Why My Most Humiliating Moment wasn’t Humiliating at All, and What It Taught Me about Approaching Women
by 
Eric Disco
This post is from Rob Judge.
A packed 6 train can teach you a lot about humiliation, pickup, and women.
I learned my lesson a few years back, on a brisk fall morning. It was a Saturday morning, as I remember, at an hour so ungodly early that it shouldn’t exist on a weekend.
My hair was disheveled and my thoughts were groggy. Clearly I wasn’t looking for love but, as it so often happens, I found lust.
Before getting into the sexy details, you have to understand the unsexy situation. No matter what time it is, the 6 train always manages to fill up to the point where people get pressed against the windows. I don’t mean that figuratively either–the 6 train gets so packed that it smudges your cheeks against the glass like that Goonies scene with Chunk.
And this morning was no different. We morning commuters were pushed together so that we were no longer individuals; we were one collective body. Our arms, our legs, our sweat, even our thoughts were fused into one, singular nightmare that was trying to get to uptown Manhattan.
To endure the process, I practiced my urban Zen ritual of concentrating only on how many stops I had left before I’d have to wrangle myself loose of this knot of livestock.
Six more stops. A feminized robot voice instructed us, “Please stand clear of the closing doors.” I took a deep breath, closed my eyes. Five more stops. “Please stand clear”–I opened my eyes.
And, wow.
Half a train car away, I saw a girl whose beauty made me uncomfortable. She made me uncomfortable half a train car away. I only got a long, languid moment to notice her, and then she was eclipsed–some flabby, red-faced man stepped into my line-of-vision.
I tried to pry another peep of her on my tippy toes, but I only caught a wispy glance of her black hair. Even that was an eyeful. From half a train car away it looked silky and ethereal and a shade of black so dark that it shimmered.
My eyes closed and I imagined running my hand up the back of her neck, catching strands of that hair between the webs of my fingers. I knew I had to approach her.
I opened my eyes, and remembered that I was on the 6 train. I didn’t dare take a step toward her. The speeding freight of human cargo seemed to sense my intentions, and already condemn me for possessing them. As I looked around, judgmental stares seemed to warn me: Don’t do it.
I suddenly snapped to my “better” judgment. I must be crazy, I thought, to have even considered approaching a girl on the 6 train. That admonishment was like a crack forming in a dam, inviting all my fears to flood my brain. What if someone I know is on this train and they see me approach; what if she rejects me and everyone sees; what if she has a boyfriend–of course she has a boyfriend, look at her!
But then, the flabby, red-faced man leaned a few inches backward, again treating me to a perfect glimpse of her.
Fuck it, I told myself, just…fuck it.
I waded through the thick forest of bodies that crammed the path between she and I. As I pushed through them, the murmurs already began flaring up. I was “that guy.” Little did they realize, I was about become “THAT guy.”
As I closed in on her, I sidestepped a Hispanic lady with a baby stroller with such finesse it would have been fit to show on ESPN Sportscenter in slow motion. Plowing through the final bystander, I found myself smack in her face–literally. Once I was that close, I realized I’d overlooked two details I could have never noticed from half a train car away:
1. She was even more beautiful up close
2. She was listening to an iPod
Both of these unforeseen details made me want to turn on my heel and abandon what I’d set out to do.
But I couldn’t.
Something compelled me to motion my hands in front of her, frantically, as if I were trying to flag down a speeding car.
She peered up, confused.
“Yeah,” I shouted, way too loud, “Hey!”
She plucked out the earphones, suspiciously.
“Hey,” I boomed again, realizing I was actually panting, “I thought you were adorable I had to come over to meet you!”
Once the words left my mouth, it was like I’d detonated a bomb. The entire train erupted in laughter. For a brief moment, this collective body of cramped commuters put their frustrations aside to celebrate the hilarity of me thinking someone was so adorable that I had to meet them.
The crowd vibrated and pulsed with laughter as stray hecklers yelled their snide potshots. A group of young guys by the emergency exit pointed and barked, “You gotta be kiddin’ me, bro! Did you really just say that?” A frail old lady shook her head and muttered, “Disgusting!” But the most biting remark came from an enormous black woman who was sprawled across two seats, a woman who seemed born for the sole purpose of snorting the condescending line, “M’hmph! Good luck wit dat line, honey!”
The 6 train was in absolute hysterics but the only two not laughing were me and the girl. At some level I was aware of every snide remark and derisive fit of laughter; but on another level, none of it registered at all.
As I gazed into her eyes, a belief hardened into reality. That belief was that people’s opinions don’t matter; only taking action and bravely doing what I know to be right matters. My life wasn’t to be lived by a jury where majority rules. If I lived by those standards, then I shouldn’t expect my success with women to change in the slightest. My success with women had been disappointing in the past not because of what I lacked, but because of what I believed.
As the mushroom cloud of humiliation enveloped everything around me, I remained impervious to its influence. Not only did I not feel it, but she didn’t either. We held eye contact with one another as we cordoned off our small bubble of reality. It was a bubble that dared to float above the majority rule, to float above being average.
Few guys ever accept the belief that they can take action even when it contradicts the “status quo.” Even fewer guys ever see that belief through to reality.
That morning a packed 6 train got a laugh at my expense, but that was a price I was willing to pay to act on what I knew to be right. Approaching that girl made me realize that my drive to meet women is more important to me than the comfort of fitting in.
That’s my story.
Now you have to ask yourself: is your drive to meet new women more important to you than your desire to fit in and be accepted?
There’s only one way to answer that: approach the next hot girl who catches your eye, regardless of the situation. Solidify your belief into reality by taking action.
Hopefully this vignette inspires you to act on what you know to be right. While reading can often inspire you at the moment, I know how difficult it can be to approach women when you actually see them. That’s why I created an iPhone app called “ApproacHER” to help coach you through those crucial moments when you need motivation most.
To learn more about my “approach coach” app, go to Apple’s app store and type in “ApproacHER” or “Rob Judge” to learn more.
Or you can check out my information page, on the ApproacHER app. (Link: http://approacher.robjudge.net/)
Oh, in case you’re wondering, how did it go with the girl?
We ended up going on a date, hitting it off, and I enjoyed a brief–but passionate–relationship with her. The humiliation was well worth it.
Posted in Embarrassment and Rejection | 
24 Comments »
What if you have to interact with the same people on a daily basis?… It’s very easy to approach like that when you’re surrounded by people you won’t see again, but doing that in college or another closed social cirlcle it’s inappropriate…
Eric went in direct here.. at college you can easily go indirect. What are 2 girls going to think if some dude asks them where the strongest coffee/internet cafe is? Nothing lol, but then youve opened and can do something more about it, like making a guess on their course/how the one with great posture looks like a dancer or whatever. Buy Sh’s 6 steps away man.
@Hobo, I agree.
I wouldn’t have approached like that if I were in a social circle situation; however, I still would’ve done SOMETHING. By simply approaching and starting a conversation, you’re taking control of your life.
How you want to do it is a matter of personal preference, but the point of this article is the simple act of approaching separates you from “everyone else.” Don’t be average–be awesome.
Hey MR.Rob, something similar happened to me, when I was at the bus stop here. and it was raining. But there were no bubble. The girl outwardly rejected me. (I was nervous. I think she got too). But was a pretty refreshing experience (Half because of the rain I guess) .
Everyone was looking and making some comments. And I was cool with it. Not angry or thinking “Those guys dont know shit” but like. “They got nothing to do with me or my life”.
I guess I felt like exactly when I was watching guys at the club approaching and I couldnt have the guts. Felt like I wasnt in the experience, but watching a movie. I guess that what it is for the people who doesnt have much balls.
Dude, nothing personal, but frankly, I think you are bull shitting.
You probably did approach, but you did not get the girl.
Here’s why I feel that.
1) The theme of your entire post is “humiliation”. Starting with the title, the introduction, the middle, right up to the end (the very last sentence!)…you talk only about the “humiliation” you faced. When in fact, IF you did get the girl in the end (I presume you had exchanged numbers at least, or stepped out together, right before the jeering crowd) if you did end up with the girl, this story would be about VICTORY and jubilation, not humiliation. Your predominant emotion linked with that incident would be JOY, not shame. But to this day, the feeling you associate with that incident is shame. Strange.
2) You say…”As the mushroom cloud of humiliation enveloped everything around me, I remained impervious to its influence. Not only did I not feel it, but she didn’t either. We held eye contact with one another as we cordoned off our small bubble of reality. It was a bubble that dared to float above the majority rule, to float above being average.”
Total crap! Such is the nature of women (ESPECIALLY hot women) that if she was indeed attracted to you, she would make it clear to the booing crowd that you have WON, so that they would shut up. She would be on YOUR side, and show it!
Normally I ignore posts like these. I see such false posts on forums all the time, especially from newbies more interested in the validation than in the learning. But when I see a post like this on THIS forum, I cannot be silent. ED’s blog is about being REAL. And about being OK with being real.
Oddly, if you had posted the truth about the girl ignoring you and going back to her ipod, or stepping away from you to stand behind the red-faced man, or just abruptly getting off at the next stop or whatever…) even if you didn’t get the girl (in fact, BECAUSE you didn’t get the girl) your story would have been gold. Because being a real man is not about getting the girl, but about stepping up and taking action to get the girl, which you did, and for that, RESPECT!
Eric, why do let scammers write guest articles on your blog?
Rob, I have gotten 10 emails from you the last 14 days. You don`t need to oversell your “products”. You seemed like a cool guy, but you and Zack have sold out. I have never received one sales-letter from Eric.
@Rob, I like that, you approach, instead of doing nothing about it (like most of the people do) but the final question is: Despite all the humilliation did you end up with the girl in some kind of sexual/romantic relationship? Or only the story remained?
One heck of an account. it was written like a novel, a little too well.
I thought it was a great story, I could believe 99% of it, man sees gorgeous girl on the subway, approaches, people laugh at him, he gets girl, I mean, he deserved the girl for showing such balls.
Did EVERY passenger on the train laugh and make snide remarks, probably not, but ffs, hes allowed a little artistic licence. I’m sure that it SEEMED to him in that moment like everyone was laughing at him.
By the way, we’ve seen a couple of approaches on a crowded subway train, perhaps this is seen as the epitome of the hard approach, and with good reason….I wonder if anyone has an example of an approach that paid off and was even ballsier/ crazier than this whole subway thing?
I was reading some of the comments and it’s crazy to see how guys can’t accept the reality of success when it doesn’t line up with the beliefs they have learned. Rob Judge is one of the most aggressive guys out there in this field and it almost makes those studying “game” angry how a guy so selfless could succeed. But it happens. I too practiced “game” once. And it was okay. But once I took a look into what Rob taught, it totally changed my perspective on every little bit of how I approached women. From the first articles I read, I realize this is what I always wanted from pickup. But of course, I, too, was hesitant. I looked at some of his in-field footage, and there was something about his aggressive desires that seemed settling. It was that moment I took it upon myself to try his shameless game. And all I can say is, I wish I learned it first. Because it doesn’t feel as weird, it didn’t feel as natural. Actual just the opposite, it felt like the way things should be done. I didn’t think it would work, but it really did. My success has skyrocketed. Finally, a writer so eloquent, and game so natural, that I finally achieved a level I was acceptable with. Sure it may not be the way you do it. But try it out before bashing the man. It may be easy to bring down a guy after taking a few minutes to read what he says. But if you get his book, and try some of the things he tells you, then you will be surprised with the outcome. Just my two cents. I’m just a normal guy that stumbled across the writings of Rob Judge, and it forever changed the way I interact with women. -Phil
Is that you Rob?
“Phil” it is not nuclear science we are dealing with here. People hooked up and got married the last thousand years before people needed “pick-up” books.
Are you telling me that this, that happens in clubs all over the world requires some special skill:
http://www.youtube.com/user/DateHotterGirls#p/a/u/1/K3IgKyli4HU
Get into the gym, find some nice clothes, get some self pride and own your shit. Go out talk to girl. Need some tips on how to behave in social settings, read some text books on human interaction. Learn through the real world.
Thanks to everyone who left constructive comments on here. I appreciate it and I’m happy that people can relate/learn from the stories and posts.
I guess haters are gonna hate, no matter what. All I can say to Bastian is you’ll contort the facts however you can to fit your worldview however you see fit. If someone claims my advice is helpful, it’s secretly me writing it (btw, thanks Phil) if I say to work on your confidence and understanding of social interactions, you’ll say it’s about “working out and getting nice clothes.”
I’ve seen enough people like you, and I’m not trying to change your mind…I’m just amazed that you’d spend so much time hating on the internet and subscribed to our mailing list when I’m a “scammer.” Why don’t you go hit the gym and read some text books on human interaction…?
Anyway, let’s get back to discussing how to get hot women ;) Again, thanks to Eric for the chance to guest post and everyone who enjoyed the article. (And yes, this really did happen…and I did get the girl; although, you’re right, it has little relevance in the story other than my hope that it points out that no matter how bad the situation seems, it doesn’t mean things are over.)
I took a bootcamp with Rob and he will go in at any situation with no excuse (especially asians) and plow through like a beast. If he wanted to make up a story and after all the crazy shit a man sees in NY, I highly doubt he would choose to make this up. Sick article, inspired and looking forward to accept the challenge you have given to the readers –> Now you have to ask yourself: is your drive to meet new women more important to you than your desire to fit in and be accepted?
Man, that is one killer story. I’m definitely saving this one for inspiration. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the same type of situation on the subway, minus the crowd.
It can be hard for some to believe it, but I can believe it because I’ve seen these kinds of things with my own eyes–and even done them a few times. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
You ask a great question, just how much of a priority to you is meeting women and building relationships with them? I know that’s something I’ve been thinking about recently.
“M’hmph! Good luck wit dat line, honey!â€ÂÂ
Good luck indeed! Haha.
@Phil : Hey Phil (aka Rob) I’m not surprised that you would stoop to the extent of coming in disguise to promote yourself. Heck, when you can manufacture a post, what’s a little comment! ;)
@KL : “It can be hard for some to believe it, but I can believe it because I’ve seen these kinds of things with my own eyes”
Huh? What is so ‘hard to believe’ about approaching a woman in a train?! What is so amazing about that? If you really found that ‘hard to believe’, then dude your cover has just been blown. You also are Rob!! Ha, ha! Rob, you really need to get a life. How about you show some real courage and actually approach for a change? If nothing it would be a welcome change from lurking on this forum and ghost-writing.
@Rob : “I guess haters are gonna hate, no matter what”
Rob, you’re not hated; don’t flatter yourself. You’re just pitied.
Karma:
Whats up with you? Why are you such an asshole?
Some people actually want to make this community a win-win situation.
Eric does, Robbie does, this Rob Judge dude does.
But you and your selfish bunch of passive-aggressive asshole friends cant resist coming along and insulting everyone.
You think your attempt at promoting your products is so subtle. In reality, its transparent.
You think your so smart, but your so dumb.
Its frustrating because all you have to do is nothing, all you have to do is let someone else enjoy some success.
But you cant do that, your so jealous and bitter that you have do piss all over everything.
You have to spoil it for everyone.
This is whats out there, this is why the world doesnt work, little people like you.
We have an opportunity here to really learn from each other and grow but you have to ruin it all.
Lol,entertaining post Rob.I love the part where you moved with finness around the baby carriage(lol).I’ve lived in the city(6 line in fact)so I can relate to the crammed feeling when commuting.
People deny this shit because it’s so far outside of their reality. It would be WEIRD if Rob wasn’t getting shit by these dudes.
I also think it’s human nature for angry people to spread their feelings like some kind of negative troll. People that feel trapped in situations they don’t feel they can get out of are always the types that love putting people down.
I liked this post because I do approach girls during the day and totally connect with what this guy is saying. The only guys calling bullshit on this are the ones who don’t approach girls or make excuses to not try it.
I didn’t read the comments but now I believe I know what keeps my away of approaching… The embarance and the rejection, the thoughts of what the other will say what she will say , great article Rob ,matching those of Eric ,..thanks both.!
That was balls. Heroism, in fact. Loved it.
I don’t think you should have done that dude but i can certainly sympathize with what you were trying to do. Sometimes a stunningly beautiful woman can make any man go crazy with desire. I too like brunettes and I ‘ve done some not so smart moves with them that I’m still rather embarrassed about. I think it’s very important to stay calm and not lose control of yourself around beautiful women.
I’d find the above situation too much to cope with. As a kid, for 4 years until I was 16, I would be bullied, taunted and laughed at by crowds of people, usually because I spoke my mind and the kids didn’t agree. As a result, I am scared to offend and not please people because I am frightened of being a social piranha. The fear of receiving the same ridicule for being rejected and getting a punch or a slap at the same time is so frightening. I have no idea how to deal with this fear because I associate those feelings with those dark days. I don’t want to go back there again.