No matter how good you get, you will always feel a bit of intimidation when talking with the women you like most. You may have dated a hundred women, but what happens with the next woman is always an unknown.

What Tyson says about fear is spot on. It gets at the heart of dealing with fear and anxiety: it’s a paradox. Read the rest of this entry »

On the forum, Zhelyazko asks:

[It's been said that] only 7% of all communication is verbal the other percents are in way of speaking and body language.

Do you agree with the findings of this study and what does it mean?

How you tell a story is way more important than what the story actually is?

The underlying question here is, considering the importance of body language, how important is the actual content of what you say?

Is it worth crafting and working on a specific stories to use over and over or is it better to just ‘wing it’ and focus on body language and delivery?

Lately, I’ve been using an opinion opener/story that goes like this.

Read the rest of this entry »

“Smile!” Eric Weber admonished to the audience on the tape.

It was the late 90′s.

I was driving along the New Jersey Turnpike in my Plymouth Reliant listening to dating guru Eric Weber’s popular tape How to Talk to Girls.

“When you don’t smile,” said Eric Weber, “women will think, ‘What can I do to please him!’ But when you do smile, she feels more comfortable.”

It didn’t totally make sense to me. Don’t you want women to wonder what they can do to please you?

This was part and parcel to the confusing tutelage and conflicting messages I experienced when trying to learn to meet women back in those days.

As I drove along the Turnpike, I sucked in all the knowledge I could from Eric Weber. This was the fifth time I had listened to the tape. I was on my way to meet up with my friend and bandmate Ken.

Read the rest of this entry »

You’re walking on the sidewalk, a little to the right as you normally do. It’s crowded with people to your left and right walking in both directions.

In front of you, walking in your direction toward you is a gorgeous woman. If both of you keep walking in the same direction, you’ll walk into each other.

What do you do? Do you move out of her way?

Most people do not consciously think about it. But if you live in a city like New York, it happens to you at least 50 times a day: Someone ends up walking directly toward you in your path.

It may not seem like such a big deal what happens next, but what you do is indicative of how you perceive your place in the world.

To change your direction in order to stay out of other people’s way communicates that you don’t have a right to be here, or in the very least, that you think other people have more of a right to walk on the sidewalk than you do.

When I walk on the sidewalk, I follow three rules. Read the rest of this entry »

It still happens to me about twenty times a day: I’ll go to put my hands in my pockets.

And I have to stop myself.

I’ve got these long, dangling appendages–called arms–coming out of the sides of my torso.

At the end of each of these “arms” are these awkward proturbences called “hands.”

They don’t know whether to be tense or loose. It feels weird to just have them hang there.

I want to stick them in my pockets or loop them around my belt buckles.

But every time I go to do that, I think of a video I saw of two mixed martial arts fighters who stare each other down.

One fighter, because he has his hands looped into his pockets, looks so much less confident than the other fighter. Can you guess which fighter ended up getting his ass kicked? Read the rest of this entry »

“That girl is so your type,” says Glenn.

I’m in Barnes and Noble with Glenn and Lee. Saturday afternoon crackin and stackin.

I look over at the girl sitting at a table in the caf?????? of the bookstore. She’s wearing a super cute little artsy bonnet.

I start to walk over to her. It’s a long walk around dividers, past tables. I can feel my heartrate start to elevate.

When I get to her, I don’t waste a moment after I open her before sitting down.

“That book is excellent,” I say as I grab a seat.

But there’s a problem. Read the rest of this entry »

I really like this video because it shows exactly what happens on a date when a tall, good-looking, pro athlete tries to get away with being too nice.

I’m warning you, it’s painful to watch. But there is so much juicy stuff in here, I couldn’t help break down exactly what went wrong.

0:59 He walks in and taps her on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” he says. This is something you say to a stranger. Instead, say “Hey” or “Hi.”

From then on, his body language is TERRIBLE. He can’t stand still.? He’s pacing back and forth the whole time. Notice him do this whenever he’s standing throughout the video.

When you talk to women, you want to stay planted with as little movement as possible. Read the rest of this entry »

A few years ago I noticed myself in a video. And I was disgusted.

Why?

I could finally see myself from the side and from the back. And I hated my posture.

“I really look like that?” I thought to myself. I never really see myself from the side and had no idea how bad my posture was.

I used to go to the gym and work out when I was younger. And I’m a runner. So I didn’t have the worst posture in the world.

But it was bad enough that I decided I needed to change it. In fact I became a bit obsessed with changing my posture.

This is something I’ve been working on for years. I previously wrote an article about Alexander Technique, which is well worth the investment.

Why Change Your Posture

Posture has a huge affect on attraction.

Read the rest of this entry »

She’s into me, I can tell. It’s sexual as hell and we’ve been connecting like crazy.

But something is off now.

It’s her body language.

Her arms are folded and she’s turned away. Her legs are crossed but in the opposite direction, away from me.

Whenever a girl does this, it’s imperative what you do next.

Call her out on it.

“Man, you have such closed body language,” I say to her as I mimic with my body exactly what she’s doing.

“Sorry!!!” she says. Immediately she turns and faces me 100%. Her knees are practically pointing toward me out from under the short skirt she’s wearing.

She stares into my eyes with puppy dog eyes.

If you let something like bad body language go on too long, she’ll convince herself emotionally that she’s not into you.

However, if you call it out, it’s a show of dominance and social perceptiveness.

For more on Calling it Out, check out When In Doubt, Call It Out.

Almost all women, when they’re in love with a guy, will act the same way.

The same mannerisms. The same submissive signals. The same surrender.

Almost all men, when they’re attracted to a woman, will act in a similar way.

For most of them, the best they can do is try to hide their attraction.

Very few men can actually surprise a woman once he’s attracted to her.

Men’s attraction is so transparent, that by the time she’s 21, an attractive woman has seen it all.

That woman couldn’t tell you what you should do differently if she were you. She couldn’t tell you what would excite her.

She just knows that it isn’t you who excites her. Read the rest of this entry »