The Secret to Desire in Long-Term Relationships

by Eric Disco
Apr 1

Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever?

Why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex, contrary to popular belief?

Can we want what we already have?

Why is the forbidden so erotic?

What is it about transgression that makes desire so potent?

For the answer, check out this excellent TED Talk by Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity.


posted in Relationships, Sex and Escalation

5 responses
Cameron says:

Amazing talk, she combined poetic beauty with a compete lack schmaltz or political correctness. French women are so sexy. :-)

Socialkenny says:

I don’t even need to watch the video to get the message here. But all in all, from a man’s perspective, he wasn’t created to be monogamous, so that should be considered in the equation.

KL says:

Very interesting stuff. She confirms a lot of the ideas out there in the pickup/ seduction community, specifically the idea that you maintain desire by balancing the more exciting, stimulating elements (mystery, intrigue, the forbidden, the novel) with the more comforting/ connection-based elements. Going too far in either direction as a man often destroys the desire.

Matt says:

Everybody wants a long term relationship to some level but is he willing to make the sacrifices required. In fact it’s the same as pickup – everybody wants to sleep with tons of girls but will he make the effort required. Or everybody wants to be a millionaire.

People want things but aren’t willing to make the continuous effort so to get/keep them.

Inane Rambler says:

The spam is getting out of hand.