A good friend of mine, also a dating coach, relays a great story about game.
In learning game, guys with social anxiety often feel like they’re doing something surreptitious.
They feel that they’re not being honest or above-board just because they’re not being dopey and buying girls gifts or asking them out on a dinner dates.
But this is nothing.
I’m sitting in a bar with Nataly, a gorgeous, successful Ukrainian woman who owns her own business.
It’s our second date and I start talking about game with her. I do this with all the girls I’m seeing.
We look over at the booth next to us. A couple is on a date.
“Is she interested in him?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she says.
“How do you know?” I ask her. “What are the signs?”
Nataly starts saying the common stuff. She points out that the girl is leaning into the guy. She points out the hair-flipping and that the girl is punctuating the conversation with touch.
“We teach men to notice a lot of this stuff,” I say.
“That’s interesting,” she says, “and I can see the value in learning this. But you have not seen game like the kind of game that goes on in my country.”
“How so?” I say.
Nataly continues. “The number of successful, available men in Ukraine is very small. And many of these men are physically abusive. Because of this, there is a crazy competition among women to find good men.”
Nataly is right. I can attest to this.
When I was in St Petersburg, I saw how women dress. No matter what time of day, no woman is dressed comfortably unless she is in her late fifties.
All women are wearing heels, short skirts, perfect make-up and chest propped up and exposed. They are essentially dressing sexy in everyday life–much more than anything you see in the US.
In Russia and the Ukraine, the ratio of women to men is high, such that there are a lot more women than men.
On top of that, the alcoholism rate for men is much higher than for women.
The common plight for women is to marry a man who fulfills his Ukrainian destiny of alcoholism and spousal abuse.
It’s a very unhealthy environment for women.
Nataly tells me that she and her friends often go to exclusive upscale bars and lounges frequented by successful businessmen and socialites.
She describes to me some of the ways that men approach women.
A man in a nice suit will walk over to a woman and say “Can I have your number?”
They have no game. And it’s something women will actually consider because it’s so hard to meet decent men.
This man is a friend of a friend, a successful businessman who lives abroad. He lives on one of the Greek islands.
He’s coming into town and he’s going to be at a dinner party where all of these friends of hers are in a large group. She’ll get a brief chance to meet him.
But she doesn’t know much more than that.
So she hires a private investigator.
The private investigator starts to dig up this man’s history. He gathers all his public appearances, newspaper articles that mention him, what his interests are–far beyond what you could find on Google.
He finds postings online from friends, his high school grades, what he studied in college, and even gets papers he wrote.
They actually give money to teachers at various universities to dig up stuff that was required for graduation–crazy stuff.
Then they research his romantic history. They look at the women that he’s dated in order to figure out his preferences.
And this makeover starts.
She changes her style. She changes her clothes. She changes the way she wears and colors her hair.
It’s a complete make-over.
Finally she goes to a psychologist with all of this information and they build a psychological profile of the type of woman this man would like to date.
They figure out the kind of woman he would be attracted to and the best conversations to have with him.
She creates this entire new persona based on this information.
They figure out how to approach him, whether to approach aggressively or indirectly.
And she goes to this party. She meets the guy briefly.
Since she knows she won’t be able to spend enough time to connect with him there, she arranges an elaborate scheme where she later “randomly” runs into him in a bar.
It works. They start seeing each other. And shortly after that they get married.
As Nataly finishes the story, she turns to me and says “You guys think you have to play games here. This is nothing.”