This post is from Rob Judge.

A packed 6 train can teach you a lot about humiliation, pickup, and women.

I learned my lesson a few years back, on a brisk fall morning. It was a Saturday morning, as I remember, at an hour so ungodly early that it shouldn’t exist on a weekend.

My hair was disheveled and my thoughts were groggy. Clearly I wasn’t looking for love but, as it so often happens, I found lust.

Before getting into the sexy details, you have to understand the unsexy situation. No matter what time it is, the 6 train always manages to fill up to the point where people get pressed against the windows. I don’t mean that figuratively either–the 6 train gets so packed that it smudges your cheeks against the glass like that Goonies scene with Chunk.

And this morning was no different. Read the rest of this entry »

This post is by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.

Last night I’m out with a small group of students at a new bar in West L.A.

At one point in the night we are talking to a group of cute girls on the patio.

One of the girls mentions that she has to leave by midnight or she’ll turn into a pumpkin.

Then she says that if she keeps drinking she’ll get bloated and her face will get filled with pox.

I misunderstand her and say “Did you just say that you’ll get bloated and you’ll get filled with cock?”

She starts laughing hysterically and playfully punches my arm.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s not easy to keep going on those days when no one seems receptive to you.

Or your body just doesn’t want to do it.

But it is those days when you actually have the greatest opportunity to learn and grow.

I recently went to a class on Buddhism taught by a friend of mine.

He told a story of Atisha, one of the greatest Buddhists, who helped to spread Buddhism from India to Tibet in the 11th century.

When Atisha went to Tibet, he brought with him an entourage of hundreds of dedicated monks.

Among them was his cook.

This cook was extremely disagreeable.  He spoke harshly and was rude and obnoxious to everyone.

Read the rest of this entry »

Miami.

Art Basel weekend, one of the largest art festivals in the world.

I’ve come down with some close friends to simply party, have fun, and meet cool art people (and cute art chicks).

But it’s always the same story. My body fights me at the beginning.

Like the grumbles I feel before going on a long run.

I get to the main convention center. Some amazing cuties there.

The art is brilliant. The women are hot. And many of them are alone or in groups of two girls.

Read the rest of this entry »

It was a while since I’d gone out at night with some friends just to run game.

After a chomping down a steak barbecue, we head out to the streets to hit the bars of Williamsburg.

The agenda for the evening? The apocalypse opener.

You say “Hi. How are you?” She responds. She asks how you are.

In as casual a tone as possible, you say “Good. Do you want to go home with me?”

After a few drinks when you’re running around with your buddies, this opener ends up being more funny than anything.

On our way to the bars, we do the opener a number of times to women walking by on the street. Almost all positive responses.

Most women think it’s funny.

After having a lot of fun interactions in different bars, we end up at a crowded bar with loud music.

Read the rest of this entry »

“That is so corny,” she says to me and turns around and walks away.

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.

None of my openers are working today.

Nothing is sticking.

I’ve been slogging from store to store in the bitter New York City cold.

God, I’m a champ.

It’s like I can hear the Rocky theme song playing in the background. This is the beginning of my montage and girls are laughing at me and throwing drinks in my face. Read the rest of this entry »

Fail. Fail again. Fail differently. Fail better. Fail harder. Fail quicker. Fail smarter. Fail clearer. Fail funnier. Fail badly. Fail well. Fail painfully. Fail on purpose. Fail by accident. Fail and learn. Fail without learning. Fail in the cold. Fail in bookstores. Fail in malls. Fail on the train. Fail on Valentine’s Day. Fail your friends. Fail your family. Fail yourself. Fail everyone. Fail society. Fail again. Fail when you thought you were done failing. Fail and feel good. Fail and feel bad. Fail and wonder where you are going. Fail and know. Fail and feel sick. Fail and get embarrassed. Fail and hate yourself. Fail and love yourself. Fail and get hurt. Fail and get rejected. Fail when you didn’t think you could fail. Fail and face your fear. Fail and get past your fear. Fail and find more fear.

Deeper fear.

Fail boldly. Fail majestically. Fail publicly. Fail fiercely. Fail and walk through darkness. Read the rest of this entry »

It still happens to me once in a while. An interaction with someone will go badly and I end up feeling bad afterward. Most of the time I’m fine, whether the interaction goes well or not. But once in a while I end up feeling down about it.

I may even be in a strange city and I know I’ll never see these people again. But I’ll feel bad and start to think about it. Over and over. Even as I get to another city, I’ll replay it in my mind and try to figure out what I did wrong.

Was I too aggressive and maybe busted on the girl too much? Was it something specific I said that just personally offended her?

I’ve learned over and over that the path to freedom is acceptance. Feel the feeling and move on. It is the one thing that has allowed me to stop questioning every little thing I do and instead act more confident, more self-assured and take the lead. Read the rest of this entry »

It was one of those sub-zero days where you don’t even want to go outside with your face exposed. I’d gone out at lunch but hadn’t found my one girl to open. So after work I decided to stop by the Barnes and Noble in Union Square to at least get one in. I’m a trooper.

I don’t see anyone at first and decide to leave. On the way out I see this girl and decide to approach.

“Can you tell me where the books on trains are?” I say.

We’re two feet away from the information booth and she begins to motion toward them “You should ask them…”

“Oh my god, you can’t even help a guy out?” I say. “Thanks a lot!” She laughs. Read the rest of this entry »

“As Hinde (1974), in writing on the biological bases of human social behavior suggests, over-aggression in a male can frighten off prospective mates.”

This lesson is clear to us. Aggression is bad. You will scare her off.

It doesn’t take more than one bad approach, where a woman gets creeped out, for an introverted guy like myself to go into a downward spiral of self-debasement and self-questioning.

I’ve been taught this all my life. I was instructed over and over.

I actually remember the first time I learned this lesson. Read the rest of this entry »