Why Women are Attracted to Older Men

by Eric Disco
Jul 30

“Wearing a white shirt in the rain. Women are staring at my chest,” I text her.

“C’mon,” she texts back. “Can you blame them for ogling?”

She gets the joke immediately.

If she had sent me a text that men were ogling her chest, it would not have been funny. It could have been true.

The other way around? Not so much.

Why is it ridiculous when I say it but not when she does?

Neko Case, once voted by Playboy as the Sexiest Babe in Indie Rock, is now 40 years old.

She laments that female rock stars don’t get groupies, unlike their male counterparts.

“No, ladies in bands don’t get ANY action,” she says. A chorus of female rock stars chime in to agree with her.

The reason that male rock stars are more likely to get throngs of groupies is the same reason that women are less likely to ogle men’s bodies.

Women are attracted to very different things than men are.

All of my friends who are decent with women would agree that their age is hardly a liability in attracting and dating younger women.

There are certain venues where age is prohibitive, such as online dating, where women seeking out men will filter based on logical preference.

But in person, a 25-year-old woman is just as likely to respond to a 40-year-old man as she is to a 25-year-old man.

And this is not simply conjecture by friends of mine with inflated egos.

It’s science.

There is a very specific reason why women are attracted to older men and not the other way around.

At Colgate University, a study was conducted where 300 male and female students rated facial features that were subtly altered on Identi-Kit models.

Identi-Kit is used by police to build pictures of sought-after persons.

Facial composites constructed from Identi-Kit materials were used to assess the impact of characteristically mature and immature eyebrows, eyes, lips, and jaws on perceptions of social dominance and attractiveness. Male and female faces were identically composed except for hair.

Subjects rated faces on scales for dominance and attractiveness. Mature traits were hypothesized to make all faces look dominant and male faces appear attractive. Female faces were predicted to look attractive when displaying immature, nondominant facial cues.

The results confirmed that mature traits generally raised dominance and attractiveness ratings for male faces.

The traits that successfully raised dominance ratings for male faces made females look less attractive. Eye size had the most reliable effect on both dominance and attractiveness ratings for female faces. Eyes that make females look nondominant also made them look attractive.

The reason that women are attracted to older men and men are less likely to be attracted to older women: dominance.

Dominance is an aphrodisiac for women.

In animals, physical and social traits identify dominance in males.

Social dominance is measured by success in attracting mates and forming coalitions with other males. In other words: high status. The rock star.

Physical markers indicating dominance differ in species and include things like horn size in sheep and graying in gorillas. Physical dominance markers often coincide with age markers.

In primates, the “square jaw” is attractive because primates with fully-developed teeth have a stronger jaw and they can use those teeth to intimidate other individuals.

As men age, they are more likely to achieve higher social status and be socially dominant. This makes men more attractive as they get older.

However, dominant attributes, such as a square jaw and rock star status, only benefit males when it comes to attraction. Females tend to attract mates via the “cute response.”

Infantile features such as thick lips and large eyes are appealing because they stimulate the caretaking response.

When maintained into adulthood, these physical attributes are attractive because they display youth and nondominance.

The fact that men are much more sensitive to youth and physical beauty is not surprising. After a certain age, women are completely unable to reproduce, where as men are physically able to reproduce their entire lives.

The differential expression of attraction between men and women reflects that.

You could almost write it on a greeting card: I get sexier as I get older. For men, at least, it’s true.


posted in Attraction

100 responses
Steve says:

Agree with all this. Unless she is a cougar haha.

I recall a moment 6 years ago when I was trying to get my first gf. We liked each other and mingled well, even dated. Turns out shortly afterwards she is with a guy 5 years older than both of us.
Heartbroken and she actually told me last month she likes me in a pm on facebook after me managed to connect again but I said we’re just friends. Patience is a virtue haha


Jonathan says:

I have created a neat trick to emulate rockstar status. You need to be in an environment where people basically linger and are not focused, like in a crowded subway station, clubs are probably a good space as well.
All you have to do is choose a few girls around you (who you find attractive, of course) , standing in different places and start intensive eye contact with all of them at the same time. Don’t worry, they will notice. They won’t only notice you but each of them will also notice the other girls interest in you as well. Like the Federal reserve creates money out of thin air, you can create heavy duty preselection out of nothing….

Like I already wrote in another comment here, I am mid-fifty and I am almost exclusively interested in good looking twenty-something. Nothing more than a finger snip and a lot are taking heed like a hungry leopard. It’s really amazing. But I am afraid it’s all over at 65 *LOL*

Zhelyazko says:

Great post as usual Eric. Lots of notes taken again.

Jonathan you analogy with the federal reserve is killing me :D . Nice.


Cameron says:

Johnathan, you have balls, I like balls. I have to try this.

Jon says:

If this was so true, then why on online dating sites do so many women say 35 years of age put ages they look for as 25 to 40 or say they are 45 they put 30 to 45?

I rarely see women on online sites say they want older men. If this article is so true then why is that they case? If you want proof I could find you at least 50 profiles of very attractive women that do that on match.com or POF.

I also encounter this when I am out. When people find out I am in my 40′s (I look early to mid 30′s) they are stunned. Women just run. They make all kinds of excuses. We could be talking for an hour and getting along well but they find out that I am “older” they will not date me.

So please explain that if you can.

Nick says:

Definitely have to agree with you here. I used to go out with a guy who hit 50 and was incredible with women. The only girls he would date would be in the mid to late 20s. All the male celebrities now pushing their 50s (Clooney, Pitt, Depp, etc) are looking better than ever. As they say, men age like fine wine. Excellent post :)

Lee says:

@Jon This article acknowledges that online dating is different. If a man is stripped of all of the tools he can use to demonstrate value – touch, voice tone, a confident demeanor, the right use of facial expressions, use of space, etc – then age plays a big difference. I don’t do online, but I do keep a few profiles around just so I can try to understand the dynamics of the environment. I can confirm that since I hit 45 (I am almost 47), I get very few visitors to my online profile. It is entirely different in real life. I get the same positive reactions flirting with girls in their 20′s as I do flirting with women in their 40′s. –Lee

Jon says:


Yes you are correct but I just see it so much via online that I get fazed by it I guess.

My thing is that I also experience live when I am “in field” or the real world. I will start some great chats and things really start to progress than a young lady will ask me my age, I will try and pass it off but its hard. They really dig and will not give up so I tell them and its goodbye very quickly. Its like they get spooked. Happened to me this weekend at various bars when I was out with my friends.

I hear all kinds of stories about guys in their 40′s and 50′s dating younger women and I never see it nor have experienced it. I am in my early 40′s myself and its like I am a leper or have a contagious virus. Yet I will see these same beautiful young women date guys that are in their early 30”s that are personality challenged, out of shape and look older than I do! I get so perplexed.

I actually lied to a young lady a couple of months ago and it worked for about a month. I told her I was 35 and she believed me. I even asked her several times, “If I was say 43 or 44 would you date me?” and she would tell me, “No, its really weird. What if we wanted children, you would be too old and I just don’t feel comfortable with older men, it would be kind of like dating an older brother or my father”. Well it did not go over well when she found out my true age.

Its like the height thing, though I am not really short there are couple of things attractive women will not tolerate in today’s dating world and that is lack of height, over a certain age and lack of money. Not our fathers world by a long shot. Attractive women can pick who they want.

Jon says:


Yes those celebrities have age gracefully but they are celebrities and “older” good looking men have always done well in Hollywood as opposed to the real world. Look at Cary Grant, Clark Gable, John Wayne, Robert Redford, Robert Mitchum, William Holden, Steve McQueen and Paul Newman. Its kind of time tested but in the real world its not the same at least from what I have experienced unless women are looking for sugar daddy’s. You see that plenty in NYC, Vegas, LA, Miami and even middle America.

I work in the hardware trade and go to a lot of tradeshows throughout the country. I see so many older store owners with May brides and you know its a sugar daddy thing. I am sure there is the occasion true attraction thing but we sit and laugh at how young some of these women are (early 20′s to say 30) with 70 year old retailers. Its quite amusing.

Lee says:

@Jon You are apologizing for your age. If you truly believe that age is a liability, why should the women you approach believe it’s an asset. I have a completely different experience. From the very start, I am skeptical that a woman so much younger than I am has the wisdom or experience to keep me interested. I never lie about my age and I don’t apologize for it. If anything, young women who are interested in me apologize for their age. I gave this example in another post on this site: I am a reader. When I am talking to a woman who is much younger than I am, I say “How old are you? Like 25? You know, when I was 25, the only novels I read were the ones assigned to me in school. Is that you?” This isn’t some kind of gimmick. I really want a woman who appreciates literature, and I am a little skeptical that someone that young can keep up with me. What’s the result? Young women chase me, not the other way around. It seems that you are doing exactly the opposite. You’re apologizing for your age, while giving her a free ride on the good qualities that an older person is much more likely to possess than a younger person. –Lee

KL says:

In my case, the “weakness” is not age but height. I have an online profile and I listed my actual height, and I have gotten a few women messaging me, and in fact have several dates in the works. I have not gotten any responses to messages I sent out though.

So tonight I decided to try an experiment–I simply removed my height altogether. I will post more in the forum for anyone who is interested.

But Lee makes a great point–it’s only a weakness if you think it is. Make it her problem instead of yours. Instead of expecting a woman to say “I don’t usually date shorter men” I can say “I don’t usually date taller women,” which is true. Many tall women are insecure about their height.

On a related note, today I got the number of a very pretty fashion model who is like 5 inches taller than me.

Lee says:

@KL Love it! Yes, you could reverse the power dynamic just the way you described. “My my you’re a tall one. Usually, I find tall girls kinda dorky and gawky, but you carry it well.” :-) Or you can ignore it and go on to qualify her in other areas. As long as you’re the prize. Sounds like you have no problems overcoming this hurdle, though, so more carry on, soldier! –Lee

Christian says:

Thanks Lee for the reminder about keeping your frame. I did this recently with a girl 10 years younger than me, who I dated for a few months. It worked wonders at the beginning when I was always throwing in stuff like “but you’ve never read the Fountainhead, so I don’t know if this can work out” :-) Of course, once I lost my frame and started seeking her approval, it all went to shite… so it’s good to be reminded of what works!

unnatural says:

I read this and understand but find it difficult to believe internally. I am the older man and have massive difficulty approaching much younger women. If anyone has conquered this, I would appreciate comments on how you overcame this or even possibly winging with you to see it in with my own eyes (if in NYC reach me at nativeny1234@hotmail.com). Lee.. you are the master so I know what you’ll say :)

Lee says:

@unnatural Sorry, can’t resist writing even though you specifically told me not to :-) Out of curiosity, what seems natural to you? What age difference? Also, I am assuming that what you appreciate about much younger women is their beauty, innocence, etc. We all do. But what is it about much younger women that turns you off? Anything? There better be something, or you’re fucked. Seriously, if you believe that youth is an absolute positive with no offsetting negatives, you’re throwing firecrackers at a machine gun nest. To me, here is the ultimate narrative for an older man sarging a younger woman: He uses an indirect opener to start a conversation. She knows he’s flirting, but it’s hard to gauge his actual level of interest. He doesn’t try to hide his age, but he has a sense of style that makes him look more daring and creative than most of the younger men she meets. (Makes sense. He has enough experience to appreciate style, and, in most cases, he can afford it better than men her own age.) Just when she expects that he will reveal his interest, he starts asking her questions that seem to indicate he’s more skeptical about her than she originally thought. He talks about traveling, reading, film, adventure. She’s just out of school living with a roommate in a barely furnished apartment. She hasn’t had time to do any of these things. The realization slowly creeps in: She may not meet his standards of accomplishment. This man is not one of the boys whose interest she can take for granted. She has to fight for it. She starts qualifying herself, and he responds positively to her efforts, but just when they seem to be making a good connection, he tells her he has to go. He has friends waiting. She is disappointed, and a little surprised. She’s not used to boys cutting it short. This is a new and unnerving experience for her. But before he goes, almost absent mindedly, he tells her they can hang out again. She is relieved, but still not 100% confident she has his full interest. He mentions that he wants to read her a few pages from that important novel she said she’d never read. Is that what she is for him, a new pal, a little sister? Or is this his way of starting a romance? She accepts his invitation, and secretly hopes it’s the latter :-) Lee

Roger says:

Pretty interesting article here. I have noticed that with online women are very discriminate and I can see where the logic base would be for women say around 35 to want a guy between 30 and 40. That makes sense but the question on why so many women online are looking for younger men, that has me quite baffled.

My question is this. Why do I see so many women say age 40 post that they are looking for guys 25 to 40 or even when they are 45 or 50 post looking for men 35 to 50. Alot of these women are pretty attractive if not gorgeous at least from their photos. I have even emailed these women to see if they are fake and from their responses to me, they seem to be real. Why would so many women be looking for younger men via online rather than in the real world? Is it that they cannot find them in the real world? I have trouble understanding that one. I see this also on chemistry.com, eharmony and used too on the old yahoo personals.

Anybody have a comment on this?

Lee says:

I am calling bullshit on this observation. I just tested it. I went to match.com and searched for women 39-41 with no other filters. I got a list of ten women, whose names appear below. I took the first ten and looked at their ages and their age preference. Ages:

40 39 39 41 40 40 40 40 40 39

Age prefs (avg of range):

41.5 46.0 39.5 45.0 50.0 42.5 57.5 42.5 40.0 42.5

Regressing one against the other in R (without the intercept), I got the following:

lm(formula = y ~ x – 1)


In other words, these women on average prefer a man 12% older, which is completely consistent with the scientific literature. (I would bet anything the number goes higher when we look at younger women.)

The standard deviation of the age difference preference is 5.3 years. In other words, only 1 in 20 women would prefer a man 10 years younger.

The list follows. The first number is age. The second number is age preference range.



Cameron says:

Lee, you take this shit too far sometimes. :-)

Steve says:

I don’t know whether he is serious or taking the piss :s


Steve says:

No he is taking the piss definitely I just read it closely

Lee says:

Dudes! I’m a math professor. What the fuck am I supposed to do? This is how I geek out. –Lee

Carl888 says:

Lee’s test was the empirical confutation of a false hypothesis – and one that matters for me (age 48). @Lee: I found your comment so sexy that I must must must meet you in person if I’m ever in NYC (or you come to Germany again).

Seriously: I’m trying to improve with women for over a year now. In the beginning I made huge efforts and barely kept up with my university duties. I had neither time nor concentration for doing any scientific research (while all the years I did reserach every spare minute ignoring developing social skills for decades). But I started to miss it. Recently I returned to doing concentrated research again and my determination to improve on the other front faded. My present challenge is to balance working again on my life’s general aims (which involve tackling hard scientific questions) and working on my social skills. Someone like Lee who seems to have achieved this is my model.

Lee says:

@Carl888 It would be my pleasure, dude! Any time

Cameron says:

One thing that is interesting about the data is that (assuming all women to be 30) some women have an age range like this 25-35 ( so they don’t seem to mind a man being older or younger as long as he isn’t too much older or too much younger)

but most women have one that looks like this 25-40, in other words they have a clear preference for older men, but are prepared to “settle” for a younger man if necessary, women are showing their pragmatic side.

Then I have a question: How much important is height? I cannot scale myself because I’m also a bit underweight. Where do I stand?

Lee says:

@Ilhan Everything matters. I remember reading in one of the studies that a guy who is 5’4″ needs to make something like $300k to be as attractive as a guy who is 5’10″ at the mean salary. Looks, height, ethnicity, geographic location, etc all matter. If you do what the average guy does to meet women – nothing at all – then all of these things will become the determining factor in your success.The question is how much these factors matter relative to game – the skill of approaching, attracting, and maintaining a relationship with women. If you have game, the number of opportunities to meet women goes up so much that all other factors become very weak predictors of your success. Think about this: Would the average guy hit on a girl in an elevator? In the subway? At the coffee shop? In the park? In the book store? There are so many opportunities to meet women in the course of our daily activities. Even if your success rate is twenty times worse than the average man, game gives you so much more opportunity for success that in the end, all other attributes become very, very secondary. –Lee

Roger says:


You certainly did some nice calculations there, however I can show you tons of match.com profiles that for say a woman 40 will say something like 25-45 or 30 to 45. I need to post them to show you.

Ok height, I will probably be crucified here, but height is like 90% of it. It truly is. Especially with online. If you are not at least say 5’10, its very difficult at best. I am not the tallest guy myself but when I do try posting 5’11 or maybe 6’1, I get a lot more responses and from good looking women. Women are shallow creatures, do not let anyone fool you and its tough. I do not know what is worse, the age or the height thing. Its like you are a leper or a criminal for not being perfect.

As for average guys hitting on women, I know I personally hit on tons of women all the time at the grocery store, parks, restaurants and you name it its tough. Have had only one date this year yet and she told me that she could not handle me being 2 to 3 inches shorter than her while she was wearing heels. Yeah, that was rough.

Lee says:

@Roger Dude, what you are saying is NOT SCIENCE! Science is not “finding” women whose profile preferences agree with your perception. Science is doing what I did: I chose a random sample – the first ten women who popped up in a search of 39 to 41 year olds – and calculated their average age difference preference and the standard deviation of that preference. Now, there are valid scientific criticisms of what I did. You may say that the sample I chose is too small – that I need more like 30 or more profiles to determine the true mean and standard deviation. However, what you are saying – that you will be able to go and find profiles of women who prefer younger men – would be true regardless of how many women’s profiles I use in my analysis. In other words, I were to analyze 1,000,000 profiles and show with virtual statistical certainty that women ON AVERAGE prefer older men, you would still be able to go into Match.com and find some women who don’t. That my friend is called junk science because it says nothing about the preference of the average woman. –Lee

KL says:

Hey Roger,

I will grant you that online height is more significant (although just how significant–that’s what my “experiment” in the forum is trying to determine, check it out), because she can’t interact with you in person.

But 90%? haha Come on!

I’ll say it again on this website: I am 5’5″. Yet it hasn’t held me back at all.

I took a girl out that I met online. She is one inch taller than me. Fucked her on the first date. Two days later, she came back for seconds.

I got the number of a sexy fashion model, like 5 inches taller than me, as I wrote in my comment above.

I’ve been on several dates with another woman about 1-2 inches taller than me, and she’s crazy about me (she’s also engaged).

I hooked up with a girl who is about an inch shorter than me, but at the time of our hookup, was wearing heels that made her several inches taller.

I get looks and eye contact all the time from women of all shapes and sizes.

I don’t have many more stories because I generally prefer women who are as short or shorter than me. I hate to sound like a braggart, but the truth must be told. It’s all in your head.

Jonathan says:

what I cannot understand: why would any one guy, who is seriously into studying pickup and improving himself , want to go to online dating sites?
To me it is similar to becoming a PUA and then regularly roaming red light districts for having sex.
But then, may be I am to old; I still haven’t been able to grasp the concept of facebook yet ….

KL: yup :)

I seriously think everyone in ‘pickup’ (all coaches, etc) should be 5’2 or less so that people can actually start believing that EVERY GUYS is allowed to date attractive girls.

Lee says:

@GoodyearBlimp I think I’m with you on this one. I’ve always had a problem with good looking coaches telling students to do what only good looking men can do. My theory is this: The better looking you are, the less you have to say. That’s why there are guys out there who can ask for contact info after literally a minute of conversation – like Janka. He seems confident and and polished, and his game may be awesome, but I have no way of determining how good he really is because he’s so damn good looking. As for me, I am 6’1″ and thin. But that’s where my advantages end. I’m 47 in September and realistically about a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. It’s hard to get a true sense of your own looks because asking women who are already attracted to you gets you nothing but praise and friends are afraid to offend you. So I took very ordinary pics of myself and put them up on Hotornot, did some number crunching to account for the bias in ratings, and came up with 7. I’m a 7, not a bad looking guy, but not someone women would describe as striking or handsome. I wouldn’t date a chick who’s a 7. Now think about this. Suppose a coach who, while ugly, foreign, thick accented, and short were to improve his game from, say 1 in 200 – what the average man can do with his deficits – to 1 in 40. Would any student be impressed? In other words, if this guy has to get rejected and flaked on 39 times to get a single real date, is that someone a student would find worthy of spending say $1.5k on? Would a student really appreciate a coach who has to make 40 approaches in one night to see one success? I strongly doubt it. Part of the problem is that students want to see success, so they are not picking coaches who, relative to their deficits have achieved the greatest improvements. They are picking coaches who, on an absolute basis, can show them the most success per unit time. And those happen to be coaches who are better looking. –Lee

Lee says:

This is the NY times profile of John Keegan – He’s not a bad looking guy, but he’s short and bald, which is obvious in this series of photographs:


Height? Hair? Age? Come on guys. How many counterexamples do you need?


KL says:


I never really considered online dating until relatively recently. It’s an interesting experience. The general idea, though, is that you want to give yourself as many chances to meet women as possible. The more experience, the better.

Also, it still takes skill and personality, so it’s not on par with paying for sex, it’s just a different medium than meeting someone face to face. With most guys failing at online dating, they would tell you it is anything but the easy access of paying for sex, lol.

Jonathan says:


you cannot change limiting beliefs of other people by showing manifestations which support your own belief system, no matter how good and how numerous your proofs are. The dis- believe-rs still first must make the decision to question their current beliefs in favour of the new ones offered. Too often, people simply refuse to change their life; status quo and thus complaining is probably more gratifying for them for whatever reason.

Lee says:

@Jonathan Agreed. It’s obvious. However, my job here is not to try to light the rain-soaked coals. My job here is to fan the flames that are already going. The fact that I address my advice to the naysayers is only a coincidence. –Lee

Jonathan says:


in order to support you: sceptics may also read the last sentence of my entry from July 30th, 2011 at 5:30 pm.
Plus, they should know that I am 5’9 , bald and wearing glasses.
And no, I didn’t attend any courses in PUA school and have no intention to ever do so. I have kind of a researchers mindset and I am slowly and steadily working my way out of a deep hole , all on my own. I want to find out what works best for me ; I don’t want to submit myself to the system of any “guru”.

Lee says:

@Jonathan Too bad you are so far away. Would love to sarge with you. –Lee

Athirson says:

Not only do women equate mature men with higher status, but in modern society mature men possess more wealth. And, it ought to be beyond question that, all other things being equal, the more well-heeled a man is, the more women he pulls.

Paul says:

I have always thought that money mattered and you make much sense. PUA’s will tell you “no and looks do not either.” As the Brits would say “Poppycock!” And yes mature men do tend to have more money, or at least did until this economic fiasco of late. So of course it matters.

Money may not be the grand end all be all but it certainly plays a significant role and if women are programmed to be with a protector, then we can look at money as a protector of the modern age.

Jonathan says:

@Athirson and @Paul

if you both are eager to become providers , daddy or sugar-daddy that is, then I agree wealth should be quite helpful.
However, many of just want to have fun and play with hot young women, and for those of us I’d say that wealth doesn’t make an attractive, sexy
ladies man of anyone. To the contrary, it is pretty pointless. If you want to make out with girls, have sex , they couldn’t care less how rich or poor you are. Why should they?! It is how much fun they can have wit you, what really counts.

Paul says:

Jonathon I do agree with you about the provider thing and you agree with me to a degree as well.

As far as women wanting fun, sure they do but with younger good looking men. There are older men they do like,but again they tend to be good looking taller types. Lets face it, game does not work, nor does any of these seduction tactics. I have never seen them work and I can tell you that if they do, its because they guy is younger, taller or has some kind of value like status or money.

An attractive younger (or even middle age today) woman can have who she wants. She can pick and choose. It’s her world as far as dating goes. Nothing can change that. They are incharge and we are just fooling ourselves thinking otherwise I am afraid.

Why does not Eric write any articles about guys feeling hopeless in getting dates with attractive women? I think he should.

Lee says:

@Paul We are all liars, Paul. Jonathan is not 58 and balding. KL is not 5’5″. I am not 47. And John Keegan is photoshopped to look small in all those pictures the New York Times took of him. Academic studies of online dating (such as What Makes You Click: An Empirical Analysis of Online Dating) do not show statistically that women care less about looks than men. The study Eric posted does not show that most women want older men. The whole thing is a giant conspiracy theory to get Paul to spend more money on game related products. I love it. –Lee

Jonathan says:


Beware! I have found another scam artist and this one is really going overboard with his bragging *LOL* http://www.bulletproofonpickup.com/50-year-old-bullet-bangs-playmate-from-playboy-mansion-party/

I just happened to find Lance Armstrong quoted there, which describes
the very root of the problem,(from my point of view) why people often fight very hard to stay the same and not change:


I am 55, don’t make me older than I really am ;-)

Jonathan says:

oops, he quote of Lance Armstrong his been killed in transmission…

“Pain is temporary, it may take a minute, or an hour, or a year, but it will eventually subside and something else will take its place. If I quit however it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up stays with me. There is a point in every race when a rider encounters his real opponent and understand that it’s himself”. Great words Lance – because with change comes pain.(Bullet)

Lee says:

@Jonathan 55? That’s nothing, dude. No wonder you pull the twenty something hotties :-) –Lee

Paul says:


I am sorry but I just do not believe any of this. I just do not. I just cannot believe that attractive women would like a guy for his personality or for being funny or just being a fun person. I see way to many women with jerks and chodes that they continue to date and leave the decent guys out in the cold.

Per my scientific research (my life experiences) my hypothesis is that women will go for looks and dominate males (physically) every time. If they do not, its either because the male is better source of protection via wealth or offers the female a way to better herself (say her boss, a superior,ect).

Women are in it to survive so they will reject the older man, the shorter man and any man that is not “acceptable.” Its evolution. Its funny, I was brought up in a religious environment and never really thought much about evolution, but when I joined the community and studied Mystery Method and how much evolution is a part of dating, I became even more cynical. What I took out of those PUA dating programs that its impossible for game to work. It’s against the laws of nature. Women innately want the superior male, and that means physically superior in order to breed better offspring. And ironically PUA taught me that.

Paul says:


I am not saying you are lying. Not at all. I am saying that I find it hard to believe that say a 5’8 balding older man would be successful with attractive to hot women. I truly do. It goes against the laws of nature. Why would a woman want a less than ideal man? I know I am not ideal and they sure do not want me. They want ideal men or what they perceive as ideal. The jerk is perceived as ideal due to his dominate nature and typically many are attractive guys. Women love that stuff. The believe a guy like that will protect her and her offspring. Its an innate evolutionary thing.

So if a guy is say 5’8 and approaches a hot 6ft blonde, he can try all the mystery method or cocky and funny in the world and it will probably not work. Why? Well she will look at him and think, “this little guy thinks he is dominate, but he is not. He is a fraud and so I will tell him to leave or I will leave.”

Happens all the time does it not?

Paul says:

The 6ft blonde will also say to herself “I am a very hot woman, I deserve the best. Why should I put up with this little twerp. I deserve that hot dark haired taller guy over by the bar. Hope he looks over my way and perhaps I will go over and join him. I deserve that type of man for I am hot.”

“why do these less than perfect guys hit on me? I do not want them. My friends would laugh, my parents would laugh and I would be miserable. I would have short children and and it would be a mess. I need a better man that than for I am hot and why settle for less?….”

And that is evolution and dating.

Jonathan says:


they way you are describing female mindsets is a typical male projection. You believe that women typically think like men. And from my point of view this belief is what makes so many men become losers with women.

By the way: I neither do believe in “evolution theory” nor do I believe in bible stuff or whatever. I even don’t care much what “pickup gurus” recommend. I develop hypotheses and then set up experiments and do tests. And after that I analyze my results. Quite soberly. Thats how I make progress, step by step. Of course it helps to be a little bit imaginative.
If I may give you an advice: try to do the same;start questioning your beliefs, especially the ones you adapted from others, “science” or whatever. Use your sceptical mind(you are very good with that!) to your advantage.

Lee says:

Very interesting new age preference analysis results!!! I had previously posted the results of a mini experiment. Responding to Paul’s claim that even older women would prefer younger men, I did a little search using Match.com. I searched for women in their early forties within 10 miles of my zip code. I took the first ten – a random sample – and computed their average age preferences. I regressed these against their ages to show that, contrary to Paul’s beliefs, these women preferred, on average men who are 12% older – about 5 years older. I further hypothesized that younger women would prefer an even bigger age difference. Paul disagreed. So I repeated my experiment for women between the ages of 21 and 25 (inclusive), again using a random sample – the first 30 women returned by a search within 10 miles of my zip code (10003 in NYC). This time, my sample size was 30, which I can show by a technique called a bootstrap is large enough to estimate the true standard deviation. Here are the results: The average age of the women is 23.47. The average age of the men these women prefer to date is 30.95, or a difference of 7.48 years. In other words, I was correct – these women prefer, on average, men who are 32% older, a bigger difference than was preferred by women in their early forties. But the story does not end there. On Match.com, these women are asked to provide a range for the ages of the men they will date. Hence, we have two numbers, a lower bound and an upper bound. The mean of the two is the previously mentioned difference of 7.48 years. If I use just the upper bound, the mean upper bound difference these women are willing to accept is 12.9 years. This number also has a standard deviation. It’s 10.3. This means that 19% of women of this age will accept men who are more than 1 standard deviation older than the upper bound – in other words, men who are 12.9 + 10.3 = 23 years older than themselves, or about TWICE their age! I am saying this again in case it is not clear: Among women in their early twenties, about one in five is willing to date men twice her age! Dudes, there is now no denying this effect. I will put money on this with anyone who wants to challenge me by doing a random sample from any major dating site and measuring the age difference preference. I also looked to see if there is a different preference among the more attractive women and, as far as I can tell, it is the same as the preferences of the group as a whole. Anyone who wants to see the actual profile names of the women who came up randomly in my search is welcome to see the list. You can verify for yourselves that these women come up in the first few pages of the search as explained above (though a slightly different set will come up each time you do the search). –Lee

Crone says:

These stats on what women prefer or will accept as age differences in dates or mates are not any better than the raw data (stated preferences on match sites). The age ranges women give only reflect in part what they want. The ranges also reflect what is considered socially acceptable (it is considered “good” in most places for a young woman to date a man about 7 years older than herself) and what they think they can get (older women expressing reduced ranges).

A younger woman may want to be with an older man for various reasons but that doesn’t mean she feels sexual desire for the guy. And even if a 20-year-old woman might feel actual desire for a 45-year-old, when she’s 40 and he’s 65 she is likely to find him boring and repulsive. So think twice.

Eric Disco says:

OK Cupid does an age analysis of men and women’s messaging habits. The finding:

“Women have more pursuers than men until age 26, but thereafter a man can expect many more potential dates than a woman of the same age. At the graph’s outer edge, at age 48, men are nearly twice as sought-after as women.”


Lee says:

Here is my age preference data set in graphical form. The red line is the max of the age range preferences. The green line is the mid of the age range preferences. And the blue line is the min of the age range preferences. All 30 of my test subjects are shown:



YoungFemme says:

Guys, you have no idea how much I thank you for this information! I didn’t understand why I was so attracted to older men. I feel like the blinders have come off. I finally understand!
Also, learning your wise, older-man tricks made me giggle. I tend to be cautious of older men because they know how to achieve desired responses, but honestly, even if I do know their tricks, if they are good tricks I will still fall for them.
Charisma, a few gray hairs, strength (a form of power, of course), and a lot of knowledge and wisdom make me weak in the knees.
Seeing as how I’m 20, I’m not much into 40+ year olds … yet. Haha, but I see how that could easily change.
Thank you for the honesty and insight.
Keep the information coming!

Syzygy says:

Okay, so women want older men. I get it. But an age difference of 7 years on average is not that great. A 55 year old man that pursues a girl in her early 20s always comes off as creepy. What could a man probably want from such a young girl? Clearly not an equal life partner or a mother for his future children. Men may not suffer from menopause, but the quality of their sperm still diminishes and the chance to father disabled children increases greatly even at the age of 30+. In their early 20s girls want to be courted by men their ages or slightly (!) older men. They want to go to the discos and bars, get drunk, complete their education, but average young girls don´t want to be babied by an old (which means 35+) man. “Women” do not like (much!) older men. Some do, but not the average. An average 55 years old geezer has to be content with a woman in her late fourties, if he is not incredibly rich or a celebrity. Looks may not be as important to women, but not unimportant either – and, let´s face it, most men in the age of 45+ are not that attractive anymore.

Lee says:

@Syzygy You are right, a seven year difference is not shocking but, for women in their early 20s, a 7 year difference is only the average. Their stated upper bound is 12 years. But that upper bound also has a lot of variation, which means that some women will accept men that are even older. Something like one in 5 women of that age will accept a man older than 40. Again, this is not the average, but it’s a significant fraction. You are also right that most men will not want that kind of difference. This is good news for the men who do. –Lee

JonathanA says:


“An average 55 years old geezer has to be content with a woman in her late fourties, if he is not incredibly rich or a celebrity. Looks may not be as important to women, but not unimportant either ”

sorry, thats complete bullshit! I don’t care about statistics (sorry, @Lee)
my personal reality is totally different. Young and beautiful girls feel attracted to me all the time. I don’t care about relationships however, these may turn boring fast. It’s just sex. Older women are for the talking and may make for good friends. Why should I restrict myself as long as it works for me??? In general, it is obvious for me that men maintain deeply rooted limiting beliefs about how the male-female relationship is/or has to be structured in our society. And guess what; it works perfectly as this thread shows once more. Almost everybody has locked himself into a small cage and now claims: “This is reality!”
You are right, it is reality, because you believe it is. Referring to science is pretty much useless. Why? Because what scientists actually do is research and measure the results of prevailing belief structures. They don’t care about the far out edges of the bell curve. Nobody pays them to do that. What’s even worse is, that they as well confuse beliefs (which always can be changed) with reality.

Lee says:

@JonathanA We almost always agree, and we certainly agree on the basic premise that younger women can and do often want older (and sometimes much older) men. However, I take exception to your comment about science here. Scientists are very interested in the tails of the bell curve. It’s where all of the most interesting behavior occurs, whether in sports, in social science, in longevity, and in virtually every other field of study. Mindset may be the dominant factor, but it doesn’t mean we can’t say something about behavior as a whole. In this case, data obtained by studying behavior as a whole support the idea that young women are very flexible with respect to the age of their romantic partners. –Lee

MrAntiquity says:

@Jonathan and Lee–

I’d qualify that–GOOD scientists are concerned about the tails of the bell curve–although most of academia is pretty stodgy :)

I think that Jonathan has a good point about many studies reinforcing traditional belief structures because entire research projects are themselves constrained by those theoretical frameworks–it takes some real creativity to break out of it–and I’d argue that most academics aren’t that creative (I’m actually presenting a paper on that subject in a couple of days–different field, though!

But the way to play the dating game is definitely on the margins as both of you suggest–that’s the only way to realize that personal realities don’t have to reflect the prevailing social models.

JonathanA says:


I have no doubts that you as a scientist know well how to place yourself at the very right end of the Gauss curve, absolutely, and you deserve my full respect.

YoungFemme says:


When you say:
“You are right, a seven year difference is not shocking but, for women in their early 20s, a 7 year difference is only the average. Their stated upper bound is 12 years. But that upper bound also has a lot of variation, which means that some women will accept men that are even older. Something like one in 5 women of that age will accept a man older than 40. Again, this is not the average, but it’s a significant fraction. You are also right that most men will not want that kind of difference. This is good news for the men who do.”

Do you mean for relationships or strictly sexual?

I would theorize the statistics of women in their early twenties accepting older men for strictly sexual purposes to be greatly higher than if they were hoping for a serious relationship. I would easily believe the 1 in 5 ratio sexually, but when it comes to finding a long-term partner, I find it highly unlikely.

Lee says:

@YoungFemme Those stats I don’t have, but I’d be surprised if you were right. For pure sex, it’s the younger, more physically fit, more traditionally handsome man who I assume would be more attractive. The older man is more interesting, more accomplished, more stable, and more concerned with starting a family. This view is also supported by the cross-cultural variation in marriage age differences. For example, in South America, where birth rates are higher and family life has a more prominent role, the age difference between men and women tends to be even greater than it is here – in some cases, significantly greater. I think you have it backwards. Young women choose older men for marriage and younger men for sex. –Lee

Anonomous says:

I am 14 years old as of 2011, and I will be 15 in early 2012, and I am so attracted to older men, even men older than my dad and he’s 53 will be 54 in 2012, there’s men the same age as my dad and mum that I like, men older than my mum, and men younger than both of my parents that I have crushes on, but all the men I am really attracted to are 18 or older.

Borisa says:

of course you are attracted to men 18+ and the reason is that boys your age (around 15) and not men yet. they are just boys still maturing and slowly becoming men. when I was your age I was also attracted to older guys than those at my age.

Borisa says:

I am 24 (female) and I am attracted to a 50 years old man and the reason is just everything mentioned in the article. he is not handsome at the first sight and if I met him on the street I would not look at him. but when we talk I feel there is a strong charisma coming out of him, we are colleagues and he knows so much about his work and the whole thing that I cant help it but adore him. he has this british sense of humor, not really hillarious but funny anyway (if you get his point) and is very kind to everyone, not necessarily showing off his higher position and power in the company. he seems to notice my affection and what I absolutely adore about him is how he is dealing with my feelings (his daughter is older than me!), he lets me enjoy it and have fun with it and never lets me down. he even seems to enjoy attraction of a much younger woman. any other man younger than him (mean around or up to 30) would imemdiately laugh at me, tell about it to everyone and would give me hard times about my feelings. even though this particular man is not interested in me as a woman he is still polite and simply a gentleman.
and yes, young women are attracted to older men because they are already mature enough and know how to handle a woman in any state/mood…

Lori says:

I don´t think that older men are more mature and know how to handle a woman. At least not the ones that are only attracted to young girls. Believe me. They often are the most persistent, creepy men. They think you owe them attention because of their money, life experience, et cetera, and they won´t leave you alone if your ignore their desperate approaches, because they think you are playing “hard to get”. Because of the media people think it´s *common* for 50+ guys to be in a relationship with more than 20 years younger women, and while that may be true for Hollywood and the “high society” (at least the celebrities) it´s not standard for “ordinary mortals”. Some or even many old men still wish to be with younger girls, but *most* younger girls and women (such as me for example^^) could live without being hit on by old men.

Borisa says:

yes, Lori, you are probably right. many older men hang out with much younger women just to entertain their lives and maybe have some fun (they cant have with their “old” wives). anyway, I only have this one experience with older man (not even an experience, just a crush maybe) and whenever I think about it I can clearly imagine life with him. on the other hand I cant really imagine having a boyfriend/husband at my age (at the moment). guys up to 30 seem strange to me, with all my modesty I have to say they have nothing to offer to me (and I am not a model or anything special), I just know my values and also values I am searching for in a man and I have never found any of them in a guy around my age. thats probably the main reason I am attracted to a man at my fathers age. but maybe it is just this particulat man… he had a chance to go out with me and have some fun and who knows how it would end ( he only had to wink at me and I would do anything for him and he knew it) but he denied the invitation. at first I was completely damaged but then I understood he still has his wife and has no reason to “cheat ” on her and I admire his decision.
i pretty much understand my 22 years old friend who married 40 years old man because she loved him and had similar problem as I do, but they are getting divorced after 4 years of marriage because he could not get used to his younger wife and could not keep the track with her… and that, I would say, is pretty sad.

Dann says:

I’m a single 37yr old man working security in a shopping mall, in my job I have made many new friends with most of the shop owners n staff it just happens most of them are women of various ages (16-60), because yes I am single I am also open to the possibility of finding “my girl” so Im kinda in tune with the many n various different signs, messages n body language (movements n postures etc) that show possible sings of interest or attraction and I have to confess I find women 40+ (or older than me) see me as “nice guy but too young”, about 60% of women 30-40 see me as “nice guy to have as a great friend” (the other 40% just dont know me yet haha) and about 25% of the younger women 18-30 seem to eye me off n check me out (Ive seen them watching me from the corner of their eye n listening in on my conversations with collegues n customers/friends when Im near their store) some of them are more brasen n give me sweet smiles n cute little waves sometimes followed with an angelic “Hi Dann”..
Ive recently asked out a 29yr old woman, a blue eyed brunette, that occasionally works in a store at the mall, she said yes.. I happened to let this slip with my work mates in about 3 days almost everyone knew (was not happy), one of the male store ownes called out to me “HEY THERE LOVERBOY..” I was shocked n slightly angered I replied “NAH MATE..” shaking my head “She’s not my girl, I’ve only asked her out to lunch it mightn’t go anywhere yet..”, I think this is maybe why it didnt work out, word got out n it ruined everything.. Anyway about 1 week after I discovered it wasnt goin to work one of the young girls (a 19yr old, blue eyed brunette lol) from **** bar asked me ”Did you ask out the tall brunette from **** hut” I said ”Yes I did, she said yes but it didnt work out” she blushed alittle n smiled said ”Oh ok, well maybe you’ll have better luck next time..” kinda flashed her eyelashes gave me alittle wave n said ”I’ve got to go I’ll see you when Im back at work” as she walked away with her friend she glanced over her shoulder at me n smiled when I noticed her..
Now can you tell me whats goin on here (if anything) and what should I do ?? I do like this girl, and it has absolutely nothing to do with sex or how sexy and beautiful she is, shes friendly, open minded, smart, kind, honest (as far as I can tell so far lol) she’s demure n oh so sweet but Im holding off asking her out because of her age I am not a dirty old man or a sexual predator Im not a creep or a stalker and Im not a weirdo that just couldnt get a girl, I chose to be single because the women I wanted when I was 20ish always seemed to want older men, I just couldnt compete rarely Id get the girl but she was never the one I really wanted. Now Im the older man I seem to get untold amounts of female attentions all from ”beautiful younger women”…

DA MAN says:

Ago all the BS in the media about cougars and older men being creeps worthy of death by shaming is not as common as they make it out to be? Then why do they say these things? HereI am feeling trapped into dating used up hags my own age when I could have been dating a hot younger chick? What possible interest does the fag run media have in the age differences old hetero couples and why the obsession to take
older men out of the dating scene?

Lori says:

A cobbler should stick to his last ;)

DA MAN says:

Why do they make it seem as if old cougar dykes are every mans dream and that older men should just build there own coffin and have their hag old a wife bury them in it and then dance on their grave along with their younger new lover?

leeloo says:

Because old men are apparently only interested in young girls and leave their “old hag wives” they have been married to for 30 years for a fling with 25 years old bimbo.
As you see, youth is not only attractive to men but to women as well.

Cathy says:

LOL as a girl around 25, I have to tell you we are not equally attracted to 25 yo men and 40 yo men. None of the girls I know would ever date a guy that old. I’m sorry if this hurts someone’s feelings, but these guys you know are really deluding themselves.

Lee says:


I would love to meet with your 25 year old friends to discuss this subject… as a purely academic exercise, of course. As I am much older, I am sure you’ll agree that there’s little danger of any of your friends becoming attracted to me :-)


older1 says:

“these guys you know are really deluding themselves”

No we are not as my experience says different story.

In last 10 years I did not have a girlfriend older than 25 ( must be none of your friends )
We had great times, yes we broke up but we are still friends.
Try to stay a friend with one of 25 when you brake up with him.

IMPOSSIBLE isn’t it?

MrAntiquity says:

Cathy–I’m not 40–however you’re a bit deluded. If two people like each other, the ‘rules’ people set for themselves go out the window. Most of the 25 year olds that go out with guys who are good with women tell themselves the same thing (I’d never date a guy over x).

Same with looks, height, weight, etc. The short guys who are good at this have no trouble dating the girls who say ‘I’ll only date a guy over 6’1′. The academics on here have no trouble with the girls who only go for jocks. It’s because they know how to connect with women–and most guys suck at it.

The point is that attraction overrides social convention.

Also–what does ’40′ mean? If you’re talking about a sleazy pathetic 40 year old who spends his live following 18 year olds around, then yeah—that guys’ pathetic. If you’re talking about a youthful 40 year old who sees life like a 32 year old–he’s much more accessible to a younger girl.

So your ‘rules’ are nutty. You just haven’t met any quality 40 somethings yet :)

Cathy says:

I was responding to this:

“But in person, a 25-year-old woman is just as likely to respond to a 40-year-old man as she is to a 25-year-old man.”

Sure there are exceptions but I’m only being honest when I say that the 25 year-old woman is MUCH more likely to respond to the 25 year-old man. The author’s statement is simply incorrect, sorry.

Kelly says:

I agree. For any one to state that a 25 year old woman will respond as favorably to a a 40 year old woman has a couple of marbles lose. Of course if that dude is celebrity or something, then it could happen. But overall, that is a pipedream until otherwise proven.

Kelly says:

oops I meant a 25 year old woman will respond as favorably to a a 40 year old man. Thats funny.

TAllagash says:

women have a maximal time frame with which to capitalize in the dating arena. after that, each year, each day, is a gradual slide into obsolescence.

sad but true, in attraction, women are the sprinters, and men are the marathoners.

Ben says:

Most women don’t want to hear this, but what you stated is absolutely the truth.

Daniel says:

Kelly and Cathy, I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings but you are both idiots who care too much about what other people think about you. In the 6 months, I’ve dated a 21 year old respiratory tech student, a 21 year old college student, a 25 year old desk jockey and a 27 year old nurse. I’m pretty picky about dating attractive women. I’m not including the 23 year old I recently banged at a wedding :) . I’m 37.

I’m not saying this to brag (well, maybe a little bit). I’m saying this to send a message to all those guys out there reading Kelly and Cathy’s remarks and taking them to heart. Don’t listen!!! Look, I been rejected and flaked on too many times to count. Sometimes for being too old, sometimes for being brown, sometimes for not being good looking, sometimes for being an asshole. I get rejected for way more other reasons than being older. I MUST say that I’m physically fit, overeducated and have a pretty awesome job. But these are all things that I have had control over. I make 25 year old guys look like children because of my accomplishments and confidence (don’t worry 25 year old guys, you’ll get there as long as you work on yourselves).

At 18-32, I could not get laid or get a girlfriend to save my life. I was extremely depressed about this…but hard work and sites like Eric’s helped tremendously to get me where I am (I’d love to get training but going to New York repeatedly is too hard for me). Learning to meet women in public has been one of the harder things I have undertaken (and I have a medical degree). Btw, for the haters, being a doctor has really not helped me that much. I do believe that one needs accomplishments, passion and a fit body to meet women when you are older. BUT I could have been Dr. Brad Pitt from 26-32 and still not get laid (I had a 6 year dry spell during and after school, haha). I was that hopeless.

I’m looking back over this and it seems kinda boastful. But really I hope there are guys out there who are like the younger me who will read this and ignore what Cathy and Kelly are saying. I thought like that waaaay too much in my 20′s and early 30′s. It is really the only regret I have. I have absolutely NO regrets about putting the time in, approaching and improving myself. To tell you the truth, I had no other options…I needed to handle this.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to text a cute 25 year old blogger I met last week and try to get her out. By the way, Cathy and Kelly, if you are over 30 and not cute, I probably would not approach you, let alone date you. Just saying.


Daniel says:

@Cathy. Oops, you are 25! Missed that. I would date you…if you are cute. And not a bitch.

Ariel says:

Hey Daniel,
This is inspiring to read. I am 34 and having lots of problems getting a girlfriend or getting laid. But I am getting good reactions and sometimes numbers and dates from beautiful young girls, sometimes 20 years old, much more than when I was younger. I also feel I am kind of forced into mastering cold approach by life circumstances, that give me loneliness and frustration. So again, it’s encouraging to read what you wrote.

borisa says:

@ Daniel,

right, I am a woman (25) and think the age does not matter at all. depends on what the two are able to give to each other and if they feel fine about it. even a woman at my age can be educated and mature enough to be with an older man. being 25 does not mean I have only recently passed my teens and still behave like one.
so yes, I totally agree with you.

Hugo says:

Well… I came here to read this article because i am trying to understanding from a physiological or biological point of view why it is that I am attracted to younger woman. I know some people are going to call me creepy. So, past all the ad Hominem attacks, I’ll share some facts with you. From age twenty to forty, I was always attracted to older women. In fact when I was 38 I lived with a beautiful woman 11 years older. Whom was a model and a fitness fanatic. Now I am little confused. I have few females friends. Some of them are well aware that I have romantic intentions for us. Some don’t know it. And others, I just don’t know what’s going on. They are friends, they come to my house for tea and movies we cuddle. We got out to concerts and theater and other events. What confuses me is that I am very happy with all my friends and with this semi romantic connections. However neither of all this friends is over forty years old. I am fifty five. I don’t want to keep any woman from her potential man of her own age. Nor i want to let go of a potential partner that finds happiness with me. I am not rushing to anything, so for now whatever is going on is fine with me.

MrAntiquity says:

Hugo–there’s nothing creepy about being 55 and being interested in women under 40. I’d call that….completely normal.

If you were 55 and say interested in, say, teenagers, that would be a bit of an issue.

truth says:

Women do not like older men. Woman like men with status. If you have two men with same status, but one is 20 and other 50, 20 year old will always be more atractive.

Lee says:

Really? Do you think that twenty five year olds find Justin Bieber more attractive than Daniel Craig? Robert Pattison more attractive than Brad Pitt? At the very least, you must admit that that question is far from easy to answer.


Fight the Power says:

“Women do not like older men. Woman like men with status. If you have two men with same status, but one is 20 and other 50, 20 year old will always be more atractive.”

Really? Are you sure you’re not just thinking of a 20 year old who looks like Christiano Ronaldo? What if it’s an average 20 year old who isn’t super gorgeous? Why would he be more attractive than an older guy? Actually, I’m pretty convinced that unless a woman is under 25, she will probably choose the older guy just because mature women usually don’t like guys that young. Even in terms of looks, lots of women say that guys get much better looking when they get to their mid 20s. The Justin Bieber types mostly just appeal to girls under 17, and that’s actually because they have lower female hormone levels, so they prefer less masculine faces.

Now if we were to compare a 30 year old and a 50 year old with the same status, still it would depend on lots of things other than age. I’m a 24 year old guy and I would choose Halle Berry over Megan Fox any day. That’s because I prefer Halle Berry’s looks. Women have preferences too you know. And women are actually less drawn to youthful features than men are.

dave says:

Mr. Hugo – Very encouraging! Have you ever figured out how you were able to make so many female friends? You seem to have found a very happy balance with this.

Pradeep says:

More than anything, women respond to confidence. Eric, Lee and most others on this site have hammered on this point countless times and its true.
Every time I do an approach, and there is even the slightest hesitation or approval seeking in the way I come across, the interaction goes down the drain very very quickly.
on the other hand, a non-thinking approach , because there’s no hesitation, tends to work out better than expected.
Older men in general , because of their life experiences, tend to have more innate confidence in general.

Iza says:

Here is the article that every women should read before getting involved seriously with much older men. As he might be still atractive at his 40 ties, for 20 years old (if he takes care of him, and this is not very often) But with upcoming years he is not going to get better, as men get older too. Even if they dont want to accept it.


And yes, the most women are not attracted to much older men. if all of men had the same recources, young women would certainely pick young men over much older. All women find young men much more attractive physically, yes we are not blind. But women do not delude themselves that they can win over younger, if they are looking for longterm relationship. That is why they do not chase younger men.

Astor says:

Just so you know, that’s partially wrong. Men do become infertile and even unable to get hard for that matter. Also, the older the man is, the more likely any children he has at an old age will have mental and/or physical deformities, but that’s if he is able to still. Men are best for reproduction -prime- is at age 18…for women, around 30.

The rest, I believe you hit right on the nail. I find older men more attractive. I love maturity and dominance. They know what they want and go for it. I like a man who knows what he wants, is ambitious, intellectual, and mature.

To the OP of this article, do you mind not saying “why WOMEN are attracted to older men” and say “why S O M E women are attracted to older men” , because I am most assuredly N O T attracted to older males and I will not date them. There’s nothing wrong with maturity, ect, but I don’t have to become romantically/sexually involved with someone to enjoy a mature conversation. I can just have older friends and get that.


Inane Rambler says:

“To the OP of this article, do you mind not saying “why WOMEN are attracted to older men” and say “why S O M E women are attracted to older men” , because I am most assuredly N O T attracted to older males and I will not date them. There’s nothing wrong with maturity, ect, but I don’t have to become romantically/sexually involved with someone to enjoy a mature conversation. I can just have older friends and get that.


I smell troll ^

Bubbles says:

There’s this guy at work who is around 60. I can tell you that almost every-if not every-young girl, 18 up, would go out with him, rather than with any of the many young guys here. He is definitely the exception. He just walks in any nightlife area, at bus stops, and other places and these gorgeous young girls are all trying to attract him. To me it is quite weird. Never seen anything like it. He is also fat.

Jimbo says:

I am 34 years old, and I am currently dating a 22 year old girl. There is an obvious difference in social aspirations and just a general difference in various life views and expectations, but we have incredible chemistry and sex, and we enjoy each other. I don’t really have long term expectations, I respect her, we have great times, but I know that we are in different places. But I have to say that it feels pretty damn good…

Ray says:

I am perplexed. hmmm, I’m 53 years old, I’m on this dating site and all I
I’m getting are women 30 to 37 and one that is 47 years old…WTF? Somethings not right here is society that f***ed up?
it’s kinda cool but geeze…I’m looking for women not under 49 years of age
not a single hit so far… This is Bizarre, I’m tempted but I feel like Chester the molester…I don’t have any daughters if you know what I’m trying to say here, but if i did it would be like dating one of their friends… I’m sure they have no clue,,, I remember an 18 year old woman was hitting on me when i was about 35 to get me to take her to my place, I just couldn’t do it
all I could think about was Chuckie Cheese for a first date..Just like I’m thinking now..