Lies We Tell Ourselves in Bad Relationships

by Eric Disco
Mar 18


There’s no feeling like it in the world.

When you’re into a girl, everything in your life seems different. Colors seem more vivid.

Everything you do has a different purpose. Life seems more worth living.

It’s not surprising that Stanford researchers found that the feeling of being in love is extremely addictive.

The effects on the brain are almost indistinguishable from the most potent drugs like cocaine or heroin.

And if a girl is not giving you what you want, your life turns into a downward spiral, just like drug withdrawal.

You think about her a million times a day. You want her, at least emotionally, more than anything you can remember.

You know it’s not good for you, but pulling away is the hardest thing in the world. Everything outside of this feeling seems worthless in comparison.

And so we stay in, even if we have a pretty good idea that things aren’t going well. We lie to ourselves.

Here are the most common lies:

Lie #1: She’s having problems. This is probably one of the biggest lies.

A girl flakes on a date because she’s feeling sick. Or she drops out of contact for days or weeks because she’s “dealing with something.”

She has a medical issue. Or a psychological issue. Or is having a tough time at work or with money.

There’s always some excuse.

mostlywanted.com8Is she telling the truth or is she lying?

The thing is: it doesn’t matter.

If a girl is pulling away from you, it’s your job to pull away from her.

It doesn’t matter if she tells you that she won’t be able to talk to you for a while because she’s getting surgery or if that was a lie and she’s just started seeing some new guy.

Your job isn’t to wade through the lies and the truth. Your job is to pull away when she does.

You’re not her therapist, her doctor, or even her best friend. Trying to get close to her when she’s pulling way–for whatever reason–is certain death.

Lie #2: She’s says she’s really into me. Women will say anything, particularly to your face. They will tell you all the things you want to hear.

The thing is, we keep people in our lives for all sorts of different reasons.

Maybe she just wanted someone until something better came along. Maybe she does have feelings for you, but not as deep as your feelings for her.

If she’s pulling away from you and not giving you what you want, you must ignore her words and instead look at her actions.

How is she treating you? How often does she take initiative to invite you out, to text and call you, to do nice things for you, to get to know you, to have sex with you, etc.

Her words are less than worthless. They are a smokescreen crafted to avoid confrontation.

Lie #3: I played too many games and that’s why this isn’t working. This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves.

Initially when you met her, you were standing on your own two feet. You were fun and flirty. You gave her space.

You pushed her away the right amount a guy should. You didn’t feel needy or express more interest than was appropriate.

But now that you’re losing her, you start to question that. Even though she’s pushing you away, you start to think that maybe if you pulled her in more, she would open herself up to you.

mostlywanted.com6As you feel needy, you lie to yourself that maybe if you were nicer to her and acted more submissive, she’d come around more.

If you are feeding yourself with any of these classic lies, chances are, you are in a bad situation that’s draining your time, energy, and life force.

It’s time to seriously start focusing on other people. Pull away from her or end it altogether.

It’s painful to lose her but once you get over her, you’ll be able to really judge whether things were good.

You can always look back over the relationship and ask yourself how things truly were.

Do you really feel good when you’re with her? And do you feel good the majority of the time?

If you’re telling yourself these lies, chances are, the relationship is a bad thing.


posted in Relationships

8 responses
joe says:

Thanks Eric, This was the exact article i needed in this moment in my life.

“Her words are less than worthless. They are a smokescreen crafted to avoid confrontation.” really hit me.


Cameron says:

Yeh, that line really stood out for me too, women really are very dishonest when it comes to breakups.

Mackroyal44 says:

Yup, I feel you Eric the classic lament of a (beta) male who has oneitis.

whatsup says:

There was this girl who told me she feels sick so she won’t make it to the date. I called her and asked her how she feels. She was telling the truth. I cooked a soup and knocked on her door. She invited me in. The rest is private…

So sometimes, it is better than not to pull away rather than pulling away. Making generalizations is dangerous. Just for your information.

Lee says:

@whatsup You cooked soup for a girl? Nothing wrong with that, but my first question is which date was this? Don’t tell me it was the first date. The fact that this turned out well for you and you got laid notwithstanding, no, you shouldn’t cook soup for a girl you know almost nothing about. Doing favors, buying presents, or otherwise going out of your way to impress or endear yourself to someone you don’t know well is a low status move and says all the wrong things about you. A message like this is fine: “aw, poor girl. if you were mine, i’d make you some chicken soup. a speedy recovery, sugah :-(” Even if going out of your way to show interest “works” by getting you laid, you are poisoning any possible future relationship with this person by setting up a dynamic in which you are the unjustifiably committed suitor and she is the unjustifiably valuable prize.

Coif says:

The thing is, this is queen bee behavior. Do not encourage it. These games will go on forever. She maybe a stripper or something and you’re
Ike her client almost. And don’t speak to her through other people, like a courier, that’s awful freaking horsecrap.

Eric Disco says:

There was this girl who told me she feels sick so she won’t make it to the date. I called her and asked her how she feels. She was telling the truth. I cooked a soup and knocked on her door. She invited me in. The rest is private…

A friend of mine was seeing a woman. She would cancel on him every once in a while because she was “feeling sick.” One time he offered to stop by because he would be in the neighborhood. She declined with an excuse. She regularly canceled dates on him at the last minute with excuses like this.

Was she lying or did she really have health issues?

Whether she was speaking the truth here doesn’t matter. She wasn’t prioritizing him. She was treating him poorly. It doesn’t matter what her specific excuse was that day. The totality of the situation is that she was pushing him away. In that situation, for him to get closer would be foolhardy.

If you look at your situation, this woman did invite you over. That’s exactly what I’m talking about when I say that you should listen to her actions and not her words. She was receptive to you. You ignored her words and instead paid attention to the physical: she invited you over for soup. It’s possible you read some interest in her text and took a chance. It’s possible you pushed through a bit of resistance, which is normal at the start of a relationship.

But you also don’t know what would have happened with this woman if you had said, “Okay, hon, feel better,” and then a day or so later checked in with her and went out on a date. If this was the first or second date with her, that would probably have been the best move.

If it’s the first or second date, you aren’t her boyfriend yet. She doesn’t expect you to come over and take care of her when she’s sick. And if you start acting like her boyfriend too soon, it can cause problems. If she was really into you, it may not make a difference. But if she’s still not sure–like most girls are at the beginning–it can only work against you if you start showing too much interest too early on. If you want a first-hand experience from a woman of why you should start relationships casual, check out this post.


TAllagash says:

chicks in the end do not respect the bullshit nice guy moves, unless done by a man who does enough that does not fit with that image to make it seem like some strange dichotomy that makes her hamster wheel spin.

you can make a girl dinner, if you spend you’re free time boxing or working on your car.

as stereotypical as it sounds, you have to mix in coffee with the creme….otherwise you’re just plain jane boring to her and you’ll be the guy she says is just “too nice”…and by that she means you’re a pushover/pussy