About ten years ago, one of my best friends introduced me to a concept that changed my life.
We were sitting around in his basement after band practice talking and he told me that he never lies.
I didn’t believe him at first.
“How can you never lie? Like never ever?”
It didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t an ethical or religious thing for him, so I didn’t really understand it. But as he explained it to me, it began to make sense.
I have since adopted his position, and it’s one of the healthiest things I’ve ever done for myself.
I never lie.
You see, I realized that when I did lie, 95% of the time I was lying to make someone else feel better.
If I was tired and didn’t feel like going out with a friend I’d made plans with, I’d make up an excuse instead of saying “I’m tired and don’t feel like going out.”
If a girl I was seeing asked me how I felt about her, I’d tell what I thought she wanted to hear, rather than how I really felt.
Once I started not lying, I felt this huge rush of relief.
Because you know what? FUCK EVERYBODY.
It’s not my responsibility.
I’m not changing the way I feel for anyone.
I’m not going to lie anymore and I am going to do it out of pure selfishness.
I’m not going to change anything about me for anyone.
It doesn’t always mean I go around saying the truth to everyone every time I see it (“Wow, you gained weight.”) Or even that I need to answer someone if they ask me a question.
But I won’t say anything that I know to be untrue.
It really makes things a lot simpler.
You don’t need to keep track of anything you’ve said because, well, you didn’t lie about anything.
But more importantly, you never have to worry that what you said, thought, or felt was inappropriate.
It isn’t always totally comfortable. Once in a long while it hurts a bit. Or leaves me slightly embarrassed.
But not as much as you might think.
I feel it’s an important step to shaking the Nice Guy Syndrome, that voice inside my head that wants to please everybody, be all things to everyone all of the time.
You can’t do it.
All you can be is you.
And if somebody doesn’t like it, well… fuck them. This is me. Welcome to my world.
posted in Rapport SkillsCOMMENTS