I'd Rather Die on My Feet Than Live on My Knees

by Eric Disco
Oct 18

A guy I know caught his girlfriend cheating on him.

But instead of leaving her, he stuck around for months playing tug of war over the girl with the other guy.

Who would put up with a girl openly cheating on him?

Who would put up with a girl treating him like shit?

When a guy is in a terrible relationship with a girl, it’s easy to see that the best option for him is to walk away.

No one should stay in a crappy relationship where the woman nags him, bosses him around, or treats him disrespectfully.

The problem is that these things don’t usually happen out of the blue. It’s not like she was treating him amazingly well one day, and the next just started treating him like crap.

These things happen on smaller increments. And they happen… right from the start.

Right from the beginning, he accepted less than he should have from this woman. Perhaps he texted her and she didn’t return his text.

So he texted her again. Begrudgingly, she agreed to meet him for a date. And the relationship progressed from there.

His first mistake was to keep pursuing when she wasn’t giving him enough back.

When you do that, you willingly enter into a field already sown with the seeds of disrespect.

As you get better with women, you become more sensitive to when a woman is not “giving you enough.”

She’s not showing enough interest. She’s not initiating enough with you. She’s not making enough of an effort.

Guys inexperienced with women tend to put MORE effort in when a girl isn’t giving him enough. This makes things even worse.

I recently had a girl cancel a date on me 30 minutes before the date.

“So sorry I can’t make it!” she texted me. “Let’s schedule something for next week if you’re still up for it.”

Most guys, when losing an opportunity like this, will give her more.

They’ll start to be nicer to the girl in the hopes that his dwindling opportunity is restored.

“Sure! No problem,” he’ll say. “Just let me know what day works for you.”

What he should be doing is upping the ante. Even if he did get a date with the girl in this situation, he would have no power on the date. She would have no respect for him.

Instead, he should be making the hurdle HIGHER for her if she’s showing less interest.

Instead of texting her back right away, I waited until the next day. In the afternoon, I texted her, “It depends, are you going to wear a skirt or jeans?”

Raising the hurdle higher like this does two important things for you.

First, If she really isn’t interested enough, it pushes her away. It slams the door shut on an opportunity that would have put you in a bad position anyway.

Second, if she does leap over that hurdle, it builds attraction and raises your perceived value.

Of all the tips, tricks and formulas for being confident or “alpha” with women, the most important is this:

Be willing to walk away if you aren’t getting enough respect or interest.

Respect for yourself begins here. It starts right at the beginning when you meet her… when you text her… when you invite her out on a date.

Practice letting women walk out that door.

Yes, you may have to learn to get women in the door if you can’t already do that.

But remember, women respect men who respect themselves.

You can’t ASK HER to respect you. You can only show her how much you respect yourself by not letting her get away with anything that disrespects you.

Often times, that means watching an opportunity die. And that may be the best thing.

As the old saying goes, it is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

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posted in Relationships, Text and Phone Game

COMMENTS
16 responses
Amor says:

Eric,
This should have been one of your first 10 posts, every guy should be required to read this article before going anywhere else on this website.
When you are caught in this situation is like a vicious circle, the more a woman walks over you, the more you go after her.

You mention that you replied the next day as a mean to demand respect but what are your limits? I mean, do you set a limit (i.e two broken dates) and then you delete her number? where do you set your boundaries, where is the “line”?

Something else very important, you mention respect if she disrespects you big time and you decide to cut off the interaction then you come back a few years later, will this be a whole new interaction? or will you still be the chump she walked all over for ever?

Eric Disco says:

You mention that you replied the next day as a mean to demand respect but what are your limits? I mean, do you set a limit (i.e two broken dates) and then you delete her number? where do you set your boundaries, where is the “line”?

Here are some of mine. I will reschedule a date after one cancelation/reschedule if she’s eager over text. If she says, “Sorry, I can’t make it,” and nothing else, I won’t reschedule. If she says, “So sorry, I had xx come up and I can’t make it, would it be possible to reschedule?” I will probably reschedule. If she flakes twice on me, there is very, very little chance I’ll reschedule.

There are other things too as well, like if she takes too long to get back to me when I ask her out, I probably won’t go on that date. If she doesn’t show enough interest when I text her, I may not invite her out at all.

Something else very important, you mention respect if she disrespects you big time and you decide to cut off the interaction then you come back a few years later, will this be a whole new interaction? or will you still be the chump she walked all over for ever?

It’s very hard to turn something like this around. If she comes back to me, then it may be different. But simply coming back to her after she disrespects you is almost impossible. It doesn’t simply wipe the slate clean. It’s far better than sticking around, but you are still working out of a deficit. She would have to put a lot of interest and work into it for me to restart it depending on how disrespectful she was. Like if she cheated on me, I can’t getting back together with her.

Ariel says:

Thanks Man,
As always, this post was exactly what I needed right now. This girl that gives me a hard time, but I am always tempted to try to make it work with her. I wonder if it’s just a certain group of guys, or is it all of us, that are magnetized to these problematic situations. From what you write, it sounds like you think it is almost all guys.
Yesterday, I had an awesome approach+instate date+ make out (first time it happened to me during the day!).
My life would be so much more peaceful if I could focus on girls whom it goes smoothly with, and not obsess about the problematic girls and complicated situations.

MrAntiquity says:

@Ariel–

I think it’s worse when you don’t date a lot. You’re not sure when (or if) an opportunity will come up again–so you invest a hell of a lot in not losing this…one… opportunity (which ends up sabotaging it most of the time anyway).

If you date a lot, you don’t really have that much reason to pursue someone you just met, or went on one date with who didn’t show much interest–because there are millions of other girls out there with whom you can have the same first-date experience, and you know that one will turn out positively soon enough. So it doesn’t really matter if you don’t get any particular one.

Once you’re in a relationship, or really like someone, then obviously it’s a different story because you become personally invested in them.

Josh says:

If there was a like button under this post, I would click it without hesitation. Thank you Eric, great article.

MrAntiquity touched a very important point here. My reps go to him.

If you approach and date many girls, you have the privilege to let one go, because you have other women for you in line. It is this moment when you realize dating a woman is not a big deal at all because there will be many others to date. It’s not the end of the world. Have abundance and that makes you more confident and gives you the power to let the woman out of the door.

I don’t keep a spreadsheet for this but my basic approach is to always have minimum one other woman in line to date me while I am dating another one. My quota is 3 women at a time because I don’t have enough time to invest in more than that. As soon as my 3 women count reduces to one, I approach another one I am interested in. It becomes easier if you are more social and participate at activities around you instead of sitting at home and waiting for women to come to you.

Ariel says:

Josh, Mr Antiquity – I am exactly working on developing this abundance. I am still in scarcity in terms of dates. Lately, I am getting a few good approach and 1-2 instant dates a week. But harder to get the follow-up date. For example, the girl I instant dated and even made out and kissed Thursday – is not answering my emailphone about the meeting we scheduled tomorrow.
Anyway, this is my dream – to be calm and confident in the socialromantinc area in my life, just as I am about moneywork – not that I am rich, but things always work out smoothly without much worry, or as I see it, they work smoothly *because* I am not worriedanxious about these things

JAlexo says:

Hey Eric. Great Post.

I totally agree with you. I actually lost several “opportunities” because I felt the girl was being too bossy. I rather walk away than lose my self-esteem.

I just know tomorrow I will meet another girl so why should I bother with one. I honestly believe if every guy had this mentality they wouldn’t have this problem. The truth is there is always a lot of women to meet. You just need to look outside.

Thanks

Josh says:

Ariel, that’s great. Working on it means progress.

I don’t have a date every week either. If it happens, it happens. I just keep my eyes open for the women who have the potential for a date. If she does not answer my call, I drop her to the bottom of my list and move on to the ones that have higher interest in me. If she decides to call back later, I might give her a chance. If not, then there wasn’t enough interest so I learn from my mistakes (if I have any, sometimes no mistakes on my part since not all the woman I meet have to be interested in me) and move on to improve myself.

During this process, I’ve realized that it really helps to be patient, confident and keep yourself as the prize she should earn. I focus on myself and ways to improve my life instead of meeting women all the time and the latter comes automatically.

dave says:

Ariel and Mr. Antiquity – Man, what effort! I hope that you find the lifestyle that makes you comfortable. Best wishes!

MrAntiquity says:

@Dave–

Thanks–but seriously it’s not really THAT much–my only goal in all this is not to get in the way of my own chances the way I always used to. I believe that pretty much anyone can date pretty much anyone else–except for all these stupid made-up rules and social conventions that make people falsely believe they’re out of the running.

Ariel says:

Thanks Dave:-)
I wish one day I will have MrAntiquity’s light approach, and for the most I do enjoy the process, but I find this getting free of social conditioning an intense serious thing.
We are kept in it by emotional pain – which is triggered every time you take a small step outside of the social norm (or at least, what you perceive as the social norm) .
Those emotions that are triggered are intense. But feeling them more completely without resistance is where real transformation happens – resulting in more happiness and inner peace in the long run.
Eric’s approach is what enabled me to make it more of an adventure than a nightmare.

Mr. Ham says:

Her Eric,

Spot on post. But could this same concept be applied to a relationship?

When I first started dating my current g/f she initiated everything. She wanted to be exclusive and so we became exclusive. I didn’t mind. However, in the last month, her initiation, contact has dwindled to nothing at all. I understand that she is super busy with school and all but it does not take that long to shoot someone a message. At first, I gave her space but this has been going on for about a month now. We have talked maybe once on the phone. Her messages if any are once or twice a week. I just have this fear of loosing her because in my eyes, she is a very attractive girl. I think I may have already lost my power with her. As in your other post, maybe it is best if I should end it. Any advice would be appreciated.

Lee says:

Dude, what you should do is immediately disappear. Just stop texting. No explanations. Make her feel the loss. Even if she doesn’t text to ask what’s up, you’re better off. But even if she does, remain silent. If she keeps texting you as if she’s worried, respond briefly. “all’s good. just busy. talk soon.” Like that. If she doesn’t contact you, you can ping her in a few months – three to six is how long I’d wait. You’ve heard about the concept of the ping here. That’s what you should use. However, the first thing to do is disappear. No discussions. No explanations. If you have any remaining power with her, this will boost your strength so you can reboot this relationship. If you have no power with her, this will end the relationship, but, as the above article says, better to die on your feet than live (a little longer) on your knees.

–Lee

Mr. Ham says:

For 3 – 6? For real? Damn. I have feelings of insecurity when I think about that. Damn. I know that I have to back away but for that long?

Lee says:

Here is my rule of thumb. Multiply by two the time over which trouble developed in your relationship. You say she hasn’t initiated contact and has been unavailable except for a phone call in the last month. Let’s say that trend – the trend towards less contact – started a month and a half ago. You need to disappear for a minimum of three months. If it started three months ago, you need to disappear for a minimum of six months. The worst thing you can do is disappear for some short period of time – say a week – and then come back as soon as she shows signs of wanting you back. At that point, you would be reinforcing her sense that she can manipulate you. Don’t do it. She has to believe she has lost you. She has to come to the conclusion that she made a mistake, that she feels the loss. Then and only then can you reboot that bad relationship.

Manray says:

Wow. This is an area I can see I need some work on. I have tended to hang onto relationships too long. When I finally end them, I’m always relieved and wondered why I waited so long.

Do any of you guys ever advocate dropping/dumping someone you have a strong attraction to just to build the skill of being un-attached? Or is just holding the line on them keeping the initiative up, or walking away with it starts going bad, sufficient?

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