This post is from Robbie Kramer of Inner Confidence.
What if they don’t like me?
What if they think I’m a jerk?
What if I piss them off?
What if they talk sh*t behind my back?
“I had a realization today,” said Marty, one of my students.
“What I realized is that to be successful and confident not everyone is going to like me…”
“And if I am pushing myself I will most likely annoy and piss some people off because they may see me as a jerk, creepy or arrogant. But I can’t let that affect how I feel about myself.”
Marty had this realization during a particular incident. He started speaking with a woman who worked in a store. He said something that was sexual and direct.
But his confidence didn’t have the intended effect. Things got awkward. So he walked out
As he was walking away from the store, he decided, instead of just leaving, he was going to go back in and talk to her about it.
When he got there, he asked her if she was creeped out. She said that she was and said, “I’m just being honest” and laughed a bit.
Marty said “Yeah, sometimes people can be creepy.” She told him that if he wanted to buy something at her store she would talk to him but otherwise she wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation.
“Well,” he responded, “I just came back to be a man and stand in my embarrassment.” He wished her a good day and left.
Marty felt good about wading into a situation that he knew would be uncomfortable but wasn’t going to hide from it.
I too had this realization in the not so distance past.
I am often competitive, jealous, frustrated, and pissed off.
I compare myself to others to measure my value and focus primarily on beating people and finishing first.
I can be calculating, passive aggressive, and I often see the world through tunnel vision.
My thoughts are primarily focused on the future and what will become of me, not by choice, but by circumstance.
Access to a life of abundance feels like hard work I don’t want to do or by getting people to hand things to me.
This is how I felt the majority of the time up until a couple of years ago, and the best part about all of this is that I didn’t think people can tell!!
The thought of someone not liking me drove me crazy, so I wore a mask over all of this behavior to look cheerful, fun loving, and easy going.
The mask I was wearing is what many people refer to as the “In-Authentic Nice Guy.”
The “Nice-Guy” pretends to be really sweet, polite and respectful in order to win the approval and good graces of others. It’s an act, because underneath, he is angry, resentful of women and unsatisfied with his ability to express his needs, wants and desires to be sexual.
I was naive enough to think that people wouldn’t notice my “nice-guy” game.
The truth is, even if people did notice, no one ever said anything about it to my face.
This is the society we live in. We are aware of everything whether we are conscious of it or not but it is never talked about.
It may sound like I am judging and beating myself up for the feelings I had and the behaviors I was running under the mask.
But I’m not!
Most people have their own version or their own mask to hide their true nature from others.
So what should we do?
Should we go around speaking our mind, try to fit in and pretend everything is peachy keen or do something in between?
The truth is, the more confident and successful we become, the less people are going to like us!
Because most people are not confident or successful and they’re going to be jealous.
So if you’re worried about being liked, GET OVER IT!
You know what woman consistently battles Oprah for the highest ratings on TV?
Judge Judith Sheindlin aka Judge Judy.
Judge Judy tells the truth and she’s not afraid to be who she is or express how she feels.
She wears her emotions on her sleeve and speaks her mind. Ok she doesn’t speak her mind, she actually SHOUTS her mind!
Judge Judy doesn’t care about people liking her, and after spending 25 years making a tiny salary presiding over family court cases, she was offered her own show in Hollywood.
Now, depending on the ratings, she is the biggest female star on TV.
We can learn a lot from Judge Judy.
She is proof that even if people don’t like us, if we are honest they’ll respect us, and that matters a lot more.
It can be terrifying to tell the truth and get emotionally naked in front of people, especially if we are used to NOT doing it.
Baby steps is the key…
Start to be aware of your emotions running under the surface.
Intuitive people will be able to read you like a book, regardless of the words coming out of your mouth.
Beautiful women are some of the most intuitive people on the planet. If you’re trying to fool them into liking you, the joke’s on you.
Shift your focus.
I used to think this was “gay” or for hippies.
I didn’t have a masculine role model who could show me how it’s done.
It’s funny but the more I express myself and allow myself to act out all of those behaviors that most people judge and label as wrong, bad, selfish and evil, the less the behaviors have a hold on me.
Not only that, but speaking about it gives people an access point to connect with me and it’s a hell of a lot more fun then walking around with a “nice guy” mask on all the time!
The bottom line is this.
If we don’t piss some people off and gather a few haters in the process, we are playing small.
When you have haters, you know you’ve made it!
This article was simultaneously posted on InnerConfidence.com
posted in Self-Improvement StrategiesCOMMENTS