At some point, you realize that what you’re doing just isn’t working.
You’re too tame, too friendly, too passive, and too nice. Too many opportunities are slipping through your fingers because you aren’t making the move.
So you learn new strategies that are edgier, bolder, and more sexual. You start to take risks with attractive women.
You start to get better results. Women respond to your new boldness. Things are looking up.
But then it happens: You meet a girl you really like. And everything seems different now.
Even though she’s not getting sexual with you, for some reason you decide it’s okay to be a lot nicer and take things a lot slower sexually with her.
Your brain comes up with brilliant reasons why it should be okay for you to do this:
I want a wholesome, quality girl rather than a trashy girl. A quality girl will make a guy take it slow before she hooks up with him.
I want true love and a relationship instead of just sex. True love means that even though she isn’t into me yet, I keep making an effort until I win her over. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s our first date. We’re sitting next to each other on a couch in a bar.
She’s turned, facing me. Showing interest. I’m faced outward toward the bar.
She’s amazingly cute. A yoga girl.
We’re talking, getting to know each other. I’m teasing her here and there.
This girl knows how to talk. She knows herself.? And she has a lot to share.
She’s actually a really cool girl. With ambitions.
As we talk, I start to realize: I could actually like this girl. It’s not just a physical attraction. I could actually see myself being friends with this girl.
This is dangerous territory. Not because I like her as a person. No, that’s great.
But the more I talk to her, the more I can tell: She’s a black belt at putting guys into friend zone. Read the rest of this entry »
This post is brought to you by my good friend “Hurricane” Lee.
One of the most pressing questions I get from guys is when to kiss a girl. Do you try to kiss her when you first meet? On the first date? Later?
On the one hand, pushing sexual escalation is almost always a good thing. Kissing is a natural next step in sexual escalation.
On the other hand, kissing is an extreme form of interest. If you go to kiss her, she knows you’re very, very interested.
So when is the ideal time to kiss a girl?
First, you never want to just go in for the kiss without any prior physical escalation. That would be weird and a little awkward, especially if she were to turn you down.
The principle here is that nothing should feel unnatural. Just as she gets used to one level of intimacy and gives you her implied consent, you go a little further. Read the rest of this entry »
The reluctant groom may be more than just a macho stereotype; it may be an in-built evolutionary mechanism that reflects the differences between male and female mating strategies.
In How to Get Her to be Your Girlfriend, I talk about why it’s advantageous for a man to not be so straightforward with a woman about his intention to make her his girlfriend.
If the ‘relationship’ is moving along at a brisk pace, it’s in his interest to get her to ask him to be exclusive rather than the other way around.
This advice does not necessarily pertain equally to men and women. It’s not just advice to try and gain the upper hand in the relationship.
I’m a gay man, and I think that’s why I’ve been able to notice these so well. I made this post so hopefully more guys can see it.
How a guy can know when a girl is interested:
If you’re talking to a cashier and she tells you for any reason when she gets off work, she wants you to come back.
If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested.
If a girl repeatedly mentions how she wishes she had a nice guy to date, she is interested. Read the rest of this entry »
Of all the things I’ve done wrong in the past with women, the thing I regret the most is not making the move.
It’s one thing to make a move stupidly, or get rejected, or even fuck it up royally, but not having made the move at all just kills me.
About ten years ago, when I first moved to New York, a friend of mine invited me out. She had a friend visiting from France who turned out to be a really cute girl.
This girl seemed to really like me. At the end of the night, this girl said she had no place to stay and wanted to stay at my place. I, of course, obliged.
In the dark of night in clubs you’ll find them with a look of anticipation in their eyes.
Out over the plains of parks and malls you can hear their sexually frustrated groans.
Over e-mail, text message and even long distance, they exist, but long for the sweet mercy of closure.
Doomed to revolve around her but never get close enough to thrive sexually, they are walking dead of relationships: the dreaded orbiter.
“We went out on a few dates,†my student tells me. “We were out till 3 AM on our first date having drinks. But we didn’t go past hand-holding.”
“Now, after a few dates,” he continues, “she won’t let things go any further sexually. Every time I try to get sexual with her, it never seems to be the right time.”
“The third time we went out, we met up with friends. And she spent a lot of time talking to other guys at the bar,” he says.
An “orbiter†is a guy that a girl keeps around, keeps seeing or talking to in some way, but nothing much sexually ever happens. Read the rest of this entry »
The Secret to Desire in Long-Term Relationships
by 
Eric Disco
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