What it’s like to be an Attractive Woman
by 
Eric Disco
There’s been a lot of discussion in the comments on this site about what it’s like to be an attractive woman.
It’s been said that they can get away with whatever they want.
There’s an excellent post on reddit.com where someone asks a similar question.
A self described “hot girl” gives a lengthy answer.
Whether you empathize with what she wrote is a moot point.
It’s still a really interesting read about what it’s like for her.
_____________________
An honest answer, whether or not you want to believe me.
I am a “hot chick”.
I will not do anything to verify this, as I am a private person and the only real way would be to post pictures.
Your questions answered, specifically-
Do people treat you differently?
Yes, they treat me like they want to fuck me. It’s okay. Sometimes it grosses me out. Sometimes it is flattering.
I know this is horrible but I get offended if a guy DOESN’T check me out. It’s all just a game of biology, and I’m a good specimen for breeding.
What kind of problems do you face?
You face people giving you attention you don’t want.
That sounds like no big deal unless you realize that about half the human population has weird relationship/personal space issues and it means that men make weird comments, even your relatives and your friends.
It means that you’re never allowed to forget what you look like, and that it is important that you do not change.
The first words out of my dad’s mouth when I see him are whether or not I look like I’ve been working out daily.
Intelligent hot chicks, and if they exist- They do. But they’ve learned to hide it.
People will hate you for being attractive, unless they feel they are smarter than you.
Then they feel better because they have a reason to look down on you.
If you let on that you can compete mentally, then they really dislike you, to the point of pure mean-girl sort of stuff.
Sometimes, if you do try to contribute on any level, people dismiss you immediately. Or they decide they want to try to fuck you more than before.
What it comes down to is that it is less about how attractive you are, and more about how others around you perceive it.
I think that one thing very attractive girls never feel is really accepted.
Because you’re always trying to self-depreciate in one way or another, to make yourself seem less of a threat to other girls, less attractive to those you don’t want to be attractive to, etc.
Is it worse, or better than being average? I’m not sure.
I don’t know who I would be without it, but at the same time, I wonder if anyone around me would like me if I didn’t look this way.
I find no joy in eating, in fact, I secretly hate food. I wish I could have a healthier relationship with it.
I don’t know anyone who is attractive who isn’t hypercritical of themselves naked.
This includes during sex.
It took me years to learn to relax and that the guy wasn’t like “LOOK AT THAT FRECKLE ON HER ASSCHEEK HOW WEIRD”.
I’ve had more than a decade to deal with these things, and sometimes I feel like I am behind other people because I relied on my looks for so long.
I am petrified of getting old and unattractive. That’s a big thing I am working through in therapy right now.
I have moments now where someone comments on my looks and it hits me the wrong way where I have a panicky feeling like I am losing my balance, or am not in control, but those are becoming fewer and far between.
Ironically enough, I look better now than I ever have, and it’s from finally figuring out who I am as a person.
It was just so easy to avoid doing that for so long and still being able to get a positive reaction from the rest of the world.
Any popularity I gained along the way was only a result of people noticing me for the wrong reasons.
I’ve always been very self-contained, did not do the sorority thing like the rest of my friends, do not have facebook, do not do internet dating, do not go out very much.
I try to get out of the house, but I’m really a homebody.
I go to work, but I don’t take seriously anyone who hits on me at work, especially in front of coworkers.
Or even worse, my boss.
I really only trust talking to guys who I meet through mutual interests. It doesn’t always have to happen this way, but it’s nice to know that you have things in common.
I know this wouldn’t seem like a bad thing to guys, but I’ve been scarred repeatedly by sleeping with someone I thought I could trust and then having them brag to the whole world.
The sex thing is like this- I think I trust a guy, he acts like he cares about me too, we have sex, the next day I learn from twelve people (who call me to tell me, because I totally need to know sarcasm) that he texted his closest group of twenty friends to let them all know he finally fucked me.
And that everyone we know knows, and that everyone I don’t even know yet knows.
And that people already have their opinions on it, and anyone who thinks I’m a threat calls me a slut, and anyone who has previously tried to fuck me and I didn’t let them calls me a slut, and everyone else is like AWESOME MAN WAY TO GO like I am only worth being used for one thing, and that is getting a nut and then having it publicized.
It makes you feel like a piece of meat and like you don’t deserve anything out of life but being used.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been betrayed with that sort of thing. How many times I cried over it, and how long it took me to regain the courage to try again with someone new.
That part always really, really hurt.
It lets you have very unhealthy romantic relationships. It’s easy to ignore all other aspects and base it only off how you look.
It’s easy to not learn how to be a good person, or how to treat people the right way. It’s easy to end up alone.
It’s easy to expect help from strangers for no reason.
But dealing with rejection, if these things don’t happen the way you want them to, is really, really hard.
I guess it’s just hard to face reality when you are used to not having to.
I actually tend to go for really smart guys. My dad is a physicist, and he’s one of the only men I trust, and I think it rubs off on who I am attracted to.
I also don’t like guys that are too “hot”- because (I only just now realize how fucked up this is) I like to know that they will always think I am good looking, and part of how I can secure that is to know that I am at least marginally better looking than them.
My current boyfriend judges me for every word, every action, and every little thing that I do. I love him immensely for it.
He’s made me a better person, and more of the person I wanted to be just by making me realize I am accountable for myself and how my life goes.
I fell in love with him because he wouldn’t tolerate bullshit, no matter what I looked like. I really credit him for so much of the change.
Of course, I had to actually institute that change, so I take credit for that. I think many people start to change around the age of 25, anyway.
Maybe it was all a part of that. He makes me act like a decent human being, which is a nice change from most people.
He won’t let me get away with nonsense.
Posted in The Way Girls Think | 
64 Comments »
Quoted for truth: “Women are not out to get you. They are waiting for you to learn how to communicate with them on a deeper, emotional and sexual level. And that comes from strong inner confidence, which you will never have if you go in with a losing mentality from the start.”
I’m an attractive woman (judging by how most men respond to me). Most guys probably label me a b*tch cause I tend to be reserved, down to business, and easily intimidated. The guys that impress me are the ones who find a million and one things to talk about with me (that I genuinely find interesting or we have in common) without ever making me feel like my pretty face is IN THE WAY. Boldness impresses me, and that’s NOT the same as arrogance. It’s bold when you tuck a note in my hand about an awesome concert that you KNOW I like is coming up. It’s arrogant when you boast about going to the concert, and assume that I’m going to waiting for a CHANCE to go with you.
To all the guys who think women only want to assess your sperm quality: LEARN TO COMMUNICATE. Learn to communicate your enthusiasm, your true passions, and what your boundaries are. IME insecure men who can’t communicate end up projecting their bullshit onto you. You know, when they finally “get” you, but realize they’re still not happy because deep down they’re still insecure and unhappy with themselves, so they start putting you down to feel more powerful? You know, cuz afterall, there’s obviously something wrong with you if you’re dating THEM to begin with…. Sorry insecure guys, but I find you tend to mindfuck instead of just communicate directly. You are so used to not getting what you want that you forget to stop “tricking” people into liking you, even when you’re in the relationship!
Things I hope to hear from a communicative man one day: he’s crazy about the same music, finds my eccentricities workable and cute, hasn’t lost respect for me upon learning about all the not-so-pretty stuff that comes with the pretty face (cuz you know, I was born human afterall), and that he honestly sees me as a GOOD FIT into his life (not just around his cock).
This is my two cents. Take what you like and leave the rest.
for anyone who thinks height matters, read this: http://asianuniverse.net/forums/5_4_Wong_Cho_Lam_is_dating_5_9_Leanne_Li_The_relationship_s_t254210.html. The girl he’s dating is Miss Chinese Canada. He’s a troll, but talented. End of story.
I have to admit, after reading this article, I was shocked at the insensitivity of the first comment. This woman obviously has psychological issues from having been born with a body and face deemed attractive by the majority she came across in her life. Despite this, men still argue amongst themselves as to how to attain such a woman.
The point really, is that being hot may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Sure you get things for free, but beauty is a double edged sword. Physical beauty eventually fades; I am sure that at some point, every beautiful man or woman will have to find something beyond their looks to define themselves by. Which, quite honestly, can be hard for them. Part of who we are is influenced by the people around us and how they’ve come to see us as.
I think it’s important to remember that this is just one “hot girl”‘s opinion and experience. There are many attractive women out there; their experiences may not be the same, and therefore, if you do in fact try to pursue an attractive woman, you’d need to use a different tactic for different girls.
In general; however, all women are the same- They are really just looking for someone suitable who genuinely appreciates them for their personality.
Sounds like the kind of girl ‘negs’ work on; sounds like the kind of girl who doesn’t mind sleeping around a bit and like the kind who would not fall for a nice guy, the kind who would not hold her accountable.
Wow! What an enlightening essay! Having never had a conversation with a woman for more than 7 seconds ( supermarket cashier?), I
found it difficult to understand the young lady’s attitude. It sounded
as if she should be a lot happier with her life.
Dear writer, I love your essay. But I noticed: it sounds like your dad is making some really (accidentally) unsupportive comments to you that I think has become internalized to you.
I also am generally considered attractive by the general public, and most of what you explain (having trouble making male friends, inappropriate comments) I also experienced and relate to.
However, my dad almost never mentions how I look at all! (Unless I’m dressed up, and then he just says you look nice). I think part of our male siblings/dad’s role is to teach us how to relate to men, and if your dad is saying things like “You look like you need to work out” on a regular basis, it could make you hypersensitive to thinking that you always need to look perfect. I know it would upset me.
Personally, if I don’t want to be judged by my looks, I will go out without makeup or in sweats, and at least in NYC, that helps.
Also what you said about intelligence and beauty was interesting; I think that if you want to be both intelligent and beautiful, you also have to be outgoing and extremely nice, especially to women: remember birthdays, give thoughtful gifts, always have extra gum or snacks to share. Showing a bit of modesty and emotional vulnerability also helps, so they know you are human too, and have your own challenges. I know, personally, if I’m shy, people think I’m rude or stuckup; but if you are open, reliable and sweet, people gather quickly and love to be friends.
Ms. A. – Why does your suggestion sound just like what psychologists/psychiatrists have told guys to avoid, and that is not to
treat the lady as you would your mother. Open , reliable and sweet is called boring — and for that, the man MUST be punished!
@Dave:
Kinda puts the lie to the idea that women like guys who treat their mother well. It figures…
“Personally, if I don’t want to be judged by my looks, I will go out without makeup…”
I’m not trying to be nasty, but if people only think you’re attractive when you’ve got makeup on, then you’re not naturally good-looking and don’t qualify as ‘hot’.
WOW now i realize everyone should feel attractive, but you know by saying that your SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO attractive is a little egotistical, not everyone is going to like you, people have different tastes. maybe your boyfriend should help you realize that first. I am glad you accept your beauty, but being too confident and making assumptions is completely unnecessary. I do like the part where you say that dumbing yourself down makes other people hate you less because it creates competition in other areas, that is VERY true
“saying that your [sic] SO attractive is a little egotistical [...] being too confident and making assumptions is completely unnecessary.” Trust me, not to put words in this girl’s mouth but MOST women know exactly how attractive they are based off of how other people treat them. More and more studies are showing us that beauty is objective. So this girl probably has a good handle on how attractive she is. And don’t forget, just because someone knows he/she is attractive doesn’t mean she can’t be insecure (as this girl seems). Declaring that she is hot is (most likely) just stating a fact, not pretending that she is above everyone else.
I bet the winning lottery ticket, that I am hotter than you.
This person is just being honest. Whenever someone is honest about being attractive they are labeled as egotistical because our society would rather us self-depreciate. Young girls and grown women sit around complaining about flaws with each other and that is acceptable yet unhealthy.
They should be focusing on the features that make them beautiful, everyone has something that is beautiful about them. The truth is, there are objective characteristics, however, that make one attractive: Clear skin, symmetrical faces and bodies, waist to hip ration of .65-.7, large eyes, small nose, full lips and a small chin are viewed as most attractive.
Many women have some of these traits, but when a woman as most if not all she can never forget what she looks like because she is constantly reminded. There is scientific evidence that when men find a woman very attractive they can’t shift out of the part of their brain that sees a woman as a sexual object and connect with her on an emotional level. When someone is dating a women with average attractiveness then it is more likely he will eventually do so.
Beauty can be a curse in many ways. You may be appreciated from a far, or treated like a score or trophy. It is quite possible to find a man that values someone’s beauty and also the other attributes they have. Good men are out there and good women friends as well. The main difference is these people tend to have a strong sense of self, locus of control, and a healthy self-confidence.
It’s interesting to see how many HOT women have commented on this post, but none of them (including the write of the essay) is able to prove it. XD