.

Bottom line, awesome book so far.”

- Brent B. from Portland Oregon

I want to hear from you. What are your concerns?

And if you just want to drop me a line of encouragement to keep me going, that’s great too. You guys are the key to all of this.

“I’d been reading about how to do it for a while.

Finally one night I said to myself, all right, I’m going to go out tonight and I’m going to try to talk to girls.

I went out to this bar in my neighborhood. It was a Thursday night. A band was playing.

It was somewhat empty, maybe thirty people in the place.

I walked in and walked to the back to get a beer. That’s when I spotted this group of girls.

There were three of them, the only single women in the place.

My goal was just to open a conversation.

I was just going to go up to them and say ‘Hey, is this band any good?’ And then I’ll just go home after that.

I just couldn’t do it.

I stood there. And stood there. It felt like an hour passed.

Finally I just walked out of the bar.

As I was driving home I was so angry at myself that I was literally crying.

I thought, ‘Oh this is so fucking difficult, this is so fucking difficult. Why is this so difficult?’”

—–

This really hits home for me. This stuff isn’t about just banging a few girls. It’s a lot more than that.

What does approach anxiety feel like to you? How has it affected your life?

Answer in the comments below.

This is an article from my friend Hurricane Lee.

Some of you on this site have asked me to break down a good interaction.

Some time ago, Eric and I were at a rooftop bar, a place with a particularly stunning view.

Next to us are three women (later joined by one more).

One of the women has her back to me, but I see her when she came in.

She is tall and smoking hot, wearing a beautiful dress.

I am 45. She is 25, as I will find out later.

I don’t like to open conversation with women who are not looking at me.  But this woman just won’t turn towards me.

I get my chance when she starts to put her hair up in a knot.

When women are that hot, it’s ok to open with something negative.

The Negative Opener

Me: “Get your hair out of my face, sister.”

She: (Steps to my side) “Oh. I am sorry.”

Me: (Ignoring her and pointing at the incredible skyline she just revealed by stepping out of my way) “Look at that. That is fucking gorgeous. This city is my one true love and no woman will ever replace her.”

She laughs. I laugh. Her girlfriends are playing with my skull bracelet (I like to wear stuff that gets women’ attention).

The hot woman and I start talking.

Refusing To Follow the Hot Girl Script

I am not playing along with the hot girl script. I am not giving her the validation she expects.

I’m not telling her how smart she is, how accomplished she is. I’m doing things that show she still has to work for it.

A few times, she tries to reign me in.

For example, I do this thing where I let my eyes wander while we’re talking. Only when I want to reward her do I give her brief but intense eye contact.

She is totally unaccustomed to this lack of attention.

At one point, she snaps her fingers in front of my nose and says “Hey! My eyes are right here.”

I stretch my arm out to present the beautiful city. “Look! Look at all you have to compete with. You’re going to have to work for that attention,” I say.

We laugh. There’s a little tension, but it’s the good kind.

She’s not sure whether I’m not interested or interested but deliberately fucking with her head.

The Take Away

Five minutes into the conversation, her friend shows up, another hot girl.

My girl says hello and introduces me. I compliment the new woman on her outfit, then:

Me: “Ok, you have to talk to your friend. I also have a friend here and I am going to go catch up with him.”

Her: “You don’t have to.”

Me: “I have to. It’s called friendship.”

Her: “I might not be here when you get back.”

Me: “That’s a chance I’m going to have to take. Remember this word, friendship.”

I smile and give her a hug, then walk away.

Taking Charge

I go sit with Eric on one of the couches. We talk for a while.

The woman makes sure to stay in my field of vision the whole time.

I ignore her.

Finally, she and her friends sit right near us. I tell her to switch seats with her friend so she can be next to me.

I also tell Eric to go sit next to the hot friend. By arranging everyone this way, I create the illusion that I am in charge.

Looking For Big Indicator of Interest

I spend another ten minutes chatting with her, and sometimes with her pals.

Eric is winging but is now hitting on the hottie friend, so I feel no pressure at all.

This time, my woman excuses herself to go to the bathroom with her friend.

When she comes back, her hair is down again, looking super sexy.

Big indication of interest.

We talk some more. I’m at peak energy in this interaction. What should I do?

The Exit

At peak energy, there are only two places to go: 1) the bedroom, or 2) lower energy.

She’s with friends, one of whom she hasn’t seen in a while.

Even if all I wanted was a hookup – which I don’t – the logistics are bad.

I’d have to abandon my friend, a demonstration of lower value. She’d have to abandon her friends who all want to stay out.

It’s not a good plan.

Instead, I’m going to take this opportunity to do the one thing she least expects. I leave.

I stand up and motion for her to stand up. I hug her and whisper in her ear:

Me: “I’m leaving.”

Her: “What? Why?”

Me: “Gotta get up early. I’m an old man. I need plenty of sleep.”

Her: “Oh you suck.”

Me: “Hey, you’ve heard of this thing… (pause) The Internet?”

She laughs.

I do my funny card close (previously posted somewhere on this site).

She plays along, but she’s not taking my card.

She’s fumbling in her purse for her own card. It’s a business card so she runs off to ask the bartender for a pen to write her personal cell phone.

I hug her and kiss her on the cheek. She goes in for a kiss, but I deliberately pull my head back just enough to deny her contact.

We both crack up and she shakes her head and smiles.

I guarantee all of you that that has never, ever happened to that woman before or since.

The Text Game

The text game is easy because I’ve done all of the work up front. I took all of my chances in the first ten minutes.

There is little left to do.

This texting is way more than I like to do, but it still manages to set the right tone.

One day later, I text her, but without my name. So she doesn’t know who sent the text:

Me: “the adventure begins”

Her: “And so it does ;)”

Me: “brave of you to respond like that to a number you didn’t recognize. :-) but that is the impression i got of you, fearless”

Her: “Well I don’t always go around and have conversations like that with people.”

Me: “we actually didn’t say much to each other but there were definitely some electrons exchanged”

Her: “Yes, there were definitely some electrons exchanged. Maybe some protons too…”

Me: “ha! well that was the easy part. now we have to figure out whether we actually get along. ever been to pegu?”

Her: “I have not. Where is that?”

Me: “houston, just east of west broadway. great cocktails. quiet. a good place to kill an hour talking about the examined life”

Her: “Sounds cool. I leave to go visit family and friends in Philadelphia Saturday. What is your work schedule like? I work from home so I’m pretty flexible and can even meet during the day.”

Me: “i am the master of the universe. i laugh at schedules. i will write back with a good time. be patient and don’t flirt with other boys”

Her: “Ha!”

Me: (Next day, 10 hours later) “tomorrow’s no good. i box on fridays so i will have a big red swollen nose. and then you’re gone. so today at 6 or monday at 6. i will be bringing a hurricane of charm. will your levees hold up?”

Her: “Monday at 6 works better; my gf is still here now. I have been told that I am pretty charming myself. Is Pegu big enough to hold the two of us?”

Me: “i’ll have to leave my ego outside. mon @ 6. epiphanies shall rain from the heavens!”

Some important things to note about this text thread:

1. I text her without my name so she doesn’t know who is texting her. She responds anyway so it’s on.

2. I tell her there was chemistry (pull), but then I take it away by saying that now comes the hard part – we have to figure out whether we actually get along (push).

3. I never actually ask her out. I just tell her I know a good place. She says she’s available any time. That’s the kind of motivation I like!

4. I tell her up front the date will be short – an hour. Most men want more time. I am the prize. I want less time.

5. I tell her to wait for me to suggest a time. It’s bullshit. I knew when I was available, but the waiting builds tension, so I don’t text back until the next morning.

In the last Weekly Challenge, I put out a questionnaire asking about your main concerns about the upcoming program.

I’ve been getting a firestorm of e-mails. I’ve been doing my best to respond to each and every one of them.

The number one question guys have asked is:

Will this allow me to be genuine and sincere–to be myself around women?

One person said:

“I think there should be more emphasis on the individual instead of the target (women). After all if you feel good you will naturally attracted people (women and men). Nonetheless I thoroughly enjoy reading your site and I think I would like your book as well.”

I love that this is the number one concern because it shows that you guys are aware of something important…

When you feel good, you naturally attract people.

You don’t need to change who you are as a person or become someone different. You already have a personality.

This is firstly about losing your inhibition so you’re comfortable displaying that personality around other people.

The key is real-world exercises that allow you to practice being who you are in small intervals until you can be yourself–no matter who you’re with.

But enough of my yapping, let’s hear from someone who actually read the book and went through the program:

“You’ve got to feel good doing it. And it’s got to be genuine.

Now, when I go up to somebody that I want to speak to, I genuinely just want to go up and start talking to them.

And I do.

If there’s a person that I see, and I love the way she’s dressed, it’s not a lie to say, “Oh, I love your outfit.”

I love her outfit and I want to go talk about it.

And now I can.

It’s such a liberating feeling to be able to break that chain, that I can just go and never be lonely in any situation.

Every time I talk to somebody new, it’s completely different.

It’s the same structure but it’s always a different interaction.

It’s like if you play basketball.

You can throw a three pointer. Every time you get to that line you can make the shot.

But you have to change everything, every time.

It becomes so much fun.” – Chris