A raw, visceral fear that has nothing to do with any logic.
There was just something preventing me from walking up to a woman I didn’t know and talking to her.
I hated it. It didn’t make any sense.
But this inhibition was part of something larger, something that bothered me as much as the fact that I couldn’t walk up to a beautiful woman and talk toher.
There were times when I’d meet a great woman through a friend or some other social circle.
And it was always the same story.
Kelly was a struggling actress. Her short, bob haircut fit well with her teasing personality.
“Will you marry me?” she said. Everyone at the table was giggling.
If you met me in person, you would probably characterize me as a cool guy.
Some may even say I’m a “nice” guy.
I will sometimes hold the door for my friends so they can go through first, and I’ll also sometimes do this for women I’m dating.
I’m not really what you’d call an asshole.
But there are very specific reasons why the word “Nice” is being propped up like a tin can so we can shoot holes in it.
Some of the confusion here is semantics.
If you do something really special for your mother on her birthday, many would characterize this as “nice.”
I would characterize this as thoughtful.
I’m not saying you can’t be caring, thoughtful and loving. In fact, these are required and necessary in order to build a positive, mutual relationship.
But being “nice” tends to hold a lot of guys back. It did for me.
One of the best models for looking at relationships with women is Push/Pull.
As you start to get more confident, it starts to happen to you more often.
Women will compliment you.
Sometimes it happens out of the blue, and sometimes it’s after she’s gotten to know you.
Learning to accept compliments takes a bit of practice.
As an introverted guy, you may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed at first. You don’t like to be the center of attention. Try to get comfortable with it.
Knowing what to do can help.
Firstly, when it happens, even though you may feel like it, don’t compliment her back, at least not when she compliments you.
I really like this video because it shows exactly what happens on a date when a tall, good-looking, pro athlete tries to get away with being too nice.
I’m warning you, it’s painful to watch. But there is so much juicy stuff in here, I couldn’t help break down exactly what went wrong.
0:59 He walks in and taps her on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” he says. This is something you say to a stranger. Instead, say “Hey” or “Hi.”
From then on, his body language is TERRIBLE. He can’t stand still.? He’s pacing back and forth the whole time. Notice him do this whenever he’s standing throughout the video.
Approach Anxiety is Part of Something Larger
January 28th, 2011 by 
Eric Disco
Approach Anxiety.
8 Comments »
Another excellent post by my good friend Robbie Kramer from 