It gnaws away at you.
Living in New York City, you see gorgeous women all the time.
When I first moved to New York, I joked with my friend from home that you don’t even need to turn your head when you see a cute girl because another one is bound to walk into your field of vision.
On the way to work you see them. At lunchtime. At the gym. On the way home.
It should be a man’s paradise.
But what if I told you it’s not?
What if I told you that seeing all of these gorgeous women every day can actually kill your confidence?
As I’ve talked about before, the most important aspect of being great with women is being able to take initiative socially. A guy who’s great with women takes initiative with them.
But there’s a misconception about this. Guys have this idea that when you’re good with women, you are constantly approaching, interacting, and closing.
This is not true.
Even logistically, there is no way I would make it anywhere if I interacted with every girl I was attracted to.
But beyond that, if you have any kind of anxiety, to try to approach women all the time puts a terrible pressure on yourself. I experienced this when I first learned how to approach women. I felt like I should be doing it all the time.
And I began to feel anxiety all day.
And worse, when I didn’t approach women all the time, I felt like a failure. Every time I saw a hot girl and didn’t approach her, I felt like I was doing something wrong.
I felt like I should approach her. And with the number of hot girls there are in New York City, I was shoulding all over myself every day.
I would start to feel failure at every opportunity I didn’t take. And it started to kill my confidence.
So how do you not put so much pressure on yourself to approach every woman you see, and still grow and challenge yourself?
With my mentoring students, I recommend that they go out for 30-45 minutes a day and that they do all their work during that time.
Instead of putting pressure on yourself all day, give yourself a limited time to do this every day, and focus during that time.
The rest of the time you should just chill out or, at most, start to incorporate a few of the things you’ve learned if it gives you very little anxiety.
Ideally as you get better at this, you will be able to approach women anytime anywhere. But to put pressure on yourself to do that at the beginning could easily backfire.
If you’re dealing with any kind of anxiety during approaching, you don’t want that anxiety over taking your day and your life.
This is a little bit like going to the gym and weight lifting.
You don’t actually build muscle when you’re doing your weight lifting. You build muscle over the next 24-48 hours as your body heals the microtears in the muscle you got from your workout.
If you tried to lift weights five times a day, you would hurt yourself and you would never get stronger.
The most important thing is that you are taking initiative and that you do have a plan laid out for yourself.
Give yourself achievable goals. Ease into it.
And during those times when you aren’t approaching, sit back and know that you are improving.
And watch your confidence grow.
posted in Self-Improvement StrategiesCOMMENTS