When you start seeing a woman, there can be a tendency to do one of two problematic things:
First, based on the fact that she’s into you, you can get too comfortable.
She’s expressing interest. Girls are good at that.
All the interest she is showing you starts to make you feel smug and think that you have this girl.
It feels like she’s not going anywhere.
They’re good at making it seem like you are her only interest, whether or not this is actually the case.
Unless it’s exclusive–and even then sometimes–I can tell you it’s usually not the case. She has other interests.
If you spend any amount of time around gorgeous women, one thing becomes apparent.
These women get a lot of attention from men without taking specific action to attract that attention.
Yes, she may get dolled up in the morning and take care of herself, but she has men talking to her whether she takes initiative with these men or not.
This could be simple catcalling on the street, men talking to her in restaurants and stores she goes into, or where she works.
Some of these men she keeps around as friends.
Some of these men really are just friends.
Others are orbiters, guys who indefinitely hang around with her as a “friend,” hoping it will somehow turn into something more–while she has zero intention of ever getting romantic with them.
Or she may have some real prospects she keeps around in case her current relationship with you ends.
A dick in a glass jar– break in case of emergency.
She will keep these men around for support or validation or just because she’s bored and wants someone to talk to.
Unless she lives at the North Pole, if she’s attractive then there are men in her life. And there will always be opportunities for her to bring new men into her life.
True, most of those guys are total douchebags, but if she should desire, most attractive women could easily keep a couple guys hanging around in the wings.
The fact that there are other options for her means you need to stay vigilant.
If you don’t keep things interesting for her, she may start to get bored. She’ll feel unchallenged.
And she may start to consider other options.
The second problematic tendency is the opposite of the first.
Based on the fact that you really like her and know there are other men in her life, you start to get a little insecure.
And you overcompensate, usually by playing too many games.
That can be just as bad as the first tendency of not playing any game at all.
The problem with that is that a lot of these tactics tend to push her away and also leave you emotionally closed off to her.
And then she ends up running into the arms of another guy because you didn’t give her enough closeness and validation.
So how do you know when to do some but not too much?
I have a frame I call the relationship assumption. It goes like this.
I assume at all times that she has three guys she talks to who are into her, but don’t challenge her like I do.
What does this assumption do for me?
Well, if I just thought about all these guys chasing after her, it could make me insecure.
That’s why I assume they aren’t very good at challenging her (and frankly compared to me they probably aren’t.)
That way I don’t hold back too much for fear of getting played by her.
And I also challenge her, but not too much.
This assumption forces me to stay on my toes at all time, even with the most loving of girls, without getting insecure.
You never want to stop keeping her on her toes a little or keep her guessing. If you do, you’ll get caught unawares.
You want to inject some measures to make her wonder.
You don’t want to stop being flirtatious, unpredictable and slightly mysterious, or she will start to lose attraction for you.
No matter how confident you are, there will always be guys bolder than you out there taking a shot at your woman.
Women are loyal. But loyalty only goes so far.
She needs a little bit of excitement and unpredictability.
How do you inject a little bit of excitement into the relationship? Frankly, there is an entire world of techniques that you can use to keep her on her toes.
One example would be that if you’re the one who always takes initiative with her, drop out of sight until she takes initiative.
Another example is to tell her you have a surprise for her and refuse to tell her what it is until you give it to her.
You want to maintain some tension with her on some level, or the relationship slips into a neutered friend zone.
That’s when you lose the girl.
One of the most important aspects of relationship maintenance is figuring out how much to “game” the woman you’re with to keep her interested.
By adopting the relationship assumption, you have a solid frame for dealing with her that shouldn’t make you insecure but also reminds you to stay on your toes.
posted in RelationshipsCOMMENTS