You Have the Girl of Your Dreams. Now What?

by Eric Disco
Sep 8


It’s been said that if you have an interesting enough life, that you almost don’t need any pickup skills.

I don’t totally agree with that. If you are completely unable to take initiative, you’ll be debilitated in any environment.

But in some ways it still holds true.

You attract people into your life by your passions and interests. In many ways, it’s what you do that attracts people into your life, not who you are.

Ever have a friend who just always had something fun planned? He’s the go-to guy when you want to have fun.

Being that guy should be your objective. You want to be the expert in finding fun things to do.

Going out regularly with the objective to improve your skills is important, but if that’s all you’re doing, your life will quickly become vapid.

If you’re doing fun things, you can always invite someone along, however scary it may be at first.

Instead of giving you specific tips about what you should be doing for fun, here’s a thought experiment for you.

Let’s say you already had the woman of your dreams (or multiple women, whatever you’re looking for). She was yours and madly in love with you.

What would you do now? What kind of activities would you engage in if you weren’t worried about meeting women?

Start to engage in those activities now!

andyh.cgsociety.org2You can even take this one step further and pretend you’d conquered all of your dreams.

What if you were a billionaire? What if you had written the perfect album, or the great American novel?

What kind of things would you do for fun? What hobbies and interests would you take up?

Share it in the comments!

One of the most worthwhile lessons I’ve learned in achieving many of my dreams is that it doesn’t make life complete. It just shows me that exactly what I have: the moment right in front of me.

Having ambition is important. It’s what drives me. Doing creative things is what gets me out of bed in the morning.

But I often have to remind myself to enjoy this moment right in front of me because it’s the only one I know I have for sure.


posted in Self-Improvement Strategies, Social Circle

26 responses
Richard P says:

I would busk (playing guitar for money) on the streets of Europe, playing and singing classic American Rock n’ Roll.

Rems says:

I would climb unknown mountains and hope I survive the trip! Every morning I would meditate. And I would have no choice but to be in the moment!

Northern says:

I would buy an acre of land and create.

Plant vegetables, keep chickens, goats, ducks etc…Spend years building a little small holding completely off grid, own water, own electricity.

Be completely free.

Nonstop says:

I would live in various countries and learn their languages, mainly Mandarin and Russian. At the same time I would spend more time training martial arts.

Rham says:

This is really foreign to me. The girl of my dreams? hell I still have problems just getting dates period. I have on clue at all on this one.

Eric Disco says:

This is really foreign to me. The girl of my dreams? hell I still have problems just getting dates period. I have on clue at all on this one.

This is exactly what this exercise is for. Of course you want the girl of your dreams. But are you able to put that feeling aside and imagine what you would do if you had her? Because if you don’t have any kind of life, if you don’t do anything interesting and fun, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to get that girl.

Likewise, if you are doing what you love, having fun all the time, it will be much easier to find that girl. And then you can bring her into your life instead of hoping SHE will make your life interesting.


Cameron says:

Wow, great point Eric!

joe says:

I had a realization recently how much money i spend clubbing and how that could be spent on life experiences instead. So i signed up for acrobatics classes and ballroom dancing… i am 21 and i can almost guarantee you that no guy my age is learning to ballroom dance. But i want to be that guy who has the skills that most people do not, i want to be the most interesting man in the world.

Not only am i learning new skills in these classes, but these classes consist of mostly women and i am like a celebrity in these classes, so im telling you guys go out and learn new skills, join new classes, and meet new people… you won’t regret it.

Thanks, Eric for all the information you have shared with me over the years, it has really brought me to a stage in my life where i look into why i am trying to do what i do with women.

thanks again,

Eric Disco says:

Great words of advice, Joe. And I really appreciate the feedback!


Mike says:

I am doing aerial classes too–good stuff!

I do think one thing we guys have to balance, though, is doing cool things that we would benefit from doing, versus doing things that we think (perhaps rightfully so) will impress women. A guy could end up spending his days taking yoga, pilates and ballroom dancing and even though those are all worthwhile hobbies (yoga and pilates are definitely tough workouts even though they are like 80% women), the guy doing this could end up regressing with women in that all the girls he meets doing these things become his “friends”. Especially if he is low on masculinity to begin with… (Doesn’t this apply to most of the guys who come into The Community?)

Anyway, that guy probably would benefit by also doing something where he is competing with and growing with other men, such as joining a sports league or doing Crossfit or even learning to surf. Think about it: Firemen, guys in the military and in law enforcement are sought after by a lot of women, including those who religiously go to yoga and shop at Lululemon when they are done.

Then again, that was, I think, the point of what Eric wrote. Eric, I really appreciate your writing this blog–I am getting so much out of reading it!

zell says:

You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it.

Axel says:

I think that when you’re an artist like myself, you’re never done. There’s always the next work waiting to be added to your production.

If I had the perfect girl.. I’d be very happy and thus my creativity would deminish dramatically. So I’d probably just do a lot of travelling to friends and concerts and do things that don’t demand the same level of creativity. I’d probably play drums or sing in a cover band and the like. And I’d probably be eager to have as much sex and as good sex as possible with this girl!

Come to think of it, I might do a lot of volunteer work for charity and for the neighbourhood and such. I might get a job in health care, as my country’s health care is in dire need of male personell for heavy lifting and handling unstable people.

Cman says:

Great post Eric! This is all about building a better lives for ourselves. Women are not an end, they are a means to an end. Finding a great woman (or women) to share a date with, or to share your life with, enhances your life. But life is not all about women, it’s about growing and building the life we want to inhabit and be a part of.

I agree with Mike, we have to be careful not to try to do hobbies that we are doing because we “should” be great ballroom dancers or yoga gurus. If you have a passion to be an awesome dancer and to be unique for that ability, that’s cool. I know I don’t like ballroom dancing though :o) I’m trying to build the courage to learn hip hop or breakdancing these days though. Sometimes approaching a new class can have almost as much anxiety as approaching a hot girl! Will the class like me? What if I suck more than anyone in the class? etc.

What’s your take Eric? Is it better to sometimes learn things that girls might appreciate more (e.g. salsa) that you know you won’t enjoy or get involved in things that you enjoy doing yourself (e.g. even if it’s playing chess in a club)?

Eric Disco says:

Is it better to sometimes learn things that girls might appreciate more (e.g. salsa) that you know you won’t enjoy or get involved in things that you enjoy doing yourself (e.g. even if it’s playing chess in a club)?

Ultimately you want to be doing what you want to do, regardless of whether you’ll meet women while doing it. Your passion should be the most important thing to you. In fact, that’s the beauty of being able to meet women anytime anywhere: you don’t need to do these things simply so that you’ll meet women. If I want to become a guitarist, I’ll do it because that’s what I want to do, not because women are attracted to guitarists.

That being said, there’s enough time in your life for more than one interest. If you want to have a well-rounded and enjoyable life, you should be doing some activities casually. It’s these activities that you want to think about choosing ones that are more social and more likely to not be secluded to all-male activities.

And there’s usually a reason why those activities are all-male. A lot of them are very cerebral or nerdy and don’t really include a more holistic, social, or body-oriented approach. Sometimes more female-oriented activities can add a great dimension to your life.


Boris says:

I myself have a lot of activities which I all love to do: Flamenco guitar, drawing/painting, road cycling. I am indeed living my dream when I am perform any of these activities. If I were a millionaire I would still be performing them all.

The problem with all fore mentioned activities is that they indeed lack the social element you talk about. They are all individual activities. I am not able to inject the more social activities you talk about into my life, as it would result in partially giving up one of the activities I love. Besides, I wouldn’t know any activity I would like to do as often.

I see this as a serious problem, because with this lifestyle I have never had and will never be able to have success with women.

Axel says:

Play Flamenco guitar live at a club or at a party, preferably in a place with lots of girls.
Take painting classes, preferably with lots of girls.
Go cycling on roads where there’s lots of girls.

Problem solved! What’s for dinner?

Eric Disco says:

Play Flamenco guitar live at a club or at a party, preferably in a place with lots of girls.
Take painting classes, preferably with lots of girls.
Go cycling on roads where there’s lots of girls.

Problem solved! What’s for dinner?

Love it! That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

For most activities, you can find some way to make it more social.


Boris says:

Well, cycling doesn’t really work that way. Although I do ride with a club weekly where are some girls, so that would be only slightly beneficial. Still you are spending most time focussed on racing. And I suck too much at guitar at this moment for a public performance.

I like the painting class idea. Didn’t really think I’d ever need one :p now it turns out I do. I will certainly look into that when I got the cash. (lol, also just graduated and no job or new school for upcoming year so that also doesn’t really help me either :p)

What’s up with girls liking guitarist by the way? Even if they are really bad players?

wingman says:

Great post, Eric!

Lifestyle is VERY important. It’s not about honing in on your skills. It’s about pursuing your passions and interests, while meeting people who happen to share similar interests with you.

Going to things like culture classes, or wine classes are great ways to expand your interests – not to mention that most of these classes are made up of women (60-75%).

Passion is sexy. And even if women aren’t your objective, it’ll make your life more fulfilling.

Axel says:

Boris, if you can play giutar it means you have a skill and a talent, and chicks dig that because it means you’re not just some other boring dude.

Anyway, as far as cycling goes, why not take your bike out for a quiet spin in the neighbourhood and see what’s what? There might be girls out and about, ya know! If your bike is some sort of spastic race bike that isn’t suitable for cruising about, then you could get some random shithouse bike that’ll get you around.
Hey, if you run into any chicks while you’re out on the bike, just say you’re out cruising for chicas 8-)

Dude, can you play songs yet on the guitar? If you can, then fucking get out there and have fun with it! Best way to learn too, ya know! :)

Boris says:

Thanks for your reply, Axel. I appreciate it.

I live in the netherlands and practically every single person here uses a bicycle to get around town. This almost completely rules out the possibility of the cycling being an activity which they like. It’s just a way to get around, just like walking. nobody interacts socially with each other in the context of cycling. A lot of people even hate it. I myself love bicycle racing; this is totally different. The thing I love is pumping my legs at high speed until I die. You could compare it with walking to get to the grocery store and running for exercise: two totally different things.

And as for guitar, like I mentioned before I am really not proficient enough to perform for other people. I don’t really have a variety of arrangements I can play, still working on that. Besides, I often make mistakes when I know people are listening.

uyt;li, says:

It’s time guys got serious about life and our crumbling society and stop worrying so much a bout appearing “fun”. It’s fuckin’ stupid.

Axel says:

Boris, ok I see. but you should still just try to get out there. Take guitar classes, take painting classes, become the guy who introduces the concept of social interaction whilst on bikes to Holland, etc. :)

This is why every one needs to have a purpose and dream for their life, if you have something great that you are working to wards you will never be bored or unhappy…

geek says:

@Boris: strap the guitar on your back. Walk to the nearest park. Find a relatively secluded spot and practice. If/when you get a chance to open a woman, you (honestly) tell her that you don’t feel comfortable playing in public, so playing in the park is a way to gain confidence. She’ll respond to you owning up to the anxiety about playing in public.

BrohamUK says:

Play semi-pro ball this upcoming season (summer 2011). Football twice a month

I take salsa lessons and have bad beat for a black dude lol. But Im getting better.

For fun I outgrow clubs so me and my lads just karaoke and hit up ritzy lounges.

Church of course.

@geek- good advice about the guitar. I want to try that. I am going to try that I should say