Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission

by Eric Disco
Apr 12

This post is from Robbie Kramer of Inner Confidence.

One of my clients recently said to me, “I feel like you’ve given me permission to speak my mind.”

He went on to talk about how he had always felt disrespected and belittled by his older brother but now he has the courage to stand up to him and tell him how he feels.

I think that is freaking cool and it has EVERYTHING to do with confidently attracting women.

I used to be the classic “nice-guy” you hear about in the seduction community. I couldn’t handle confrontation so I made sure to keep my mouth shut and avoid pissing people off.

I thought this was a good strategy until I realized the incredibly negative impact this was having on my confidence.

Every time I bit my tongue, it felt like a small part of me died.

Looking back, I can see how things got progressively worse as I got older.

The other day I was watching an old video I recorded of my friend hitting balls on the driving range. She whiffed 3 times in a row and hit it about 10 feet on her 4th try.

During the video I was saying things like “Almost! You’ll get it next time. Come on, you can do it!”

What I was thinking was: “Seriously?? Come on, you aren’t even trying! You call that a swing? Have you been drinking? You gotta be kidding me, no one can possibly suck this bad!”

Now before you judge me as this horrible jerk who has no compassion for a begginer golfer, let me assure you, I was thinking these things in more of a “teasing” tone.

Watching the video 4 years later and hearing these comments coming out of my mouth was painful because I was censoring myself so much.

So I told you above that this directly relates to confidently attracting women, here’s how.

If you consistently censor yourself around women you’re attracted to, they will see you as a spineless wimp.

I’m not saying go out and speak everything on your mind, I’m telling you to start taking risks and be honest instead of telling nice white lies.

When you take a risk and say something a little edgy, you might find yourself in the midst of confrontation.

If you are not taking these sorts of risks on a weekly basis, you have no idea how much bigger and exciting your life could be.

You may be worried about the ramifications but trust me, you are better at handling these situations then you think you are.

Here’s the kicker, screwing up and creating what looks to be a major disaster is actually a huge blessing in disguise.

If you are honest with someone they may not like it but when the dust settles, they will trust you more and will have an easier time connecting with you.

You may have heard the phrase “emotional connection” being thrown around a lot recently. In case you are wondering what that entails, it’s actually quite simple ?????? two or more people sharing an emotional experience.

The more intense the emotion, the more intense the connection.

When you boldly and honestly speak to people, you give them a chance to connect with you.

People who are also bold and honest will respect you while people with something to hide will jealously try to take you down.

In other words, you’ll make really powerful emotional connections with people like you and you’ll push away the rest.

Sounds like a pretty decent strategy, wouldn’t you say?

If you want to make significant changes to your confidence, you’ve gotta take action and push your comfort zone.

Making the choice to be honest with people instead of censoring yourself is one of the best ways to get started.

Depending on your comfort level, you can start out with people who you know will forgive you that you already have a relationship with (friends, family, coworkers).

Some of you might find it easier to start out with strangers instead. It doesn’t matter who you start with, the only thing that matters is that you get started.

Are you gonna screw this up and piss some people off?– probably.

Are you gonna feel embarrassed and ashamed when this happens?– probably.

Are you gonna tell yourself that you never should have listened to Robbie Kramer’s horrible advice?– hopefully not.

Regardless, if you are taking action and the calculated risks that your gut instincts are telling you to take, you are moving in the right direction and on the path of building unshakable confidence.


This article was simultaneously posted on InnerConfidence.com

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posted in Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
10 responses

since I’ve started doing this, this is the most important thing I’ve learned.

Well said.

And it’s not just about women…it’s about how you relate to everyone. Act the way you’re describing, and you’ll be respected—as well as more appealing.

Cameron says:

Great article Robbie!

Thanks Goodyearblimp and Cammy!

Darwin says:

Came here after ages… glad to see you still on your mission Eric.. You have helped me in so many ways..

Reece says:

This is bloody great adice Eric

I had a similar experience when I was younger, but when I started believing in myself and being honest and confident with others I started feeling like I was regaining my true power and I still am.

Iva Dyn says:

This is an awesome post! I will add to it, that it is indeed important to speak your truth, however, another important skill to have is a conscious awareness and emotional mastery that will allow you to USE the opportunity where you might be triggered by your own speaking the truth (that is, getting the fear that you might have done something or feeling ashamed), or by other people’s reactions to that. With hit mindset in hand, you can only WIN :)

JasFilie says:

Hi Robbie,
I dont know if you read and respond to these comments as well but if you do: what about consistency?
If I would be honest, my opinion would be changing every other day at least. As a get more info on the subject my point of view and my feelings about it change, sometimes even quite radically. But wouldnt being honest make me look like a little bit of a doubtful, insecure person? My current solution to it is to shake it off and say something about how only the wise are brave enough to change their minds and stuff. But still, wouldnt a little consistency in opinion be more positive than being honest?
Love to hear your thoughts on it!

Cheers

Hey JasFilie,

I’m not totally clear on your question but I’ll take a stab at it. In my experience, when we are honest about our feelings, those feelings pass very quickly. When we hold our feelings in, they stay stuck. Will this honesty make you look insecure, doubtful, weak, stupid, scared, etc… Yes and No. If you feel scared and you tell someone you are scared, they will know you’re scared but they will also respect the fact that you had the courage to tell them you are scared. So what they here is: “This guy is courageous.”

Let’s flip it: If you pretend you aren’t scared and say, “This is easy.” Intuitive people (hot women are very intuitive) will know you are lying and think: This guy is scared and he’s a total douche for lying about it.

The most courageous thing you can do is be honest about your shortcomings. It feels scary because it makes you vulnerable. But 9 out of 10 times, people will give you massive respect for it. Occasionally, someone will try to belittle you but you can bet that this person is a true coward and his/her opinion is not worth worrying about.

To answer your last question, No, I don’t believe that consistency in opinion would be more positive then being honest.

This is a pretty in-depth concept that I only skimmed the surface of but I hope it makes sense.

Cheers,
Robbie

Eric Disco says:

Hi Jasfile,

I liked your question so I wrote a new post in response here:

http://approachanxiety.com/2011/04/why-cant-i-think-of-anything-to-say/

Eric

JasFilie says:

@Robbie: I think I get your point. Although one could also say that the consistency is in the honesty. One would be trying to be consistently honest. Maybe it’s not an either/or kinda question. Food for thought. Thanks for the response!
@Eric: Yeah i just read it. Impressively accurate discription of the ‘blank-mind’ phenomena! I think you’re dead on there. Great read!

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