I’m walking along the subway platform on my daily outing.

I stop next to a girl.

As I turn to her and ask her a question, I realize how cute she is, much cuter than I initially thought.

“Does this go to 59th Street?” I ask her. I’m just warming up, asking different women basic questions.

“I think so…” she says with hesitation. “I think you want to take the F… ”

“You don’t sound so sure…” I say. She starts laughing. Girls love it when you point something out about them.

“I know it goes to 57th,” she says smiling. I can see her thinking about it.

A train pulls into the station on front of us. Read the rest of this entry »

Thirty years ago, Dr. Stanley Milgram requested his graduate students perform an experiment.

They were to go down into the subways of New York City and, over and over, ask people if they could have their seat.

“Excuse me, may I have your seat?”

Originally, the experiment was conducted to see just how many people would give up their seats. Surprisingly, two thirds did.

But the more interesting part about this experiment is the trepidation the students experienced trying to carry out this task.

Those of you who have had trouble breaching the invisible barrier between you and that attractive stranger on the street will relate to their experiences.

The seemingly simple assignment proved to be extremely difficult, even traumatic, for the students to carry out. Read the rest of this entry »

There are too many things wrong with me.

My forehead is ridiculously high, my skin too white.

My eyes are too small. They’ve been described as “squinty” by tactless friends.

My jawline is anything but strong. I hide it with a beard. All the fashion now.

I’m getting older, and still I’m typically not the smartest man in the room.

I’ve lost enough debates at my age to know that there will likely be someone at the table with a better grasp of history. Or a better memory. Or someone more likely better read than me.

My career isn’t terrible. But it’s not progressed in a decade as my true love is arts–music, writing–neither of which has won me accolades, save for perhaps this blog and my successful coaching.

I have women to thank for showing me the light. The ones who let me get oh-so-close, but not quite. They turned me into a revolution.

They made my bones hurt with inadequacy as they let me fall in love with them.

Read the rest of this entry »

No matter how good you get, you will always feel a bit of intimidation when talking with the women you like most. You may have dated a hundred women, but what happens with the next woman is always an unknown.

What Tyson says about fear is spot on. It gets at the heart of dealing with fear and anxiety: it’s a paradox. Read the rest of this entry »

One of the focuses here at ApproachAnxiety.com is learning to understand and deal with all feelings.

In our society, there is this idea that you should never feel bad. There are certain emotions and feelings which are unacceptable: Fear. Anxiety. Rejection. Hurt. Loss. Depression. Sadness. Weakness.

As most of you know, I never feel any of these. ;)

In actuality, we all feel these. No one goes through life without feeling hurt or loss.

The problem isn’t that you feel these things. The problems happen when you feel these things and think that you shouldn’t be feeling them. When pain is accompanied by non-acceptance, it leads to suffering. You struggle with it and wonder exactly what is wrong with you instead of accepting that this is a natural part of life.

The other day, I was talking with a client of mine. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve had a relatively good day.

Got up early in the morning to work out. Felt refreshed and relaxed during the day.

At 630, I meet up with my friend. We are going to hit the happy hour bars in New York City.

We meet up in the Barnes and Noble cafe. We chat a bit. Then we take a walk around Barnes and Noble.

That’s when I notice it: Anxiety.

My breathing becomes stilted and shallow. I feel a tightness in my chest and too much adrenaline in my stomach.

But it’s not approach anxiety. There are no women around to approach. It’s generalized anxiety.

Generalized anxiety is approach anxiety’s cousin. It’s an anxiety that you get just going about your day, doing things that normally don’t give you anxiety.

You may feel it in the morning while cooking breakfast. Or in the afternoon at work.

Read the rest of this entry »

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was a warm Friday evening, November 2005.

I was sitting in a subway car on my way to get coaching to learn how to meet women.

It was something I had never done before.

I noticed my reflection in the window. I was wearing a new black leather jacket I’d bought just for the occasion, and a wooly brown sweater underneath.

As I noticed my reflection in the window, I wondered if I could really turn into a pickup artist.

I’d read The Game, by Neil Strauss, a few weeks earlier.

It lit me on fire.

I read it in a few days, staying up the entire night on the last day reading it. I couldn’t put it down.

Do people really do this? Read the rest of this entry »

Another excellent post by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.

It’s funny how we make things a lot more difficult than they have to be.

By we I mean men, and what I’m talking about specifically is approaching women.

Has something like this ever happened to you before:

You see a woman you find attractive.

You walk up to her and compliment her and then ask for her phone number or date.

It probably went something like this:

“Hey I just wanted to tell you that you are really beautiful, would you like to have coffee with me?”

She blows you off by either rolling her eyes, flat out saying no or says “Sorry I have a boyfriend.”

You walk away feeling deflated and a little stupid.

Read the rest of this entry »

Today we have another excellent post by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.

Being a smart person is usually a good thing. However, when it comes to meeting and dating women, it can sometimes get in the way.

There are many ways where over thinking about dating and meeting women hurts you.

It’s not easy to just stop thinking. Stopping automatic thoughts won’t work. But there are some things you can do instead.

Be your own best friend.

At some time in point, there has to be a shift in the way you talk to yourself about meeting and dating women.

Instead of the voice that beats you up, you’ve got to be your own best friend and pat yourself on the back for trying. Read the rest of this entry »

This video (safe for work) is probably one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. Fresh out of one of my nightmares.

It shows what it’s like to climb to the top of a 1700 foot tower–with no safety lines.

If you had the opportunity, would you climb the 1700 foot tower in the video? Some of you would do it because have balls the size of Texas (or are extremely stupid). But most of you probably would not do it.

That’s your fear acting in a good way.

It’s same fear is trying to keep you alive when you go to talk to women. It’s a remnant of your primal brain telling you to stay alive.

Read the rest of this entry »