Use Any Means Available to Meet Women

by Eric Disco
May 16

What methods do you use to meet women other than approaching?

Gaining the ability to walk up to a woman you don’t know and start a conversation is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

There’s nothing like being able to walk up to a woman anytime, anywhere and talk to her.

Knowing when you see an amazingly cute woman, that you are empowered to speak with her rather than confined to your own isolated social space, like a prisoner locked in a cage.

Even aside from actually meeting and dating women, going through the process of learning how to do become socially confident will, in the end, make you feel better than anything else you could possibly do.

The thing is, every guy I know who’s able to walk up and talk to women also uses every means available to him to meet women.

While not their primary method of meeting women, they all take advantage of these other avenues of “income.”

Let’s look at some of these and the pros and cons of some of these.

Internet Dating

This is probably the biggest one.

Pros. Internet dating can be a great way to become really good at first dates. You can get a lot of practice going on dates. Once you have things set up, like your profile and a good first message, you can get a steady trickle of dates without doing too much work at all. It supplements real-world initiatives with women in a very nice way.

Cons. Holy god, the frustration. Unlike meeting women in real life, it’s difficult to get feedback on what works and what doesn’t work. A girl will simply not write back and you don’t know why. In person, at least you can see her reaction.

You can also waste a lot of time and energy on this. It gets addictive. You keep updating your profile and tweaking your introductory message. It can also dampen your will to take initiative with women in the real world because you feel like you have interest from women online.

You can also waste a lot of time going on dates, only to meet women you aren’t into. At least if you see the person when you initiate with them, you know you’re attracted to them.

Real-World Tip. My biggest tip is in creating your profile and first message. You want to make it seem like you are judging people instead of trying to win over their approval. You can do this by stating what you want and what you don’t want in a woman all over your profile instead of just in the section usually called “What I’m looking for.” This shows that you’re choosy. Likewise, when sending initial messages to women, you want to make it seem like you are unsure of her due to all the past “weirdos” you’ve met online. If you can do this jokingly, that’s even better.

Speed Dating

This is a fun one.

Pros. This is a great way to test out your initial first impressions with women. It’s a really fun way to meet a lot of women at once. In many ways it’s more time-efficient than internet dating because you don’t have to set up profiles or try so hard to get women to meet you in person. You automatically know if you’re attracted to them because you meet them, however briefly. And all of the skills you’ve been using in learning how to walk up to women and talk to them apply here. It also gets you to interact with women you might normally not approach, expanding your taste in women.

Cons. Often, there won’t be enough attractive women at these events. You spend three hours and anywhere from 80-100% of the women are not very cute or not your type at all. You may even go to an event where there aren’t any women you’re into. That can drain a lot of energy.

Real-World Tip: If there’s time, I like to talk about the event itself and say, “So have you met any hot guys here so … besides me?” Also, try to avoid sitting across from her. If you’re at a bar or lounge and you can comfortably and casually sit next to her instead of across from her, do that instead, even if no other guy is doing that.

Social Circle

Meeting women through friends, at work, and in your building can be prosperous.

Pros. Particularly with friends of friends, you already have some kind of “social proof.” Women tend to open up to you more readily and be friendly to you because they know for a fact that you’re not some random crazy person. You’re safe for them. You can also use the fact that you’re going to see the person again to take your time. You don’t necessarily need to set up a date with the girl the first time you meet her because you are likely to see her again.

Cons. The pros of meeting women through social circle are also the cons. Yes, women will open up to you more readily, but they also might be “nice” to you, giving you false positives. It’s difficult to amp up the sexuality and take huge risks because you don’t want to burn bridges, particularly at work, because there could be repercussions. If you creep a girl out on the street, there are no real-world repercussions other than feeling terrible. But if you creep out a friend of a friend, that could affect your friendships. You don’t want to be known among your friends as the creepy guy who hits on all the girls they bring around or they will stop inviting you out around their attractive female friends.

Real-World Tip: In social circle settings, start with a simple introduction (Hi, my name’s Eric.) and “how do you know ;.” If it’s at work, you can introduce yourself and ask how long they’ve worked there. In your building, you can ask how long they’ve lived there. See if you can leave on a high note after bantering or flirting with her, and then pick up again next time you see them and share something personal about yourself.

Got any other great ways to meet women or suggestions on the ones here? Leave a comment!

-----------------

posted in Miscellaneous

COMMENTS
32 responses
Stephen says:

Excellent advice Eric, I think the con section for internet dating could be longer but that’s just a personal view.

“Joining Societies”

This is one particularly for university students but you can join golf clubs or a toastmasters club. It is good to join a group where you are familiar with the talents and skills because there is a lot to share with other people and a lot in common.

social circle game question—

I’ve never had much trouble acquiring girls as friends, and I often find myself out on ‘dates’ with women from the social circle(s). That part happens naturally enough. But it usually stops there–I stay friends with them. Then I’ll sometimes meet guys–from the same social circle–who are friends with all the women and the circle and sleep with them all, while still managing to stay friends. This has happened to me a LOT–and I’d like to understand what they’re doing that I’m not–any thoughts? I know that escalation is a big part of it…but how do I work that in the social circle?

Axel says:

Join a choir. :)))

you know…I just might do that….

Eric says:

…I’ll sometimes meet guys–from the same social circle–who are friends with all the women and the circle and sleep with them all, while still managing to stay friends. This has happened to me a LOT–and I’d like to understand what they’re doing that I’m not–any thoughts? I know that escalation is a big part of it…but how do I work that in the social circle?

Are you able to initiate interactions with women you don’t know? It’s difficult to improve your skills with women in social circle situations. Social circle is a good place to implement some of the skills you’ve learned when you are able to initiate interactions with women you don’t know. That’s because you have a lot less room to fuck up when you’re in social circles.

There are a few things that you could do differently in social circles, like work the social proof, build things over time, or leverage your friendships into sexual relationships. But essentially, you’re doing the same thing in social circles that you are doing with women you don’t know. You are calibrating. And the best way to learn that calibration is by fucking up with women you don’t know.

What happens when you try to take things beyond friendship?

Eric

Amor says:

I agree, social circle is the best place to meet women by far but what about if you meet a girl through friends that you don’t see that often? You can’t expect to see the girl once a month when you hang out with them (given they are not close friends)

this just happened to me last week. I was at a salsa lounge (I’m a dancer so I have a lot of social proof and I’m friends with every hot girl there) I saw this HB9 with some girl friends I don’t see regularly but when I see them they give me value. I got this HB9 out to dance and showed her some cool moves, used some banter on her, etc., She was having a good time, she offered me her name (without me asking) and asked me for mine, she would smile a lot, and dance with me very close! I played it cool, not showing too much interest, good body language,etc.
When it was time to leave I said bye to everyone and did not ask for her number it would have been too awkward plus this Hotbabe is used to that kind of behavior from every guy she meets!
I didn’t want to lose the momentum so I waited for a week, looked for her on my friend’s Facebook and sent her a message.. Two days no reply yet.. What went wrong ? and how do you fix this now?

I h

Eric Disco says:

I was at a salsa lounge (I’m a dancer so I have a lot of social proof and I’m friends with every hot girl there) I saw this HB9 with some girl friends I don’t see regularly but when I see them they give me value. I got this HB9 out to dance and showed her some cool moves, used some banter on her, etc., She was having a good time, she offered me her name (without me asking) and asked me for mine, she would smile a lot, and dance with me very close! I played it cool, not showing too much interest, good body language,etc.
When it was time to leave I said bye to everyone and did not ask for her number it would have been too awkward plus this Hotbabe is used to that kind of behavior from every guy she meets!
I didn’t want to lose the momentum so I waited for a week, looked for her on my friend’s Facebook and sent her a message.. Two days no reply yet.. What went wrong ? and how do you fix this now?

If there’s a good chance you won’t see her again, then go for the date right then and there. You don’t want to have to get her number or e-mail from your friend and you definitely don’t want to do it through facebook. That just makes it look like you couldn’t do it in person.

Commonalities are not the basis for an emotional connection. But if you can find a commonality, it makes it less awkward when inviting her out. With this girl for example, you could have said that you know of an event coming up and you might need a partner. That’s a good “excuse” to get her number. You can even give a specific time and date so that she can say “no” while saving face.

But look at the long-term game here. How close is your friend to this girl? If they are not very close, then you may never see her again. Feel free to be a little more aggressive. After all, if things go sour, they weren’t that close anyway. If they were close, how long will it be until you see her again, two months? While it seems like a long time, if you made a good impression, you can always pick up where you left off. And if they are close friends, you can even ask your friend about her or even get him to invite her out–although you want to be careful that he doesn’t make you look like you are too wimpy to do it yourself.

Eric

Amor says:

Eric,

I have been in this whole “community” for 6 years now I have read all of Mystery, Savoy (Love systems), DeAngelo, etc., I’ve been reading your articles for 6 months now and there is something that separates you from the pack. Keep it up Eric your posts are amazing you have everything to remain the best.

Cheers,

Eric Disco says:

Thanks for the inspiring words, Amor!

Eric

Thanks, Eric–

In answer to your question, I have a history of really awful things happening when I try to initiate things with women in my social circle–it comes from not really believing that it’s possible for anything to happen, but needing to try anyway, so in nearly all cases I rejected myself first, then tried to initiate. As you can imagine, that method doesn’t work…

My problem is more initiation than anything else—I’m a very social guy, have no problem public speaking, having fun in social contexts…but when it comes to inserting myself in a situation where I’m not sure of a.) what I’m supposed to do or b.) whether or not I have permission do do it I have lots of problems.

That’s why my social circle friendships never go anywhere, and have bad endings. I’ve been trying consistently to get over this i nitiation fear (I practice everyday, but rarely say anything).

Lee says:

I went to a party recently. These people were a friend’s social circle, not my own. I got a lot of interest from all of the single women, a few of whom were really cute. I wasn’t there to pick up, so I did nothing more than flirt a bit, but the whole experience reminded me of some social circle dynamics that I’d like to share.

1) The mysterious stranger has a huge advantage over other single males in the group. All of the other men in the group are well known quantities. As sexual creatures, they have either made their moves and have been rejected or accepted, or they haven’t made their moves, in which case, after some time, they’ve been written off as dickless. In either case, they are far less interesting than the mysterious stranger, especially if that stranger stands out in some way. (I was wearing something pretty visible.) Give me a party in which I know one important person. I will take that any day over a party where I know everyone well and have never escalated.

2) When you first enter a group, women are looking to you to define yourself. If you aren’t flirty from the beginning, it is hard to reverse that dynamic later. What gets built up over time is comfort, not attraction. Attraction occurs right away and can only be lost, not gained. Hence, your best time for making a move is early on. The exception to that rule is if you are successful with someone in the group right away and then, later, decide you want to be with someone else. Your earlier success gives you runway to be effective in that group for some time to come. This exception aside, time is not on your side. Act quickly before you become another dickless group member.

3) Flirt with everyone before focusing on one. At first, you’re much better off making the rounds and checking in with all of the singles than focusing on one. Reveal little about yourself. Leverage the mystery of the stranger. Your flirting is social proof. It will make it easier for you to escalate with the one you choose.

Amor says:

Eric,

I see how other important departments such as attraction, comfort, escalation, etc., are well covered on your articles but such an important topic like “social circle” should not be underestimated and it should be considered the main and most reliable source to meet women and so it should be discussed in more depth.

Thanks!
-Amor

Lee–

That’s fantastic advice..definitely some things to think about and work on!

I know it seems like all the successful relationships that are long term — well they usually met through a social circle connection — one night stands, not so much.

Mark says:

Eric,

Thanks for the great advice. I am looking forward in using your advice when I go to a social event in a few weeks. I will be updating my profile to seem that I am picky.

Thanks,
Mark

All the way says:

From Eric’s post above: “Also, try to avoid sitting across from her. If you’re at a bar or lounge and you can comfortably and casually sit next to her instead of across from her, do that instead, even if no other guy is doing that.” – This point comes up a lot in the community, and I have taken this tip to heart whenever I am talking to a woman in any way (sitting, standing, whatever, I do not like to give them 100% of me by facing them directly).

If you are in a situation where you are sitting across from them, is there a problem with just getting up and telling the woman “I’m gonna grab this chair next to you – this feels like I’m interviewing you and I don’t want to make you all nervous” – or any other excuse?

I’ve listened to a podcast where one of Eric’s friends tells him that his trick is to just mumble something as an excuse to sit next to her so they can hear each other better – but I’d rather just be straight up in a joking way.

so very true says:

women have become so impossible to meet today because of their ROTTEN ATTITUDE, and they are so nasty to talk too. they must have been so very terribly abused by the men that they were with at one time, or their parents abused the HELL out of them. either way, they are so very MESSED UP. dirty rotten, no good BITCHES. how in the world are us men suppose to meet good women, NOWADAYS, since they are like this? i seem to meet all the NASTY ONES myself. and now, so many of them are LESBIANS, as well. makes it a lot harder today.

Alex_B says:

wow…tell us how you really feel. That kind of attitude would definitely bring out the mean and nasty in any woman.

Good luck with that

Mickey says:

@so very true:

You are NOT wrong. Here’s what I’ve seen with attempted approaches:

1) The guy gets laughed at.
2) The guy gets cursed out.
3) The guy gets slapped.
4) At work, a friendly approach gets misconstrued and results in a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Yes, I agree completely that the hostility is not worth the effort.

MrAntiquity says:

@Mickey and @SoVeryTrue

I have never in my entire life, when I’ve approached a girl, been

1. laughed at
2. cursed out
3. slapped

I have also asked out a few girls at work (and dated 3)

4. None of them have ever been uncomfortable with it.

I have been rejected of course–generally nicely–and I have also gone on dates.

OCCASIONALLY I have encountered a rude individual. Very, very rarely.

So I have to assume something’s going on inside both of your heads which is causing these very strange reactions from women.

dave says:

Mickey – I do not know that you have been going through the step by step advice offered by Eric and Lee. You will be a totally different person when you do this, and you will see the whole world in a different light.
You and Mike speak for an awful lot of guys and we hear you, but Eric even showed me that I see life in black and white,(due to my job) and that’s it, and that some of our outlooks HAVE to change… or it will be the same thing on and on.
YOU are not ready for the life I lead, so try to pay attention to what these guys are doing!

Lee says:

@so_very_true

Wow. There is a God. You are getting exactly the women you deserve. The universe is not random.

–Lee

Mickey says:

@Mr. Antiquity:

Why do you automatically assume that there is always some character flaw whenever someone points out that the so-called “fair sex” isn’t always so fair?

Far be it from me to claim perfection; I’m just as f**ked up as anybody. The truth is that there are a lot of women out there who wear their hostility and unapproachability like badges of honor and get theri rocks off cutting guys off at the knees at every turn.

Then later in life they are the same ones who whine about their inability to find a good man. Well, it’s hard to find a good man when all these same women do is push them away with THEIR negativity.

Sometimes, when the only options are to endure the hostility or cut your losses, the sensible thing to do is just get out of Dodge and stop the bleeding.

Sorry, but not every guy who’s experienced failure in approaching & dating is automatically a monk or serial killer. Sometimes, they decide that it just isn’t worth the aggravation.

Cameron says:

Mickey:

You keep projecting all your shortcomings onto others, generalising and arguing with whats not been said.

The truth is that MrAntiquitys right: women are almost invariably polite to men who try and seduce them. Even when they reject me they almost always do it politely.

If you are consistently getting bad reactions from women, then you ARE doing something wrong.

What would really make a difference in the quality of your life is taking a stand for yourself and creating a sense of responsibility and acceptance around your behaviour.

Mickey says:

@ Cameron:

We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

MrAntiquity says:

Because, Mickey–

While there are certainly some bitches in the world–for people to demonstrate the extreme reactions you’re talking about is really pretty odd. Those reactions you’re describing are generally in response to someone who acts extremely sleazy, or in some way that makes the girl extremely uncomfortable (and not uncomfortable in a good–sexual tension oriented way).

If you really ARE getting that kind of response regularly, something IS wrong–and it’s pretty likely that it’s far more on your end than on hers.

The stuff we talk about on these forums actually does work, and work pretty well–for pretty much any guy out there. But you do need a decent level of self-esteem and social awareness for it to be effective.

Lee says:

To follow up on what MrAntiquity said, it is interesting to note the variability of experiences here. An analysis of variance is the term most commonly used in science. I, as the vast majority of men on this site, have had maybe a handful of bad experiences with women in the last five years. That includes thousands of cold approaches. My approaches can be pretty ballsy, but I haven’t been slapped, cursed, or had bouncers or police called on me. I also meet a surprisingly small number of gold diggers, cheaters, and sluts. Most girls who like me want me for a boyfriend. I do pretty well, but girls still frequently offer to pay the check, or in some other way compensate me – for example, cooking an elaborate meal for me. I’m friends with five major ex girlfriends, including my very first girlfriend. Most of them have met each other and get along pretty well. Yet there are men on here who have nothing but horrible, demoralizing experiences with women. Here is where the science comes in. Assuming that the mentioned negative character traits accurately describe the behavior of women, and given my sample size, it would be statistically unfathomable that, in my own experience, I encounter so few women who are like this. In fact, we can attach some numbers to this to get a feel for the possibility that I have been lucky in avoiding bad women. To be extra generous to the naysayers, suppose that one out of five women they encounter is bad and the rest are good. (My case would be stronger if I assume 50%, but as I said, I am being extra generous.) The standard deviation of the binomial distribution is sqrt( n * p * q ), where n is the number of trials, p is the probability of failure (0.2), and q is the probability of success (1.0 – 0.2 = 0.8). So the standard deviation of 1,000 trials where 20% of women are bad and 80% are good is sqrt( 1000 * 0.2 * 0.8 ) = 12.6. With this number in hand we can calculate the probability that I encountered only 10 bad women out of a thousand approaches instead of the expected 200. Guys, we are talking about (200-10)/12.6=15 standard deviations, a virtual impossibility! There are two possible conclusions: 1) We are doing something very different in seeking out which women to approach, or 2) the difference is almost entirely attributable to us – to the differences in how these women react to us. In my case, we’re talking mostly about random s
approaches in public places. So guess what my conclusion is? Mickey and friends, it’s you. That may sound like bad news, but it’s really good news. You can beat this thing!

–Lee

JonathanA says:

“Wow. There is a God. You are getting exactly the women you deserve. The universe is not random. ”

yeah, in India they have a name for that concept. They call it Karma, I guess.

JonathanA says:

Hell! Even the bible says “Live by the sword, die by the sword”

Mike says:

i certainly do have to agree with the other guy that said women are very nasty nowadays, and it is true. i have encountered so many very rude women myself, when trying to start a normal conversation with them. women have certainly changed over the years, and many of them that have a very good high paying job makes them believe that they are all that.

Mickey says:

@Dave:

When did I ever say I wanted to lead the life YOU lead? How did you make that supposedly logical leap?

All I ever said that I’m blessed to do well in other areas of my life without chasing a dating pipe dream.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Jay says:

i am a straight man that certainly has to agree with the other comments made by other guys about women, and many of them today are so very rude to talk too. women have certainly changed over the years, and not for the good. it seems once women’s lib took over, it really messed them up very bad. i have noticed myself that so many women now have a very serious attitude problem, and trying to start a good conversation with them is very impossible too. i can’t even blame myself, since i did not do anything wrong to scare them away. and yet they will go out with the ugliest men, especially the ones that have a lot of money which women do seem to take advantage of them anyway. it is very sad how women have changed over the years, and back then many of them did very much accept the men for who they really were. now i can see why it has become so very difficult for a good man like me that doesn’t play games and really is looking to meet a good woman today, especially one that doesn’t cheat and can be very committed to just one man only.

LEAVE A COMMENT