Use Leverage to Amplify Attraction

by Eric Disco
Jan 19

Most guys look at their success with women as a one-to-one ratio.

She’s got those qualities. I’ve got these qualities. Am I good enough for her?

It’s a simple one-to-one equation for them.

But guys who are great with women know how to use leverage.

Archimedes famously said, “Give me a lever long enough and I’ll move the world.”

With a long beam and a fulcrum, you can move something multiple times heavier than you’d be able to move without.

That’s the definition of leverage.

When it comes to doing well with women, the same applies.

The way you use leverage is to take what’s been given to you and use it for multiple times what it would normally be worth.

In this way, a guy can capitalize on a tiny bit of interest–or a tiny opening–and make things happen.

Here are a few ways to do this.

Bzzzt. Boring!

You start talking with a woman. She’s receptive at first. And you get into a mild conversation. But you find yourself talking about mundane topics.

Most guys would be happy to just be in a conversation with a woman, so they stay on track. They keep going in the same boring direction.

But a guy who’s good knows how to leverage this small bit of interest she’s given him.

I’ll sometimes even get a girl to talk about something boring on purpose. I’ll find out where she’s from and then mention New York winters.

She starts to say something about the weather and then I cut her off.

“–alright! This is boring conversation. Let’s talk about something more interesting. The first boy you ever kissed, tell me the story.”

Lee does this too. If a girl asks him a boring question, he’ll cut her off with “Bzzzt! Conversation filler! New topic: have you ever kissed a girl?”

Of course, he’s ready with a story of his own when she throws the question back to him.

This is also known as ‘breaking rapport.’

Glenn will do something similar in sending text messages to a girl. If she asks a boring question, he’ll send zzzz’s as if he’s falling asleep.

Validate her rather than talk up commonalities

Most guys will look for commonalities when talking with a girl. He finds out she skis. “I like to ski too!” he’ll say.

Over and over he does this, trying to show her that he’s just like her.

But the more he does this, the more he’s sending her a message: I’m trying to win you over.

This is so boring for her.

Instead, you want to validate her as if she just won your interest. You can give her a hug and say, “Yes! That’s awesome. Hug. A girl that likes to ski.”

Chances are she’ll ask you if you ski, and then you can share it. But instead of showing her how much you’re like her, you want to validate her.

And then take it away.

Once you validate her, in the next sentence, you can take it away.

A girl tells me she’s into electronic music. I validate her. “Yes! I knew there was more to you than your looks. That’s awesome!”

Later, she tells me she’s also into folk music.

“Oh, you were doing so well. And then you had to bring that up.” I say it playfully, but still turn away from her a little as if she’s losing my interest.

This is also known as push/pull. It keeps her trying to win your interest. That’s fun for her. All of a sudden you’re a challenge.

Call out when she brings up commonalities

This is something fun I like to do. I’ll mention something, like I’m into electronic music. And then she’ll say that she’s into electronic music.

I’ll bust on her. “Are you really into electronic music or are you just saying that because I said it?”

Again, in calling this out, the underlying communication here is that she is trying to win me over.

I took something that she did–displayed some commonalities–and I leveraged it into so much more.

It can sometimes seem like a gorgeous woman is so far out of your league. It seems almost impossible for you to get enough attraction to get that girl to like you.

In this way, you start to see how no woman is out of your league.

You don’t need a lot of attraction at first. Just a little. And use leverage from there.

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posted in Attraction, Rapport Skills

COMMENTS
10 responses
Chrys says:

Haha great post I like the archimedes intro because I am Greek…. Usefull tip, thanks Eric

GlennP says:

@ Validate her rather than talk up commonalities…

But before I comment… I just wanna say that this is a great post. Lot’s of clear cut examples explained in a way anyone can do! I’m sure this will help a ton of men…

Eric is the man!

So, I wanted to just add to Eric’s section of this post “Validate her rather than talk up commonalities.”

I do agree with Eric on this but be careful as you might find yourself on slippery slopes if you do this to often.

Women NEED and GET validation all day long anyway they can get it. They get it on internet dating sites, from girlfriends, AFC guys. They are validation junkies. Without validation their little ego’s will fall into the depths of social lowness i.e. hell for a woman and have them seeking professional help from a trained psychologist!

Typically women will fall for the guys who only validate them to the bare minimum. When you validate a woman there is no challenge for her. She’s got you and she knows it.

Off of a cold approach pick-up I will only validate a woman ONCE! And ONLY ONCE. I will validate her on something that no other guy has validated her on in a long while. Maybe it will be her drive in life or a unique view. But NO surface validation at all. Which means her looks, etc…

The rest of the pick up until we are actually having sex, I am literally breaking rapport with her.

Yes, I will find things we have in common but on everything we have in common I will find the polar opposite to disagree with her on.

Even if I don’t disagree, I will disagree to use the power of rapport breaking to the fullest.

Her: I love Rod Stewart
Me: Ewwwwww, what do you have a thing for skinny blondes in their 70′s? CREEEEEEPY…. And what the hell do you know about Rod Stewart anyway?

Now, I love Rod Stewart but like I said, breaking rapport in this way creates intrigue, challenge, allows for interesting conversation, gets women to actually for once in their lives defend the things in which she loves with a guy and makes you stand out from the masses of men who will agree with anything our lovely little buttercup will spit out of her mouth in the hopes to drink from her sweet nectar of a vagina the first chance they get!

Also, breaking rapport will show her that you are a man of values and are non-outcome dependent which women will find most attractive.

Eric… We better hang before I go to LA!!!!

GlennP

Adam says:

This is helpful. My main problem is keeping an interesting conversation going with a girl that I’m trying to pick up. I usually run out of things to say and end up boring even myself with the stupid shit I talk about.
Thanks for the advice!

KL says:

“You start talking with a woman. She’s receptive at first. And you get into a mild conversation. But you find yourself talking about mundane topics.”

Ugh… I’ve had that happen so many times. Frustrating as hell. Goes back to “not knowing what to say” and all that BS.

Adam: “…and end up boring even myself with the stupid shit I talk about.”

Haha, been there, man! Why the hell am I talking about nonsense I don’t want to talk about? We as men should talk about what we want, what gets us excited and passionate.

Excellent article, Eric. Here’s my question though:

“I say it playfully, but still turn away from her a little as if she’s losing my interest.”

Women are pretty savvy. Isn’t a girl going to be able to tell when you’re just playfully acting disinterested, without REALLY being disinterested/ turned off? And then she’s like “oh, cool guy, but he’s obviously into me.”?

Isn’t it better to express genuine disagreement and real standards to keep her on her toes?

affi says:

Great post Eric. Keep up the good work.

george says:

I am wondering if this advice and others on this website apply to all women, or mostly those fun,outgoing women who are physically very attractive, that feel very attractive and have great self esteem. When I talk to women who are not “9 or 10′s” or are sweet, they do not seem to get my banter…

Blink says:

Eric, would this apply in social circle situations? a stranger at school?

Eric Disco says:

KL says

Isn’t a girl going to be able to tell when you’re just playfully acting disinterested, without REALLY being disinterested/ turned off? And then she’s like “oh, cool guy, but he’s obviously into me.”?

You can do it both ways. Just because you joke that you’re disinterested in her doesn’t mean that you’re interested in her. Being more serious tends to deliver this more strongly, while being playful tends to make things more fun.

You do want to have some genuine disagreement but you also what to make it fun. So really at some point, you’re going to be pushing her away more seriously and at others more playfully.

Eric

Eric Disco says:

george says

I am wondering if this advice and others on this website apply to all women, or mostly those fun,outgoing women who are physically very attractive, that feel very attractive and have great self esteem. When I talk to women who are not “9 or 10′s” or are sweet, they do not seem to get my banter?

This comes down to calibration. if a woman isn’t as attractive, you may not need to use this stuff at all. too much can make you over-qualified. If she’s already showing a lot of interest, then you don’t need to amplify attraction.

Eric

Betty Rocker says:

This is such a great post, and so true. From a girl’s perspective, this is so effective. It’s not enough if I’m attracted to you on some mundane physical level, I need to be stimulated and especially challenged by you and your conversation. I agree 100%, no woman is out of your league. No matter how hot we are, at the end of the day we all want the same thing: somebody who we perceive to have equal value to ourselves. The sooner you realize how awesome you are, the quicker all this will work for you :)

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