This post is from Robbie Kramer of Inner Confidence.

Random question… do you think gamers are typically good with women?

If meeting women was like playing a video game, most guys would be awesome at it!

This is obviously not the case, but in this article I’m going to show you how can create your own “Game” to become awesome with women.

It may not look exactly like a video game and you have to play in real life but it can be just as fun if you are creative.

Just to give you a mind boggling statistic, a child spends 10,080 hours sitting in a classroom from grade five through 12. You know what else kids spend 10,000 hours doing between grades five and 12?

Gaming!

What would incentivise a teenager to spend more time gaming then socializing?

Positive Feedback.

Video games are fun and incredibly addicting. They challenge you to solve specific problems and reward you constantly to keep going.

You get gold stars, higher character rankings, and treasures. You get to unlock new secret levels and upgrade your weapons.

You get to see how good you are in relation to the other players and view real time statistics to track your progress.

Basically, whenever you do something good you get rewarded.

And whenever you screw up?

No big deal, you just reset the game and do it over!

The abundance of positive feedback and the scarcity of negative feedback is the reason why a lot of people prefer video games to real life.

Video games make us feel good and that is why we play and we continue to play because it’s fun and we succeed more often then we fail.

The bottom line is that it’s REALLY HARD to become proficient in a skill that you fail at the majority of the time.

And meeting women is definitely something you fail at more than you succeed.

When most guys approach a woman and it doesn’t go well, they are engulfed with negative feedback. It doesn’t take many tries to say “Forget this, I quit!”

It doesn’t matter how good you are, you are gonna get rejected a lot!

But if you can find a way to succeed more often then you fail, you will undoubtedly reach a point where you know that you will never worry about being alone again… and that is a HUGE worry for most guys.

I don’t know any video games that can teach you to be good with women.

But you can make the process simple by creating your own series of action steps that will allow you to have fun and succeed more often then you fail.

1) Figure Out What Success Looks Like: You will never be successful with women until you think you are successful with women.

Confused?

In other words, it doesn’t matter how many girls you bring home, how many dates you get, how many phone numbers you collect, etc…

Most people would say that Charlie Sheen is pretty successful with women, but some would disagree and say, “If he was really successful he wouldn’t be constantly chasing tail.”

If your goal is to become the best Pickup Artist in the world and you want to measure that by trying to sleep with more women then Wilt Chamberlain, then that is success.

If your goal is to find an awesome woman, marry her and have kids, then that is success.

Success can only be defined by you.

It’s funny because so many guys will tell me that they want to meet an awesome girl and settle down. Then they will complain that they aren’t as good as their friend because he gets more numbers then him.

Do you see the problem with that thinking?

If you really want to settle down, success doesn’t have to come by getting a lot of phone numbers.

Success can come from pinpointing exactly what type of woman you want, going to places where she would most likely hang out and meeting her.

You might only need 1 phone number!

2) Set Goals That Are Fun, Easy To Achieve and That Align With Your Definition of Success: If you are having fun you will continue to improve. If you stop having fun, you will quit.

If your goal is to approach 5 women but that doesn’t sound like fun to you, you’ll struggle at best and quit at worst.

The biggest booby trap to watch out for is bad dating advice. If you take action that doesn’t feel right to you will most likely fail.

Not only will you fail but you’ll beat yourself up for doing it when you should really be congratulating yourself for being courageous!

Guys don’t realize just how important this concept is.

If you were training for a marathon, would you just go out and try to run 26 miles?

I’d be gassed by mile 2 and think, “26 miles is impossible, I can’t even run 2. Thinking I could do this marathon was a bad idea, I’m over it!”

What if you had a very specific action plan that was designed to keep you positive and having fun? Do you think it would make a difference?

I can tell you from experience, it makes all the difference in the world! Here is my criteria for goal setting:

Example: I will go out and give a compliment to 5 people by noon tomorrow.

SMART Goal Setting:

• Specific – Did you do it? Yes or No.
• Measurable – A number has to be involved.
• Attainable – You can do it with zero assistance from others. Notice that if you change the above goal to: I will go out and give a compliment to 5 people by noon tomorrow and get 3 good reactions… it is no longer attainable because you cannot absolutely control whether or not people have good reactions.
• Relevant – Is it relevant or aligned with the success you eventually want?
• Time Bound – Is there a deadline?

3.  Have A Team & Give Yourself Time: If you have these four components of a great team in place, you can ensure that you’ll continue to take action:

Mentor/Coach – Someone who can give you specific and customized action steps to help you reach your goals.

If you decide to work with a mentor, only pick one!

A huge mistake I see people make is to listen to multiple mentors at the same time.  This will only confuse you and make you second-guess which action steps to take because you won’t know who to listen to.

My best advice on goal setting is to find a mentor or coach who not only has what you want in the specific area you are working on but also is most similar to you in regards to personality, morals, and communication style.

If you find someone who once stood in your shoes and now stands in the shoes you want to be standing in, you can basically copy everything he did rather then reinventing the wheel.

There are a lot of coaches with really good advice but that advice is only good if it’s a perfect match for you.

Critical Eye – Someone who can give you brutally honest feedback and an objective perspective.

It’s ok to have multiple critical eyes if you trust them.  People are always willing to criticize but that doesn’t mean you should listen!

A good critical eye can provide feedback to adjust and refine the action you are taking to maximize growth.

Cheering Squad – A group of people who have your back and will cheer you on, no matter what.

It’s so important to have positive reinforcement, especially when you are pushing your comfort zone.

Nothing can keep you in action better then a group of people cheering you on because they give you a reason to keep going.

Accountability Team – A group to hold you accountable to your word.

If you tell yourself, “I’m gonna talk to three women today,” it’s way too easy to break that promise.

But if you tell a group of your friends: “I’m gonna talk to three women today and I want you to call me tomorrow and ask me about it,” that is a promise you’re probably going to keep.

Accountability is the glue that holds everything together.

If you have a team in place it will take 90 days at the absolute minimum to see a dramatic improvement.  It takes our brain about 30 days to break a habit and between 30 and 90 days to ingrain new ones.

You can see improvement in the short run but if you stop before it becomes part of you, you run a major risk of slipping right back into your old behaviors.

You know you are ready to push yourself more when your current goals become boring.  If they don’t feel at least a little bit intimidating, you are being lazy.

Conversely, if your goals are too lofty, you will experience too much anxiety.  Over training is just as bad as under training.

Finding the sweet spot where it is a little scary but still fun is the key.

If you are having fun you’ll keep going.

That means you’ll beat your friends at World of Warcraft AND you’ll have amazing women in your life!

Cheers,
Robbie Kramer

This article was simultaneously posted on InnerConfidence.com