All the time I see guys get themselves into bad positions with women.

They turn into the guy who’s constantly asking a girl out for a date and she’s constantly saying no.

They get into relationships where the girl is acting badly but he’s powerless to stop her bad behavior.

Part of the problem here is that men tend to be straightforward. They take her words at face value.

They don’t understanding the difference between implicit and explicit communication.

You go out on a date with a girl. The next day, you send her a text. But she’s already decided she’s not into you.

Explicit communication would be if she texted you back something like, “I don’t think we’re a match,” or “I’m getting a friendship vibe from you.” She explicitly told you how she feels.

Implicit communication would be if she simply didn’t text you back at all. She is communicating to you that she’s not interested but she’s not explicitly telling you she isn’t interested. Read the rest of this entry »

Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever?

Why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex, contrary to popular belief?

Can we want what we already have?

Why is the forbidden so erotic?

What is it about transgression that makes desire so potent?

For the answer, check out this excellent TED Talk by Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make, over and over, is trying to logically convince women to date them.

They spend an inordinate amount of time demonstrating that they are an appropriate match for her.

For a woman to get involved with you, she must, at some point, take action, even if that means simply responding `yes’ to your initiatives.

That initiative is always based on her feelings.

The decision to not date you may be a logical one or an emotional one.

For example, if she’s experienced, she may deduce that her feelings are being manipulated and she may decide that she does not want to date you.

Or she may not feel emotionally inclined to date you.

But no matter how logical she is, her taking a positive step to get involved with you will always be based on emotion. You may be the perfect match on paper, but if you don’t turn her on emotionally, she won’t say Yes.

Why?

Ultimately, she knows that feelings are all that remain in a relationship.

No matter how good or appropriate the proposition, if you don’t feel it right at the beginning, you will never feel it. She can envision feeling less, but she can’t envision feeling more. Read the rest of this entry »

A guy I know caught his girlfriend cheating on him.

But instead of leaving her, he stuck around for months playing tug of war over the girl with the other guy.

Who would put up with a girl openly cheating on him?

Who would put up with a girl treating him like shit?

When a guy is in a terrible relationship with a girl, it’s easy to see that the best option for him is to walk away.

No one should stay in a crappy relationship where the woman nags him, bosses him around, or treats him disrespectfully.

The problem is that these things don’t usually happen out of the blue. It’s not like she was treating him amazingly well one day, and the next just started treating him like crap.

These things happen on smaller increments. And they happen… right from the start.

Read the rest of this entry »

In response to The Core of Relationship Management: You are the Prize, a comenter asks an excellent question:

I have been with my partner JUST under a year known her for about 2 months before we started dating.

I believe i am weak at times, i hate her being mad at me, she can crack it over the smallest thing, and usually wont talk to me after that point, sometimes i dont even know what has happened! (whats made her upset) It can be something like not replying fast enough on facebook so she thinks i am to busy to talk to her. and will say goodnight.

its very confusing for me her getting hurt so easy, and to me i dont think i have done anything actually really hurtful to her, its more her feeling insecure.. but when this happens in the past ive tried to msg call all that sort of thing to much, even tho i dont believe i am not in the wrong. its seem to make it worse because then she believes i have done something wrong or why would i call so much.

Read the rest of this entry »

A few years ago, I started dating a girl. She was a bit of a party girl. But I liked her because she was also an artist.

For the first few months, I was struggling to keep her invested. She had the upper hand.

I got her to be exclusive with me, but only because I asked.

One night, she said she was going out with some friends and would call me later on. I didn’t get a call from her.

At six in the morning, she calls me up and tells me she got really drunk the night before and that she made out with a guy.

I got off the phone with her and was completely unsure of what I should do.

Then a friend of mine gave me some advice which worked perfectly and ended up turning the tide of our relationship. Read the rest of this entry »

I have a close friend who’s pretty good with women, but only once he’s in a conversation with them.

When the woman is already talking with him, he’s clever, he’s funny, he shows a lot of personality and attitude.

Women love him.

In some ways, he’s even more clever and creative than me.

The problem is…

He has too much fear to go out and start up conversations with women he doesn’t know.

He’s done it once or twice.

And can do it if he’s really drunk.

But for the most part, it’s impossible for him to get past his anxiety.

I know, I know. Since he’s a close friend of mine, I should be able to help him get past his anxiety.

Read the rest of this entry »

“I feel terrible,” my client tells me.

“I’ve been doing my affirmations, and they’re helping. But I can’t stop thinking about her.”

And then he admits to me: he’s been in contact with his nemesis again.

He was seeing her briefly.

But she told him that she wants to be ‘friends with benefits’ and then that she needs space.

Now he can’t get her to meet up with him.

He relays to me the interactions he’s had with her in the last two weeks.

It’s really true what they say: Love is blind.

My client has a lot of experience with women. He meets women every week. But because he’s so into this girl, he can’t see how needy he’s being.

I see guys doing this kind of stuff all the time:

• They ask a question over text. She doesn’t respond. So he sends another text the next day just to make sure everything is okay.

• Read the rest of this entry »

When you start seeing a woman, there can be a tendency to do one of two problematic things:

First, based on the fact that she’s into you, you can get too comfortable.

She’s expressing interest. Girls are good at that.

All the interest she is showing you starts to make you feel smug and think that you have this girl.

It feels like she’s not going anywhere.

They’re good at making it seem like you are her only interest, whether or not this is actually the case.

Unless it’s exclusive–and even then sometimes–I can tell you it’s usually not the case. She has other interests.

If you spend any amount of time around gorgeous women, one thing becomes apparent. Read the rest of this entry »

A few years ago I started seeing a girl. I was into things with her, but she was much more into things with me.

She played it cool, still taking initiative with me, still inviting me out for things. We even went on a small vacation together.

She implied that she wanted to be exclusive with me, to be my girlfriend, but I wasn’t quite feeling it at the time.

A large part of that was because I was dating other women.

She did her best to make me slightly jealous. She would talk about how other guys hit on her, etc. But it didn’t really affect me too much.

Then, at one point, she disappeared.

Read the rest of this entry »