How To Not Be Creepy

by Eric Disco
Nov 24

James__Ryman

I’m walking through the farmer’s market in Union Square Park with my student. It’s packed with people.

He’s practicing initiating interactions by simply asking for an opinion.

He spots a cute girl with her friend moving along the crowded walkway.

He walks up next to her, leans in and, while walking, asks, “Excuse me, miss, do you know if there’s a good sushi restaurant around here?”

She’s immediately creeped out. “No,” she says tersely and turns her back to him. Her and her friends give each other a ‘look’ as they scramble away.

He comes back over to me, visibly shaken. He seems lost in thought. He’s creeped her out and, in turn, I can tell he feels terrible.

I know the feeling. I’ve been there plenty of times myself.

While both men and women experience all forms of social emotions–rejection, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.–to be “creeped out” is an experience almost solely reserved for women.

It’s rare for a guy to get creeped out. Yet, it’s highly likely every guy reading this has had the unfortunate experience of creeping a girl out.

Or maybe you experienced being with a woman friend and a guy creeps her out.

When a woman gets creeped out, she’s reacting viscerally and emotionally.

She is not making a logical decision to be creeped out any more than you make a logical decision to be attracted to a girl. It’s not about her being nice or not nice.

To be creeped out implies that in some way, the girl felt not only disinterested in the guy, but experienced some level of invasiveness.

Women tend to react harshly and strongly when they feel their boundaries are overstepped.

And they tend to experience this far more than men because men tend to be more aggressive than women.

In addition, women generally feel less physically equipped to deal with a possible threat because women on average are physically weaker than men.

It’s not a good feeling when you inadvertently creep out a girl.

So of course, as a guy, it seems important to know: how can I not be creepy? What can I do to avoid creeping girls out?

We could talk about the basics of not being creepy.

  • Don’t crowd her when talking to her.
  • Speak loudly and clearly instead of whispering.
  • Give her some eye contact, but don’t stare her down.

The list goes on.

James_Ryman_2However, there’s something deeper going on here.

Often times, trying to not be creepy could be the worst thing for your game.

How is that possible?

When I was in college, I was best friends with an extremely attractive girl. She would inevitably get hit on by guys and talk to me about it afterward.

One Saturday we were out at a club and she got hit on by a guy. He basically walked up to her and started talking to her. She liked him and later swooned about this guy.

“Oh my god, that guy was so cool!” she said to me as we walked out of the bar.

The next weekend, the same exact thing happened. A guy came up to her and talked to her.

But this guy managed to creep her out.

“Ewwww! That guy was totally creepy!” she said as we walked out of the bar. “Let’s get out of here!”

I didn’t really understand the difference.

It seemed to me that when a guy she liked hit on her, she was into it. But when a guy she didn’t like hit on her, it was ‘creepy.’

I pointed out to her the ill logic of her duality. But of course, it didn’t change a thing.

Me, I was just glad I wasn’t the creepy guy.

I didn’t want to be that guy, the one that women talk about amongst their friends as creepy, the one they socially outcast for having been too sexual.

When I would hang out with my hot girlfriend, I would never make the move, not on her or on other women.

Playing it safe didn’t get me anywhere, but it was somehow comforting to me that I wasn’t that guy. I’m not the asshole. I’m a nice guy.

Every societal message around me encouraged me NOT to take action. Every message piled on the shame of being sexual around women.

How not to be creepy. I was good at that. I was good at muting my sexuality.

I could tell you exactly what you shouldn’t do around women. I could list ten things off the top of my head.

But if asked, there would be no way I could tell you what you should do around women.

In the end, the way to not be creepy is to never take action. Never risk the wrath of a woman, or risk the wrath of those who would group all male sexuality as predatory.

When you take initiative with women, it is impossible to be successful 100% of the time. If you are putting yourself out there, you will inevitably face some rejection.

And you will inevitably creep some women out.

In fact, if you aren’t comfortable taking initiative with women, if you have approach anxiety, you unintentionally will creep women out a lot more in learning how to take initiative with women.

James_Ryman__5You are learning, with your body, what the “rules” are. And when you do break the “rules,” you feel shame.

Shame is that terrible feeling that you did something wrong. That you were inappropriate in some way.

It’s a social emotion, often accompanied by other negative social emotions such as embarrassment or feeling rejected.

Talk to any woman, and she will lay out the “rules” for you. She will tell you how not to be creepy.

Don’t be too sexually aggressive. Don’t get sexual too soon. Don’t treat her like a sex object.

Great rules. But for every rule, there is an instance where a guy who’s really good with women has broken those rules.

He not only broke those rules, but the fact that those rules are there in the first place allows him to win the affections of a woman by breaking the rules.

The fact that we have taboos and things we should or shouldn’t do actually makes it so much more sexual and interesting for a girl when she meets a guy who knows how to break those rules.

A guy who’s great with women is someone who does the wrong thing at the right time.

When you escalate an interaction with women, you will inevitably overstep some boundaries. There’s no way around it.

A guy who’s great with women has made enough mistakes to know the right time to do the wrong thing.

I was in a conversation with an insightful and very beautiful girl and we were talking about guys who are afraid to make the move.

“After it’s established that he’s respectful of me as a person,” she said, “then I want him to be totally disrespectful and hit on me.”

Guys who are shy or have a lot of social anxiety too often ask the question “How do I not be creepy?”

To even ask that question implies they are far too susceptible to the shame of being creepy.

Their fear of being that guy, is, ironically, the main thing keeping them from showing confidence and learning how to be better with women.

When your main aim is to do everything ‘appropriate’–kiss her at the end of the date when it’s appropriate, not tease her for fear of turning her off, only have a conversation with a girl at a speed dating event instead of at the supermarket–you want to ask yourself whether this inclination is serving you.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition

COMMENTS
35 responses
KL says:

“A guy who’s great with women is someone who does the wrong thing at the right time.”

That’s it! Brilliant line. Sums it up perfectly.

I must admit I don’t like this notion that hitting on a girl is being “disrespectful.” I suspect that girl you were referring to is affected by the social conditioning BS that says that expressing sexuality is a bad thing. So she can only think of sex and sexuality with negative connotations. Exactly the thinking that afflicts the Nice Guy, but in a different way.

relentless d says:

As far as physical escalation goes, I see myself constantly erring on the safe side instead of making that bold move at the ideal time. I suppose i really have suppressed my sexuality way to damn much as well.

I’ve got to keep pushing further, find a way to unleash my animalistic side from the cage within. Thanks for the insight.

Do you dare? says:

I agree with you Eric. But I think the problem of 90% of the guys that try to learn “pick up” (or whatever you wanna call it) is they overanalyze things waay too much.

You can’t have answers for every single situation. My advice is stick with your instincts. And I know that sound like “just be your self”.. And you may ask: “What should I do if my instincts are always wrong?”

Work on the basics (body language, fashion and style, ability to have a normal conversation) and take action and risk. Don’t overanalyze it. You creeped a girl out because you’ve asked her politely where the nearest pharmacy is?

Well who cares about her? I honesty don’t give a shit about every girl out there. It may sound like a negative attitude but hey that’s my reality.

Another observation – most of the times the uglier girls will be the ones that give you an attitude because they’ve rejected you (even if you haven’t hit on them at all – just asked a simple question) and that makes them cool! LOL.

So don’t make things more complicated than they are. That’s dating not rocket science. Believe in yourself, think “nothing is a big deal” and take action.

And definitely HAVE FUN ! :)

tido says:

“After it’s established that he’s respectful of me as a person,” she said, “then I want him to be totally disrespectful and hit on me.”

Seems it all comes down to intuition, something which I could perhaps learn hot to trust more.

But this stuff can be confusing, as appearances vs reality differ and without experience guys will not know (I’m still one of them). A little while back when I was more conditioned to take risks (improvisation class); I’ve boldly scanned one of the girls from her head to her toes, then looked back at her eyes. This was not the first time i’ve interacted with her, but it was the first time I’ve showed my sexual desire for her body. What was happening is that we were already paired up, and the women were practice walking backwards, extending their legs and switching weight. I’ve found her long legs, long black hair, and her movement very attractive. The moment absorbed me and I visually fully enjoyed her body movement, and I did not hold back. I doubt anyone eles saw it, as in hindsight it was just between us. Seconds following my tacit communication, we were instructed to try as partners in a close embrace. I do not recall her exact words but the sentence included “I will break your legs and you’ll never dance tango again.” My gut reaction was WTF? In hindsight perhaps I should of stepped it up by saying, “All three of them?”, or perhaps I could of creeped her out. What do you guys think? But I totally kept my cool and we did our practice. But I was confused as to the intensity of her response. I think she actually enjoyed my look, but since women are “required” to put up these false facades, she may have responded the way she did. Now this was the most confident girl I’ve ever met, and this is the same girl which has asked me for my contact following a few more classes but never followed through. She may have already liked me prior to the tacit interaction, I don’t know. But I think the fact that I had the balls to show my sexual desire for her body, made her like me even more, even though her oral response said the opposite. Now I know why guys say listen to her body not the words she speaks. She also amped the tension between us during other classes, but I was the respectful, confused nice guy, ohh and I did not want my legs broken, :) . lol. She’s a cool girl!

tido says:

Guess there is no way to edit comments.. hmm…

“All three of them?”, or perhaps I could of creeped her out.

should ream

“All three of them?”, or perhaps that would of creeped her out.

Eric Disco says:

I agree with you Eric. But I think the problem of 90% of the guys that try to learn “pick up” (or whatever you wanna call it) is they overanalyze things waay too much.

You can’t have answers for every single situation. My advice is stick with your instincts. And I know that sound like “just be your self”.. And you may ask: “What should I do if my instincts are always wrong?”

Work on the basics (body language, fashion and style, ability to have a normal conversation) and take action and risk.

I hear people–particularly naturals or guys who subscribe to naturals’ teachings–say that you shouldn’t “learn skills” or that the community makes guy overanalyze. This is true in a sense. But then in offering alternatives, they usually tell people things like: work on body language, develop a lifestyle or build up your social circle.

Even those things are ‘skills.’

You can walk up to a girl and talk to her. As you do this, you can think about how you’re doing it. You can think about what you’re going to say next. What worked in the last interaction. How you’re going to get her home. You can be taking mental notes in your head about what worked and didn’t’ work with this girl so that you can do it again with her and with other girls. You can inspect her closely to see if she’s responding the way you want her to respond, if you should be more challenging or more vulnerable, if you should use this scripted routine or sexually escalate in one way or another.

Or you can simply enjoy yourself.

You can simply be in the moment and let whatever comes to you just come to you. You can not worry about what you’re going to say next or where the interaction is going. You can simply listen to what she’s saying without planning what to say next.

Neither of these two states is the “correct” state per se.

One is analysis (thought-oriented) and the other is being in the moment (body oriented).

No matter how you’re improving yourself, it will take some analysis, thought, learning and practice. Naturals can be “in the moment” because they’ve been working on their skills for years and those skills are now second nature. There is a lot of value, in not over-analyzing and being in the moment.

If you are too thought-oriented all the time, you end up as too analytical. If you are too body oriented all the time, it’s difficult analyze what you’re doing wrong or right and make conscious decisions to change it.

It’s good to switch up and practice being in these different states at different times. For example, you can go out and really focus on improving a skill. Maybe you are trying to get better with banter. You may decide to memorize a banter line and try it out. Or you may decide to take an improv course or get coaching and learn the underlying structure of banter so you can come up with it on your own.

Either way, you are making a conscious effort to use banter while you’re talking with women. You are thinking about it while in conversation. You won’t be entirely in the moment.

That’s okay. The more you practice it, the better you get at it until eventually you don’t need to think about it. It just comes to you. Then you can be more in the moment.

Alternatively, if you are getting really bogged down with learning new skills and trying to get results, you may be putting too much pressure on yourself and not enjoying yourself enough. In that case, stop worrying about what you’re doing for a while and go out and just try to have fun. Use the skills you already have and just try to be in the moment. Try new things out. Fuck things up. Have some fun without worrying about learning anything new.

Both these strategies can work to help you improve.

Eric

aqueeridea says:

Go to a gay bar and men will hit on you. It will creep you out.

I remember the first time it happened to me (wasn’t in a gay bar but was in a club in a very gay area of the city), and I thought “oh shit… this is how chicks must feel.” They get sexual pretty quick, but I guess that’s a screening mechanism.

Get in set first and be friendly, and then amp it up (quickly, like within 10-15 minutes). you won’t full on creep her out but you will be politely rejected (and/or successful, of course). just think of it like if a gay guy came up to you in the bar and was talking to you about football or the Hangover or something, all buddy-buddy. then he’d spring the gay on you, and you’d be like “oh no i dont swing that way” but you wouldn’t be COMPLETELY weirded out by it, if at all.

unless you’re a raging homophobe, then i got nothin.

Do you dare? says:

Fantastic reply, Eric. I agree again and I can see you know your stuff well.

In short because I don’t have much time – IMHO one must analyze to learn BUT must be careful what exactly is analyzing.

Don’t think all day long about LMR, Transition or whatever.. Instead overanalyze your fashion, grooming, and appearance (fitness?) in general because that matters a lot!

Then overanalyze your body language and ability to have a normal conversation. All these things are the basics (credit Sinn) and they may sound boring to many people but if you master them you will look (be?) cool. Then you won’t need so much analyzing on the little things.

Think about the famous 80/20 rule.

Also I am not against routines, I even recommend them for beginners. But your goal should be the Basics and after that you can build on top of them. But even if you don’t learn beyond the Basics you shouldn’t have problems getting laid, ever.

It’s not that hard really. It can take a while but as it is usually with everything important. Plus the benefits to be skillful in that area are so sweet..

Thanks :)

swgr says:

I think the best way to define creepy is how I heard Cory Skyy describe it. He says you come off as creepy when meeting women when you’re outcome oriented. They sense your desperation when you talk that you’d do anything to have them. I guess that’s a red flag for most women.

Of course that’s easier said then done because for a guy like Cory who’s had his fair share of women and more than likely never has the problem of coming off as creepy, is never really “outcome oriented”. Me personally, I’ve always felt like I’m an extremely passionate guy. And when I meet a woman that I’m really into, my passion grows and grows the more I get to know about her and realize how great she really is. That’s a problem for me because I generally go out with women who I know are attracted to me but usually turn them off this way. It’s really the hardest thing to do to not show as much enthusiasm for the girl you’re becoming so enthralled with. So anyway wanted to put my 2cents. Great post but somehow seems unfinished???? Eric how do you advice guys like me that wear their heart on their sleeve to keep their emotions more on check when meeting a girl they’re really into? Appreciate the post and I hope I wasn’t too confusing with my question..

P.S. Just to throw it out there; this is a huuuuge problem for me because I’m 24 and have never had a relationship with a girl I’m really into. Just casual sex with women I’ve met and was physically into at first but then found no emotional chemistry when I got to know them. It seems to me I haven’t been able to find a girlfriend because of this problem of me coming off as creepy and it’s something I have to work on. Thanks for the post…much needed pointers that I had yet to discover.

Cameron says:

“Every societal message around me encouraged me NOT to take action. Every message piled on the shame of being sexual around women.

How not to be creepy. I was good at that. I was good at muting my sexuality.”

Thanks for writing this Eric, I feel strongly about this. Its so weird in our society…sex is everywhere, on billboards, in every advert, in every move, in everyones thoughts.

But no one wants to admit it: Yes, I want to have sex, Yes, I am a sexual being.

Why are they no romances anymore? Why is every movie so fucking violent?

Im proud to be one of the men who says yes to expressing their sexuality.

YAT says:

Beautiful post.

The answer to the question “how not to be creepy” is simply care less about the shame of being that creepy guy.

A bit disappointing at first, but eventually i can collect the logical value of this post. turned my head into another direction.

Thanks alot!

Cameron says:

Tido,

thanks for sharing that with us.

You know, your exactly right, you DO need to trust your intuition more, most men do.

It comes down to the masculine way to communicate versus the feminine way of communicating.

The masculine way of communicating is to ask, if I want you to go for a beer with me, I say “hey tido, would you like to go for a drink with me?”. Thats the masculine, strong, direct, powerful.

But the feminine way of communicating is NOT to ask for what you want. Its to SHOW what you want with your tone, eyes or touch.

Thats how women show their sexual attraction, with their bodies, and if you can read that then you will be a LADYKILLER!

Its like you said, all about intuition. Practice makes perfect. Thats all I’ve got just now.

Wesno says:

I am reminded of 60′s method. He published a 40-page PDF a few years back summarizing a day game method that is remarkably simple.

He suggests that we WANT the label “creepy.” Creepy simply means you are overstepping the boundaries society placed upon you; the boundaries meant to keep you from fertilizing the precious innocent women. If you are high enough up on the value totem pole, your boundaries are smaller, and so you become handsome rather than creepy.

A timid man with mediocre looks (low value) will receive a response of “creepy!” when a confident outspoken man with a toned body and symmetric face (high value) will receive a warm reply for performing the exact same action.

Since different girls will have different boundaries, you MUST risk creepy. The only way to be successful as a man is to risk creepy.

You know your value, do not let others decide it for you.

Cameron says:

So what you’re really saying is that we must risk being perceived as creepy in order to get somewhere. This is true.

And yes, creepy is in the eye of the beholder. Confident guys can get away with saying lines that less confident guys cannot.

But: we really DONT want the label creepy, its never a good thing.

Jake says:

Its all about context.

I heard this explained pretty well….take Bill Clinton and JFK vs. Richard Nixon. If Richard Nixon (before Watergate) had been doing an intern in the White house the feminists and women’s groups would have been all over him and he would have been labeled a creep beyond reproach.

Now Bill Clinton and JFK were on the race for women in the White house to the point where they had affairs with interns, aides,ect…

Do women on a mass scale consider Clinton or JFK creepy? Some might but on the whole NO…they love those guys.

It has to do with male value in the woman’s eyes…if a guy is younger and good looking and ogles a young lady, she is probably flattered most of the time, if some ugly or older guy with a receding hairline and belly does then he is considered a creep…Who has more value to the woman? Well from a passive attraction stand point the younger guy does unless the older guy is known to have social status, money and stuff..

Creepy is in the eye of the beholder…it’s sick but true…

tido says:

When you escalate an interaction with women, you will inevitably overstep some boundaries. There’s no way around it.

Many great points in these comments. As I understand it, guys who are labeled to have more value in society have more options, and also their actions are more accepted even if creepy. But again a girl would be more likely to be attracted to a high value guy because of his behaviour, and therefore it would no longer be creepy. But there seems to be a large level of shallowness in some of the comments above, more money/better looks = more value. What about the value of offering connection with a girl, making her feel sexy, etc. Or am I living in a fantasy world here, :) .

Jake says:

@Tido – you are right. There is alot of shallowness in various comments including mine. I believe there are a number of reasons for that.

Why is that? Its because its a shallow world. Yes there is connections but in reality its a pretty shallow world. Women want tall good looking men. Women want rich men. Its time tested. Women like power and dominance. Its sexy to them. PUA tries to teach that you can over come this via game and so forth. I have not found that but I hold out hope for something. It might exist for a select few but for the ordinary guy I really wonder…

What I find funny is when guys will say “what about those ugly guys I see with hot women” well lets pull apart the onion here. First, that guy might be wealthy and have dominance via social value. Two, usually these guys are taller than average and that is a natural aphrodisiac in its own right. Three, she might have dated 10 good looking jerks before and decided that she can only take so much abuse. Four, she is into substance abuse and he is here supplier or enabler (don’t laugh this happens alot in urban areas). Five, there could just be good timing on his part. She was single. they somehow met and they have stuff in common – ie the connection – the Hollywood fantasy.

So its possible but overall its about social value. Its not pretty out there. Most guys are lucky just to get the scraps including myself. Interesting stuff.

tido says:

Do you need to be approved by society to have social value? Why can’t you act like you have value, confident, excited, passionate. I think following one’s passion for example, will make a guy very, very attractive to a girl. Probably way more than some guy who is rich, good looking, but has no passion. And if she’s not interested, great, because frankly I don’t think shallow girls will be very interesting to spend time with, cause their probably boring, just as shallow guys. They can go ahead and be boring together.

But it’s like we’re looking for approval from society. But I don’t think that’s how it works, it all has to be earned. Yes, some are more fortunate due to circumstances than others. But if society thus far said you don’t have value because you’re not tall enough, you don’t have enough money, you’re ugy…. well fuck em. Assume you got it, who’s to say otherwise? Society? Who’s to say their right?

Jake says:

No not approval per say. Its more about social norms. The “norms” or normal averages in our society today says a woman should be thin, a guy should be tall and people need to make money to survive.

In other societies its different and times too. In the baroque and Elizabethain times (1500-1600′s) Rubenesque women (chubby) were considered hot. Why? well food was scare and thin was the norm so men though chubby women looked healthy and sexy. In India, its kind of the same. So many people starve that women with a little meat on their bones (not a lot but a little) are considered sexier.

Ironically they are not right nor wrong, its just the social norms by western standards. We are fed this stuff by the media and even though you and I do not care for it, unfortunately tons of women do. Tons. Look at Sex In the City. Women watch that show like they are in a church service. They fantasize about being Carrie Bradshaw and dating Mr. Big. It sucks but they do.

Plus they like to show off their boyfriends to their friends, family -b”hey look I scored the hot tennis instructor” or “hey look I am dating this really hot and tall hunky business man.” Chicks dream of doing that its what the PUA Sinn calls the “Disney Fairytale.”

Jake says:

Here is a good article on Sex In The City:

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2008/11/24/the_sex_and_the_city_cultural_effect

I thought it was pretty candid and explains how women can be swayed to a degree by a show. Reflects on societal norms and value/values.

tido says:

Interesting article, and I agree with that we are fed lots of media which influences how we think we’d like to live our lives. There is pressure to fit the mould, but we’re all smart enough here to know this mould is not realistic for the most part. Look around society, does every girl look like a supermodel, does every guy have tons of money and is handsome. NO! Media try’s to sell us B.S. and many of us accept it without question. But I still believe that girls are not attracted not to this illusion of what they see on tv (jeeze why would anyone even bother, it does not exist).

It comes down to accepting that you already have value, aside from what societies norms tell us. Because what their feeding us is a bunch of BS to begin with. If you know you already have value, you act like you have value, your confident in being you. How could that be unattractive? If you behave like you have value, girls will believe that too.

I should probably walk the talk more myself, and take my own advice. :)

Cameron says:

Jake, I think its a shame your so cynical…..the way you talk it makes me wonder if you have spent much time with women recently.

Women are dreamers, women love fantasy, women love romance, women love their feelings, women are sweet. :-)

Theres truly more to getting women than being tall and having “high-value”.

Carl888 says:

Cameron, as always you’re unnerving those who just want to publicly indulge in a little self-pitying. I love all your comments.

tido says:

Cameron, as always you’re unnerving those who just want to publicly indulge in a little self-pitying. I love all your comments.

Hmm.. Jake I did find your comments a little jaded, and did not want to point that out, but the guys here are bringing up some truthful comments. Best of luck dude!

Jake says:

@Cameron. Yes I am a big jaded. I have been through a very long time of lack of success and when I have had relationships, the women have either stolen things from me or its just been a real mess.

Yes women are dreamers, women love fantasy, women love romance, women love their feelings and women love being selfish, women love dumping good men in favor of bad men, women love themselves with their egos. Its all about them and what value they can extract from a guy. Sorry its true.

I still believe there is hope but its tough. Its really tough.

Kevin says:

This is a subject very near and dear to my heart. Mostly because I sort of recently gotten over it.

I’ve just stopped worrying about it. If I go up and start a conversation with a woman, and she acts all creeped out, then she’s the one with the attitude problem, not me or anyone else.

The guy asking about the sushi place in your example didn’t do a damn thing wrong. Doesn’t it sound ridiculous that he feels bad for simply asking for a sushi place? It’s not like he just went up and slapped their ass or something.

Any guy who’s worried about creeping a woman out, just ask this question to yourself. Why should I feel bad about being myself? The answer, you shouldn’t.

Cameron says:

Jake,

You have to give up playing the victim and being right in order to get somewhere in life.

Its a shame but the world will never devote itself to making you happy.

One of the key steps to over coming approach anxiety is to desensitize oneself to that stomach drenching feeling of coming off creepy to a girl. She thought you were creepy because her brain is the size of a hamster’s, disengage from the result of failed pick ups and keep hammering away.

Also, try negging or disqualifying. Ross Jeffries wrote a great article about how the same approach can come off as creepy one way but engaging in a different way. he had one of his students ask women if he could sketch them, which presumably didn’t have much of a success rate. Then, instead, the student simply started sitting down next to his targets (this approach is usually used on 2 females) and simply started sketching. After about 5 minutes or so, he would come up to the girls and tell them that he was sketching them and asked if they could stop moving because they kept messing up the sketch. The success rate with this approach was much higher. The student did something the women did not expect, and rather than asking for permission to speak to them (which is essentially what most approaches are in the beginning) he told them THEY were the ones that were messing up, thus disqualifying them first.

I just gotta say I love these comments. I subscribe to the Jon Lajoie method when it comes to creepy.

Setup your life to model this guy, you will have so many women you won’t know what to do with yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15S0g8pG6HU

And also, great post Eric. You always do the best job of recreating the emotional experiences that we all go through during this process. Just by reading this post, we get to re-live our past experiences of feeling shame and embarrassment.

The more willing we are to experience shame and embarrassment, the faster we will grow and the more powerful we will become.

Kamen says:

very interesting post.
As i was reading, i thought of something that happens very often by me.
I am not exactly creeping the girls out , but sometimes when i approach a girl it seems, that she is a little scared.
It is because i am very nervous and serious and i look strained like a criminal i suppose.
Does it happen to someone else and how you manage it, thank you

Rems says:

About creeping guys out!

Actually, There’s a situation when guys feel creeped out:

When a guy tries to hit on them! :)

Rems says:

I like very much what you wrote Robbie and I am absolutely agreeing with it:

“The more willing we are to experience shame and embarrassment, the faster we will grow and the more powerful we will become.”

I would like to add on this statement that it’s not just about shame and embarrassment but it’s about all emotions we can have whether they are comfortable or not.

Life is about experiencing emotions to the fullest because all your emotions are relevant. You cannot ignore them. If you do, they will stay inside of you until you deal with them. Emotions are warn signs that say hey! I like this or I don’t like this. When you ignore them you ignore your true self and that is destructive in the long run.

OK nuff’ said on this. I don’t want to give a course on emotions.

In a nutshell, just remember to allow yourself to feel all your emotions and go for what you want!

P.S. Acceptance is key!

Thanks Rem, you are right and I think a lot of guys out there could really benefit from your “course on emotions.” It’s the common piece that is really missing from most pickup training.

AWESOME says:

were did you get those pics?

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