“Okay, so I used banter and playfulness to get the girl,” guys ask me, “but at what point can I just relax and let my guard down?”

The short answer: Never.

Look at it this way, when can you stop being a man around women and just be submissive and sexless? Never.

Once you get used to it, maintaining the sexual tension in relationships is actually quite easy and fun?as long as you set it up that way from the start.

Much of relationship management is about not slipping into nice guy mode and instead always remaining a challenge. And a lot of this is done by being fun and playful.

Here are eight ways to maintain that fun, playful tension in relationships.

How much of an asshole can I be? The running joke is that I’m an asshole. I’m not really an asshole, I just play one around women.

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There’s been a lot of discussion in the comments on this site about what it’s like to be an attractive woman.

It’s been said that they can get away with whatever they want.

There’s an excellent post on reddit.com where someone asks a similar question.

A self described “hot girl” gives a lengthy answer.

Whether you empathize with what she wrote is a moot point.

It’s still a really interesting read about what it’s like for her.

_____________________

An honest answer, whether or not you want to believe me.

I am a “hot chick”.

I will not do anything to verify this, as I am a private person and the only real way would be to post pictures. Read the rest of this entry »

In the dark of night in clubs you’ll find them with a look of anticipation in their eyes.

Out over the plains of parks and malls you can hear their sexually frustrated groans.

Over e-mail, text message and even long distance, they exist, but long for the sweet mercy of closure.

Doomed to revolve around her but never get close enough to thrive sexually, they are walking dead of relationships: the dreaded orbiter.

“We went out on a few dates,” my student tells me. “We were out till 3 AM on our first date having drinks. But we didn’t go past hand-holding.”

“Now, after a few dates,” he continues, “she won’t let things go any further sexually. Every time I try to get sexual with her, it never seems to be the right time.”

“The third time we went out, we met up with friends. And she spent a lot of time talking to other guys at the bar,” he says.

An “orbiter” is a guy that a girl keeps around, keeps seeing or talking to in some way, but nothing much sexually ever happens. Read the rest of this entry »