Things work out between you and a girl, and all of a sudden it feels like you’re part of the “get’s it” crowd.
The stink of desperation washes off of you like a hot shower.
And, conversely, there’s nothing quite like a dry spell to whither your confidence.
Even though you may be holding it together on the outside, on the inside you’re shriveling, dying for the touch of a woman.
Even though you may have perfectly good reasons why you’re going through a dry spell–you’re getting out of a relationship, you’re raising your standards, you’re challenging yourself in a different way–something is still eating away at your soul:
You wonder whether you still “have it.” Whether women are really attracted to you.
Whether there’s something inherently wrong with you.
As I talked about in my last post, it’s even possible you’re on the right track. You’re making progress in a good way. The hunger is driving you.
Sure, you may be able to go without the success you’re looking for as you challenge yourself in a new way, but if things are crumbling on the inside, it won’t be long before you’re confidence collapses like a house of cards.
This is a rough game. When you aren’t approaching anyone, it’s easy to lie to yourself and keep your ego from being shattered.
But when you’re out there grinding away, continually pushing up against your limits, your ego is exposed.
The constant inevitable rejections that go along with this game smash up against your self-worth.
Success comes if you keep going. It’s all about longevity.
It’s the people who stay in the game and keep working at it who make the most progress.
But success may not be coming fast enough for you.
So what can be done to lift your withered spirits?
Firstly, stop fighting it. You’re getting all these negative thoughts in your head. And you keep pushing them away.
A thought pops into your head. “There’s something wrong with me.” You push it away. “No, I’m fine,” you tell yourself.
But that thought doesn’t go away. It sits there in the back of your mind like a cancer infecting everything else.
Instead of pushing that thought away, accept it. Verbalize it. “There’s something wrong with me.” Notice that thought.
Get out a piece of paper and write down this thought.
While you’re at it, write down as many other negative thoughts you can think of.
“I’m not good at this.”
“I’m a loser.”
“I’ll never meet someone I like.”
“Only fucked up women are into me.”
Next, fold up that piece of paper, put it in your pocket, and go out and try to meet women. Walk around. Check women out. Notice what thoughts pop into your head.
“My life isn’t interesting enough for her.”
“I’m not hot enough to talk to her.”
“I couldn’t keep her happy.”
“Even if I got her number, she would flake on me.”
“I’m old and past my prime.”
Write these thoughts down on your paper.
Even just noticing these thoughts can actually make you start to feel better. Because you aren’t wrestling with these thoughts anymore.
But you can take this one step further. You can make affirmations out of these thoughts.
Simply flip them around and make them positive.
“I’m not good at this.” –> “I’m awesome at this.”
“I’m a loser.” –> “I’m a winner.”
“I’m desperate.” –> “I’m cocky and confident.” (You don’t want to make affirmations in the negative, i.e. I’m NOT desperate. Rather, change it to the positive. Look up antonyms in a thesaurus if you have to.)
“I’ll never meet someone I like.” –> “I’m going to meet all the women I want.”
“Only fucked up women are into me.” –>”Beautiful and amazing women are into me.”
“My life isn’t interesting enough for her.” –> “I have an amazing and interesting life.”
“I’m not hot enough to talk to her.” –> “I am very attractive to women.”
“I couldn’t keep her happy.” –> “Women love to be with me.”
“Even if I got her number, she would flake on me.” –> “Women want to see me as much as possible.”
“I’m old and past my prime.” –> “The older I get, the sexier I become.”
As I’ve talked about in earlier posts on affirmations, you can take the new affirmations and do them in the mirror every morning.
You can even memorize these affirmations and say them to yourself as you walk around.
(Cory Skyy is the guy who originally turned me on to affirmations and his Magnetic Mindset program gives some excellent ways to do that.)
Once you begin to notice and accept those negative thoughts, and reaffirm your own confidence, a pressure is released.
The affirmations may take time to work, but a solid inner game is the best gift you can possibly give yourself.
The way affirmations make you feel is a reward in and of itself, not to mention the success that comes pouring in after it.