It’s our first date. We’re sitting next to each other on a couch in a bar.

She’s turned, facing me. Showing interest. I’m faced outward toward the bar.

She’s amazingly cute. A yoga girl.

We’re talking, getting to know each other. I’m teasing her here and there.

This girl knows how to talk. She knows herself.? And she has a lot to share.

She’s actually a really cool girl. With ambitions.

As we talk, I start to realize: I could actually like this girl. It’s not just a physical attraction. I could actually see myself being friends with this girl.

This is dangerous territory. Not because I like her as a person. No, that’s great.

But the more I talk to her, the more I can tell: She’s a black belt at putting guys into friend zone. Read the rest of this entry »

This is a fun sequence I like to do in conversation.

It’s playful and I get to hold her hand.

There’s always a point in the conversation where I transition into personal topics.

“What do you do?” I ask her.

“No–wait,” I say. “Don’t tell me. Let me guess.”

I look her up and down.

“I’m really good at this. I’m actually psychic. Here, give me your hand.”

I take her hand in mine.

“Okay, try to psychically send it to me.”

I look deep into her eyes. Read the rest of this entry »

This post is brought to you by my good friend “Hurricane” Lee.

One of the most pressing questions I get from guys is when to kiss a girl. Do you try to kiss her when you first meet? On the first date? Later?

On the one hand, pushing sexual escalation is almost always a good thing. Kissing is a natural next step in sexual escalation.

On the other hand, kissing is an extreme form of interest. If you go to kiss her, she knows you’re very, very interested.

So when is the ideal time to kiss a girl?

First, you never want to just go in for the kiss without any prior physical escalation. That would be weird and a little awkward, especially if she were to turn you down.

The principle here is that nothing should feel unnatural. Just as she gets used to one level of intimacy and gives you her implied consent, you go a little further. Read the rest of this entry »

The reluctant groom may be more than just a macho stereotype; it may be an in-built evolutionary mechanism that reflects the differences between male and female mating strategies.

In How to Get Her to be Your Girlfriend, I talk about why it’s advantageous for a man to not be so straightforward with a woman about his intention to make her his girlfriend.

If the ‘relationship’ is moving along at a brisk pace, it’s in his interest to get her to ask him to be exclusive rather than the other way around.

This advice does not necessarily pertain equally to men and women. It’s not just advice to try and gain the upper hand in the relationship.

This may be evolutionary by design.

Read the rest of this entry »

This post is from Josef via Reddit.

I’m a gay man, and I think that’s why I’ve been able to notice these so well. I made this post so hopefully more guys can see it.

How a guy can know when a girl is interested:

• If you’re talking to a cashier and she tells you for any reason when she gets off work, she wants you to come back.

• If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested.

• If a girl repeatedly mentions how she wishes she had a nice guy to date, she is interested. Read the rest of this entry »

Of all the things I’ve done wrong in the past with women, the thing I regret the most is not making the move.

It’s one thing to make a move stupidly, or get rejected, or even fuck it up royally, but not having made the move at all just kills me.

About ten years ago, when I first moved to New York, a friend of mine invited me out. She had a friend visiting from France who turned out to be a really cute girl.

This girl seemed to really like me. At the end of the night, this girl said she had no place to stay and wanted to stay at my place. I, of course, obliged.

What happened? Read the rest of this entry »

It’s great to be physically skilled as a lover, but more importantly, you want to activate the imagination.

One of the best ways I’ve found to rev up your sex life is through dirty talk and roleplay.

I put dirty talk and roleplay together because they are almost interchangeable.

Role Playing

She and I are in my living room.

We’re talking about the new TSA airline security procedures of patdowns for people who don’t want to go through body scanners.

Is it violating our civil liberties? Are people over-reacting? Blah blah blah.

We are talking about logical stuff.

Then I say to her, “What if you were getting frisked by a TSA agent like this?”

Read the rest of this entry »

In the dark of night in clubs you’ll find them with a look of anticipation in their eyes.

Out over the plains of parks and malls you can hear their sexually frustrated groans.

Over e-mail, text message and even long distance, they exist, but long for the sweet mercy of closure.

Doomed to revolve around her but never get close enough to thrive sexually, they are walking dead of relationships: the dreaded orbiter.

“We went out on a few dates,” my student tells me. “We were out till 3 AM on our first date having drinks. But we didn’t go past hand-holding.”

“Now, after a few dates,” he continues, “she won’t let things go any further sexually. Every time I try to get sexual with her, it never seems to be the right time.”

“The third time we went out, we met up with friends. And she spent a lot of time talking to other guys at the bar,” he says.

An “orbiter” is a guy that a girl keeps around, keeps seeing or talking to in some way, but nothing much sexually ever happens. Read the rest of this entry »

Once I’m in deep conversation with a woman, I generally don’t use pre-scripted material.

I like to just go with the flow and really get to know her.

But at some point, if I’m getting to know her well, I like to turn the conversation sexual.

Turning the conversation sexual is one of the most important things you can do with women.

While she may be attracted to you already, talking explicitly about sex brings up the idea of sex in her mind.

Talking about sex triggers sexual feelings in her as she visualizes situations that she’s talking about.

Read the rest of this entry »

You start talking to a girl.

Sometimes it’s totally on. It’s obvious the girl is into you.

Other times, it’s totally not on. It’ s obvious this girl wants you to go the fuck away.

But particularly when starting out in this game, in the majority of interactions with women, you are in a space of not knowing whether she likes you or not.

How do you know if she’s attracted to you?

Guys with social anxiety or not enough experience with women tend to miss signals of interest.

Or if they do see signals of interest, they write them off for some reason or another.

Read the rest of this entry »