Be There In The Moment With Her

You want to improve. Your desire is strong. You’re driven. That’s why you’re here.

You weren’t happy with what you had in the past. But mostly, you weren’t happy with yourself.

You found a way to tap into yourself. You found a path to improvement.

You thought that it wasn’t possible before. Perhaps you spent a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself.

But now things are different. You realize you can actually change yourself. You can speak to people you didn’t think you could speak to. You can learn and grow.

And not just theoretically.

That girl that you desire? You can walk up to her and talk to her.

Perhaps you are no longer paralyzed by your fear. You feel your heart race a bit, but you do it anyway.

And if she rejects you, it’s okay.

This isn’t the first girl you’ve approached and it certainly won’t be the last.

At the start, everything was a big blur. You had this huge giant rock in front of you blocking your vision. It was called Approach Anxiety. With every interaction you felt like an out-of-control steam engine, just happy to have gotten over your fear of approaching her.

But now you’ve calmed down a bit. You still get excited to approach, but your head and your heart don’t scream into overdrive. Every interaction is no longer an emergency.

Maybe you even walk away from a few girls now.

But you still want to improve. So you learn to tweak the minutiae of the interaction.

Maybe act a little less needy. Maybe banter with her more or escalate a little faster. Risk a bit more.

I have goals for myself. I want to improve. I’m always looking to improve. This is a constant struggle with myself. It’s a beautiful struggle.

I’ve come so far.

But one thing I’ve noticed is that no matter how far I come, I’m never satisfied.

Is that a good thing?

Well, yes and no.

It keeps driving me.

But lately I’ve learned to appreciate every moment I have with a woman.

Yesterday I was in the park. I saw a girl sitting there and walked up to her and talked to her. I had to force myself to focus on her and what she was saying rather than thinking about what I’m doing next.

Yes, it’s good to have in mind what you’re going to do and say next.

Am I going to invite her out on an instant date for coffee?

If she asks me where I’m from, will I give her a boring answer, or do I have something interesting to say?

Am I leading her into rapport, am I really opening up to her and making myself vulnerable?

Great things to think about, but sometimes I find myself thinking too much instead of listening. I’m looking into her eyes and I hear the words coming out. But I’m not listening.

This is detrimental on a lot of levels. For one, I’m not going to be able to truly interact with her.

But beyond even that, the most important part about it is that I want to enjoy what I’m doing with her. If I’m not enjoying it, what’s the point?

One of the best ways to be in the moment, to truly enjoy your life and find satisfaction, is to listen to what other people are saying without thinking about what you’re going to say next.

Few people do this.

There’s a time to think about what you’re going to say and do next. You’re the man, you need to lead the interaction.

But more importantly there’s a time to just sit and enjoy her company. Soak it all in. Be there in her presence.

Set aside your desire to learn and grow and just enjoy her.

Because if you can’t enjoy her now, when will you enjoy her?

Once you have sex with her? Once she’s your girlfriend? Once you’re married and have babies?

Start now. Right now, at this very moment. Don’t wait any longer or it will never come.

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posted in Rapport Skills, Self-Improvement Strategies