How many times have you walked away from an interaction and then a few minutes later thought:

“I should have said _____!”

In The Game, Neil Strauss uses a great analogy for guys who are great with women.

You see the matrix.

In the movie The Matrix, time slows down when Neo becomes a master.

He dodges bullets that come at him, in what feels like, slow motion.

This is what happens in interactions with women when you get good. But not just when you get good, when you get relaxed.

The first interaction of the day, I’m tense.

An interaction can feel like it’s going at 500 miles per hour. It’s over before the blink of an eye. Read the rest of this entry »

Today we have another brilliant post by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.

Have you been approaching women but not getting the results you want because you have too much anxiety?

Then read on!

There is a tragic mistake men make over and over when they approach women.

I did it for years without even realizing it.

And a lot of the advice out there actually makes the problem worse.

This mistake leads to more approach anxiety, more rejection and leads most guys to eventually give up on this area of their life.

It’s funny but it took me almost four years to come to this realization even though I had been doing this stuff and teaching it for all that time.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s 1 PM on a humid Saturday afternoon.

I step onto the subway train.

The air conditioning feels like a relief. I see an open seat and sit down in it.

Almost immediately I notice her.

She’s standing on the other side of the train. I can only see her from the back but she looks amazing in her tight shorts.

It’s only when she turns a bit can I see the full extent of her cuteness. She’s even cuter from the front.

Every other guy on the train notices her as well. You can see them stealing glances.

This is the first girl today who’s inspired my interest. I notice her back is fully tattoo’d and think to myself that I could tell her I like her tattoo.

But it would be too weird and too obvious to walk all the way across the train to tell her I like her tattoo. Even the thought of that gives me too much anxiety. Read the rest of this entry »

I was out with a client recently and we spotted a very hot girl.

I asked him what he was feeling when he thought about talking to her.

“What could I possibly have to offer her?” he said to me.

It is one of the biggest components of approach anxiety.

You get an overwhelming feeling that this woman in front of you somehow has more intrinsic value than you.

You are looking at her through the lens of attraction.

And it’s easy to assume that her life is more interesting than yours. If she is gorgeous, she probably gets A LOT of doors opened to her.

Maybe she goes to exciting parties. Maybe rich handsome studs take her sailing in the Carribean. Or she goes on helicopter rides around New York City with celebrities like P Diddy.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s often been said that before you get a great woman, that you need to “have a life” of your own first.

What does this mean? And how do you get a life?

There are two things that will give you the foundation for ‘having a life’ and thus building a social circle.

These two separate things are: passions and interests.

Passions are things that drive your life. It is your purpose. It is what you spend a lot of time working on.

Your passion is what you end up thinking about in your spare time because it gives you pleasure to think about it. Read the rest of this entry »

I quit.

It’s over.

I’m done.

I will never approach again.

Strange words to read on a site called ApproachAnxiety.com.

But it’s true.

It is an approach I no longer subscribe to.

It used to make me feel like I was doing something.

I would gather all the courage in the world and walk up to her.

I won’t anymore. There is a better way.

I don’t approach anymore. Read the rest of this entry »

I am walking through Union Square with a student. It is one of the coldest days of the year.

The next step in the process, I tell him, is to simply ask someone for directions.

There are people walking toward us. I stop a cute woman.

“Hey,” I say smiling. “Can you tell me how to get to the library?”

She stops and turns and starts talking to us.

She is smiling and friendly. She’s happy to be talking to us, even though it is freezing cold out.

She explains how to get to the library.

And she keeps explaining. Read the rest of this entry »

“80 percent of success is just showing up” — Woody Allen

7:00 AM. My alarm goes off. Time to get out of bed and go running.

I don’t know why but I always seem to choose either the hottest, most humid day of the year to start running again, or the coldest, snowiest day.

I really don’t want to do this. I’ve been putting it off for the last few days. But due to some shenanigans, I hurt my back again. And running is the best thing for it.

It’s dark in my apartment as I get out of bed. I walk into the living room and look out the window.

It’s dark outside. And snowing. I stand there in my long johns and look out the window.

The excuses begin. Read the rest of this entry »

This is the worst feeling ever, I think to myself.

I was feeling great yesterday, and the day before.

But today, I just don’t feel like opening my mouth.

I just got back from a few days vacation with my family. I was social with them, but didn’t interact with anyone else.

I noticed more overall anxiety when I got back last night.

I walk out the front door of my apartment building and bundle up for the cold weather. I think about the possibility of talking to women today and it’s so remote.

I have the momentum of a steam engine–that’s in park.

I round the corner to the subway station. Head up the stairs to the platform.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a Sunday afternoon and I’m riding up the escalator with Glenn.

We are heading into a shoe store to approach some women.

There’s a break in the conversation. He turns to a middle-aged woman on the escalator behind us.

“High five!” he says.

She slaps his hand and a subdued smile comes across her face.

Glenn’s been doing this all day.

Glenn is unstoppable when it comes to women.

I have seen him run circles around the cutest girls imaginable, escalate faster than you think was possible.

He’s had supermodels eating out of the palm of his hand.

But when he’s warming up, he’ll have fun with anyone.

“Do people ever not high five you?” I ask him. Read the rest of this entry »