How to Loudly Proclaim a Lack of Initiative
by 
Eric Disco
It still happens to me about twenty times a day: I’ll go to put my hands in my pockets.
And I have to stop myself.
I’ve got these long, dangling appendages–called arms–coming out of the sides of my torso.
At the end of each of these “arms” are these awkward proturbences called “hands.”
They don’t know whether to be tense or loose. It feels weird to just have them hang there.
I want to stick them in my pockets or loop them around my belt buckles.
But every time I go to do that, I think of a video I saw of two mixed martial arts fighters who stare each other down.
One fighter, because he has his hands looped into his pockets, looks so much less confident than the other fighter. Can you guess which fighter ended up getting his ass kicked?
Even with his hands just looped into his pockets and not shoved all the way in, he’s still expressing that he’s not a threat to anyone.
Your hands in your pockets are the very first step to hiding, making yourself smaller and taking up less space.
The guy who hides is the one who is definitely not the leader. He’s not comfortable expressing himself in front of other people.
If your body inherently speaks a language, then having your hands in your pockets is the equivalent of saying, “I’m not about to take action. I’m not about to get physical. I would never touch another person. And definitely not a girl.”
“Don’t worry about me,” you’re saying when you’re hands are in your pockets, “I’m not the kind of person to take initiative.”
Posted in Body Language | 
13 Comments »
just to note, bisping should have been disqualified for that knee to the head. He probably would have won the fight anyway, but he was dirty about it.
Oh yeah, Bisping’s an a-hole, no doubt. I wanted to see Rivera win that fight.
Eric
Do you really feel that strongly about putting your hands in your pockets Eric? It just doesnt seem that big a deal to me.
What if your a bigger guy? I’m 6″1 and fairly wide, do you feel a bigger guy sometimes needs to minimise himself to avoid overpowering others?
A bigger guy should absolutely not minimize himself. For example, if he’s taller, he shouldn’t slouch his posture. A taller guy does need to be careful that he isn’t facing her too much. But that’s different. That’s about him managing his personal space in relation to her. It shows too much interest and puts too much pressure on her.
Eric
to be honest…I don’t think I want to emulate either one! If I have to look like I’m out to start a fight in order to get women (and I’ve seen some self-styled PUA’s completely do this), then I’ll have to pass on the girls.
However, the image that the second guy is projecting, looking shy, hat pulled low, not saying very much….I agree with you that that’s not particularly masculine either.
Haha I think the guy on the left scared the shit out of him! He definitely had superior body language. I first watched the video without sound–the body language speaks volumes.
Sometimes saying less can be extremely powerful, but only when the body language clearly communicates your dominance and confidence. It didn’t in this case.
Absolutely. You don’t want to confrontational. You want to be relaxed. But you still don’t want to put your hands in your pockets.
Even though you are not trying to be confrontational, there are some commonalities between posturing for a fight and expressing confidence. In both you’re expressing confidence in your own ability. You’re showing that you’re not afraid to take action and you’re not intimidated into hiding. You’re showing that you are undaunted from expressing who you are.
Eric
Modify your pants so you don’t have pockets.
How does this work with being symmetrical? Often I will put one hand in my pocket and let the other dangle, whether I’m walking or standing so I look irregular but still taking up space (keeping my back straight, elbow out, etc).
I guess that could work to make you look asymmetric, which is a good thing. However, I think you’re better off leaning against something if possible, or just standing in an “L” shaped position, more leaning on one leg than the other. You really don’t want to have either of your hands in your pockets when you’re talking with a woman.
Eric
This makes a lot of sense, and there are a lot of other indicators similar to this that I noticed from myself. One of them is constantly having to hold a drink in your hand, or clinging to it tightly. I don’t know what other people saw in it, but to me it felt like I was saying to myself, “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just here to drink, I won’t bother you.” The ironic thing is that I would end up drinking to much, get blackout drunk, and end up getting overly aggressive anyways.
It’s amazing how subtle and yet how powerful the advice you gave me above is. It has compelled me to post my feedback about it. I have been consciously keeping my hands out of my pockets for the last couple weeks and it feels great! Even when I’m walking alone – it’s great practice. It really forces you to open yourself up and feel comfortable with your surroundings. Now I constantly look at what other guys are doing with their hands and it’s crazy how less confident and outgoing they seem when their hands are shoved in their pockets.
If anyone is looking to make an easy change in their life that will truly help your confidence and attract women, I recommend concentrating on three parts of your body language that have helped me tremendously: Orientation (not directly facing her), posture (back straight, pull the top of your spine up, relax your shoulders, stare slightly above the horizon when you walk, etc), and keeping your hands out will seriously make women become more attracted to you. When you feel comfortable and confident with how you carry yourself the interactions just come easier. You show you’re in control of the situation and women will respond positively to that. Concentrate on one at a time if you need to, but eventually you can make slight adjustments and feel good about your presence all the time.
Question… What if it’s super cold outside and your hands are freezing?