After the Intensity, Release the Pressure

by Eric Disco
Jan 11

MalcolmLiepke20She was stand-offish at first, acting like she was more interested in talking to her friend than you.

But with enough teasing and playing, you get her to open up.

You play some games. Ask her some stupid questions. You tell her to ask you some questions.

It’s you and her. Back and forth. The intensity starts to build.

You tease her. She teases back.

You make yourself vulnerable and share something you didn’t expect to.

She does as well.

There’s touching. You use excuses to touch her. And she gives you a touch back every once in a while.

You’ve covered all your bases, even talking about sex a bit, making sure the conversation doesn’t stay in friend zone.

She’s going stride for stride with you.

It’s amazing, intense, and fun. This girl is into you. And you’re into her.

This girl is focused on you. And you’re focused on her.

But this is where it’s easy to mess it up. You’ve built something here. You’ve led her somewhere.

It’s your job to notice when it’s time to ease the pressure.

At this point, notice your body language, specifically your eye contact.

You might be in a large club. Or out on a date. Or in the middle of a park.

You’re looking mostly at her. She feels that intensity. And it’s good.

But at a certain point, you want to take that energy and point it outward into your environment instead of continuing to point it toward her.

At some point in the interaction, turn your attention toward your surroundings.

MalcolmLiepke12“What kind of guys are you attracted to?” I’ll ask.

After she answers, I’ll tell her to pick out a cute guy in the place.

“Oh my god, that’s your new boyfriend,” I say.

I grab her hand. “C’mon, I’m going to introduce you to him.”

Of course, she protests.

The important thing here, beyond teasing her by disqualifying myself, is that I’ve turned our attention toward the environment.

Too much attention on the girl, and on your conversation, can come across as needy.

In many ways, attraction can be understood as attention, and so if you are paying too much attention to her, she starts to feel unchallenged, no matter how much you tease her.

You can turn your attention toward your surroundings a number of different ways. The easiest way is to simply comment on something in the vicinity.

If you’re at a club or on a date, you can talk about the place or about some people in the place.

While you do this, you want to make sure you’re not facing her.

Not facing her is so important in general, but commenting on the environment allows you to stand or sit next to her, shoulder to shoulder, looking out at the environment rather than focusing in on her.

This position, shoulder to shoulder, facing the same direction, is my default state with any girl.

“What kind of girls are you into?” I ask.

“I’m not into girls,” she responds.

“You mean you can’t pick out a hot girl?”

“No. I can.”

I turn my body toward the environment. It’s me standing or sitting next to her looking out over our environment.

“Okay, pick out a hot girl in this place,” I say.

I make her pick out a hot girl. This serves to show that she’s not the only cute girl in the place.

“Okay, not bad. I guess we can take her home with us.”

MalcolmLiepke14Another way to do this is to play a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill, where you take turns each choosing three people in the environment you would fuck, marry or kill.

If you’re at a supermarket or a bookstore, you can comment on the merchandise. You can even get her to walk around with you.

Another way to ease the intensity of your attention, particularly in a bar or club, is to simply let conversation drop and look around the bar.

In a way, you’re signaling to her that you might be interested in other women in the place, that you’re still looking, and that she has some work to do to win your interest.

Stay silent until she picks up conversation again.

In certain situations, like a house party or some situations at a venue, you can do the “take-away” where you walk away from her for a bit and go socialize with other people. You’re taking your attention away from her.

In almost every instance that I’ve hooked up with a girl the same night I’ve met her, I’ve done a “take-away.”

It’s very important to be able to build up intensity with a woman, through connecting and having fun, but it’s also important that you lead that intensity to another place, rather than let it dissipate or keep it going until she gets distracted or does something to release it.

By doing this, you’ll keep her wanting more. She’ll appreciate you twice as much once she has your attention again.


posted in Attraction, Rapport Skills

7 responses
KL says:

Just in time. I’m meeting a girl later today (who is so into me it’s crazy). I’ll keep this stuff in mind, thanks, Eric.

Karma says:

Wow…this is classic Eric Disco…so f***ing profound. Nobody could have articulated such subtlety so well. Thank you Eric!

Relentless says:

Its only been a rare occasion that I’ve ever gone that far with a new found friend but exploring the environment has always turned things up a notch for sure. I’ve been able to do such exploring with a girl who i’ve stopped randomly, or was simply doing nothing interesting, but how does the situation change when she is looking for a particular book or some grocery items? Would you assist her in her search? or try to get her outside that mindset altogether and create a new journey together? I’ve bailed early the few times ive tried, but Im slowly working my way up on this type of interaction.

Also, do you generally try to plow through to create such a solid connection as described above before you do the ‘take away’? If the conversation doesnt hook early I pretty much move on to the next one, being partially ignored is not something i can fully stand up against.

Most recently I’ve tried being some what the life of the party and bounce around from person to person but if the conversation hooks I stay in a lot longer. When I do leave I say something along the lines of “nice chat, i’ll talk to you later” and then catch up with my friends or whatever. Do you generally leave a girl hanging like that?

“This position, shoulder to shoulder, facing the same direction, is my default state with any girl.” What about when you’re escalating?

Cameron says:

Eric has the ability to have sex with girls without facing them with his hips :-P

Jk, I assume he faces them when hes escalating, although you can make out without facing someone, as anyone who has watched a movie will attest.

Eric Disco says:

“This position, shoulder to shoulder, facing the same direction, is my default state with any girl.” What about when you’re escalating?

For physical escalation, physical contact, friendly touching, flirty touching, hand-holding–anything less than actually making out with her–you do want to be shoulder-to-shoulder. In fact, it’s a great way to alleviate the pressure so that you can get more physical.

Let’s take a look at these two photos:

Photo 1 – facing her


Photo 2 – facing away

couple on couch 2

I would only be facing her like in Photo 1 if i were about to make out with her. Photo 2 is the optimal way to sit for most of the interaction. Yes, if the conversation does start to get intense, you’ll naturally start to move in a bit like Photo 1, but if you’re facing her like that, it can be awkward to do any physical escalation short of kissing her.

When you do go to kiss her, you’re going to be facing her a bit more like Photo 1, although the guy in this picture is awkwardly far away from her. This is another advantage of the guy in the second photo, he can get really close to the girl without it being too intense. He can start to get physical with her, touching her legs, her hands, etc. If the guy in Photo 1 tries to do this with a girl he doesn’t know too well, it comes out as too intense, even creepy.


Socialkenny says:

Very classic pointers in this post as facing away or shoulder to shoulder which eases tension.Great post.