A reader writes:
I just bought your new “She’s Six steps away” book, and I think it’s great.
I’m not new into the whole cold approach thing, but I have a hard time practicing everyday consistently, that’s why I bought your book.
I know that the most effective way for success is through systems and methods.
Up until now, I think you’re one of the rare guys who created a method, easy and clear enough, to go from point A to point B, in a progressive way; even though other coaches deliver great information.
So I decided to start all over again, with the help of your method, and create new habits, one step at a time, that will get me better and better on the long-term.
Now, I’m following step 1 for a few days, and I decided to use this step to incorporate other concepts I know to improve my mindset and my observation skills.
And it works great!
But I’m a little confused by something.
Since I already got some skills (this the consistency part that I had a problem with), sometimes I feel a strong push to go talk to a woman or a person, but I just limit myself and don’t do it, since it’s not a part of my goals for the day.
The thing is that I don’t know if I should just follow your method on a daily basis, staying open and go a little further (start approaching etc…) when I feel the push; or should I just wait, be patient, and build momentum for step 3?
I know I can do more than just go out and observe, I know I already have the skills to approach women, but I also don’t want to go too fast too soon.
What is your advice on this ?
Again great job with your course :)
If you want to read through the entire program first, that’s fine.
One of the most important aspects of this program is creating constraints for yourself.
A constraint is an artificial limitation you impose on yourself. Each step of this program has its own constraints.
For example in Step 1, you go out and find women without allowing yourself to interact with them. In Step 2, you stand next to women without allowing yourself to talk with them. In Step 3, you say something and walk away, not allowing yourself to stay and talk to them after asking an initial question.
By placing constraints on yourself, it may feel as if you are missing an opportunity to get with an amazing woman. That’s possible.
But you are going to miss opportunities even without putting constraints on yourself.
Having a goal with constraints eases the pressure and thus eases uncertainty.
If you know that you only have a little to do as opposed to a lot, you are much more likely to do it in the first place.
There is a tendency to try to make everything happen at once.
By placing an artificial limitation on yourself, you are practicing being action-oriented rather than results-oriented.
If nothing else, you are practicing enjoying the process for what it is, rather than trying to get an outcome.
Being outcome independent is one of the most attractive things to women.
And you don’t get that from simply deciding to not care about results; it’s something you practice.
But the earlier steps are the most important parts as they lay down the foundation for what comes next.
Trust the process even though you may not ‘feel” like you’re improving.
It’s okay if you feel a desire to rush ahead.
Don’t do it.
Embrace that feeling and use it when you get to that step.
There is plenty to work on at each step, no matter how good you are with women.
There are things that you can work on at these earlier steps no matter how good you get.
I still work on things at Step 1: my posture, walking around slowly, finding new places to meet women, etc.
Learn to appreciate where you are, rather than where you want to be.
Because, after all, no matter how good you get, where ever you’re at, there you are.