Are You Being Genuine?

by Eric Disco
May 2

Yesterday, one of my friends said he wants to start going out and approaching twenty girls a day. I respect him and think it’s cool that he has that much drive and ambition.

Going out for a number of hours in one day can be a good thing. Your skills will improve a lot.

However, it left me wondering, even if you could approach that many girls every day, how genuine would you really be?

An important part of learning to approach women is learning to integrate it into your life. You don’t want to be a pickup machine. You want to be a NATURAL. Integrating pickup into your life takes time. A bit of progress every day.

Going out for long periods of time can make you mechanical because you have less of a life outside of picking up girls. You end up needing more scripted material and risk becoming fake.

Scripted material can be great. Knowing what to say at the right time can be a godsend.

When she says “We’re not having sex tonight,” it’s great if you can fire back a response like “Don’t use your reverse psychology on me. We’re not having sex tonight!” (Credit Jerry, recent AoA graduate).

It’s good to have words. I talk about it in a lot of my post. Have More Fun in the First Three Minutes. Tell Better Stories–and Get the Girl.

Having something laid out to say at the beginning is one of the most important things to building consistency. It’s a huge stumbling block for some guys, that they aren’t consistent with what they say. They’re left thinking about what to say instead of taking action.

In our workshops we give guys the words to say when they approach a girl. There are a lot of good reasons for this.

We don’t want guys pressuring themselves to think up brilliant things to say when they’re already nervous.

We don’t want them to have the excuse “I didn’t know what to say.”

There are few things more frustrating than when a guy doesn’t approach because he doens’t know what to say. It’s happened to myself too too many times.

But here’s a little secret: we give guys the words to say because WE DON’T WANT THEM FOCUSING ON THE WORDS. We want them focusing on other things.

It’s a problem when guys start to focus too much on the words. Guys expend a lot of energy trying to find the right thing to say. It seems as if we could just say the right words, we would win the girl over.

In the long run the words you use will change eventually. You’ll get bored with certain banter and stories. You’ll try different openers out.

Know what you won’t doesn’t change? Good body language. Solid inner game. This stuff only builds on itself and improves over time.

I’ve noticed that someone else’s words just won’t have the same effect as talking about things I really care about. I’ve noticed that when I’m talking about something I’m really into, my face lights up. I smile. And the girl notices it too.

Every once in a while I like to drop all the routines, just to see where I am. Instead of walking up to a girl in a bar with some wicked banter, I’ll just walk up and say hi. See what happens.

Sometimes it works out. She’ll see my massive confidence and I’ll naturally display that I’m fun and cool.

Other times she pretty much tells me to fuck off. And it reminds me of why I use certain tools. How, for example, if I don’t use banter in a nightclub, a lot of times the interaction just starts off boring.

I’m scared to death of becoming a mechanical robot. Call me a hopeless romantic, but part of me really wants to meet “the one.” Part of me thinks this is all a numbers game and eventually I’ll run into her.

Yeah, I have a lot of learning and growing to do before then, but I still want to be open to it. I still want it to be “me” that she talks to. Hopefully the best version of me, but still me.

I still use scripts. It’s an important part of improving. I make them mine as much as I can. I sometimes use other people’s words.

But the most touching and endearing things happen when I DON’T say the right thing, when I’ve actually made myself vulnerable to her. It is an opportunity to be genuine, to say something new I’ve never said before.

That’s when I see the real me and hopefully she does too.


posted in Rapport Skills, Self-Improvement Strategies

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