My first relationship with a woman was a mess. I succeeded in making us both very, very unhappy.

I made us unhappy because I was such a wussy.

This girl was madly in love with me. And she acted that way around me.

When you are with a girl who is madly in love with you, it’s easy to feel secure, act aloof, and make her come to you.

These are all great dominant traits to exhibit in a relationship.

So one might think the fact that she was in love with me made me the dominant one in the relationship.

If you thought that, you would be wrong.

Just because a girl is more into you than you are into her, does not make you dominant in the relationship. It helps, but it’s not the end of the story.

Here’s where this can go wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

No matter how good you get, you will always feel a bit of intimidation when talking with the women you like most. You may have dated a hundred women, but what happens with the next woman is always an unknown.

What Tyson says about fear is spot on. It gets at the heart of dealing with fear and anxiety: it’s a paradox. Read the rest of this entry »

RK, a reader of ApproachAnxiety.com, asks:

Could you give some pointers about how to behave when she admits she’s dating someone else but obviously has an attraction for you. I’m regrettably facing this right now and don’t know if I should play along or show my irritation.

Regardless of what she tells you, you want to assume that there are other people in the equation and proceed as such. If she’s an attractive girl, there will always be some flotsam and jetsam in the vicinity, no matter how much she is into you.

A verbal commitment or even marriage is no way to guarantee that she will not hook up with other guys or–more importantly–that she will not lose attraction for you. You must continue to keep her interested at all times.

Read the rest of this entry »

One of the focuses here at ApproachAnxiety.com is learning to understand and deal with all feelings.

In our society, there is this idea that you should never feel bad. There are certain emotions and feelings which are unacceptable: Fear. Anxiety. Rejection. Hurt. Loss. Depression. Sadness. Weakness.

As most of you know, I never feel any of these. ;)

In actuality, we all feel these. No one goes through life without feeling hurt or loss.

The problem isn’t that you feel these things. The problems happen when you feel these things and think that you shouldn’t be feeling them. When pain is accompanied by non-acceptance, it leads to suffering. You struggle with it and wonder exactly what is wrong with you instead of accepting that this is a natural part of life.

The other day, I was talking with a client of mine. Read the rest of this entry »

They’re stunning.

Two amazing women walk out the front door of the restaurant.

My friend and I are sitting at a table outside.

We noticed them inside earlier and even saw some eye contact, but conditions weren’t right to open.

I’m sitting there in conversation with my friend when they walk over to us.

“I’m wondering if I can ask you guys a question about places around here…” she begins.

“You know, if you wanted to come talk to us,” I say, “you could just say hi.”

A smile creeps across her face.

“My name’s Eric,” I say. She laughs and introduces herself. “My name’s Melissa and this is Anna.”

Women do the same things men do when they’re interested, except they are usually more indirect.

Whenever a woman opens a conversation with me, I bust on her a bit first. This completely reverses any power she may have in the situation.

Read the rest of this entry »