What to Do When Her Body Says No

by Eric Disco
Sep 5

paulorocker.deviantart.com10She’s into me, I can tell. It’s sexual as hell and we’ve been connecting like crazy.

But something is off now.

It’s her body language.

Her arms are folded and she’s turned away. Her legs are crossed but in the opposite direction, away from me.

Whenever a girl does this, it’s imperative what you do next.

Call her out on it.

“Man, you have such closed body language,” I say to her as I mimic with my body exactly what she’s doing.

“Sorry!!!” she says. Immediately she turns and faces me 100%. Her knees are practically pointing toward me out from under the short skirt she’s wearing.

She stares into my eyes with puppy dog eyes.

If you let something like bad body language go on too long, she’ll convince herself emotionally that she’s not into you.

However, if you call it out, it’s a show of dominance and social perceptiveness.

For more on Calling it Out, check out When In Doubt, Call It Out.

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posted in Body Language

COMMENTS
10 responses
Shane says:

What about when her body says yes but her words say no?

I’ve been getting real close to this girl who was in an acting class with me for weeks. We’ve gone out on a couple dates, shes come over to my house a couple times and we’ve cooked together. I’ve always noticed that if a woman isn’t into you she won’t let you get touchy with her or even put herself in a situation to let you think something will happen.

Well this girl has no problem with me touching her in intimate places (neck, thigh, waist, feet) and will often get touchy feely with me. But when I went to kiss her she turns her cheek to me. And recently things were getting heavy and I said “and if I kissed you right now then what would you do…” She began telling me about her not wanting to get into anything right now because shes very focused on getting her career together and shes not into just being a fling. I didn’t get upset and kick her out but I told her I wasn’t going to BS her and say “Oh yea I’d love to be friends because I am very attracted to her”. She tells me shes very attracted to me too. Honestly her tone was as though she was a bit confused by her words.
BUT SHE STILL FLIRTS afterwards in a sexual and physical way (innuendos about ‘getting me drunk and taking advantage of me’ and playfighting/tickling).

I’m pretty confused. I partially think its because I didn’t just go bold and kiss her instead of talking but I don’t know. I’m really not sure where to go from here. Any advice on a next move?

Cameron says:

Wow Eric, thats awesome that such a simple sentence had such a strong effect, it was a great show of confidence on your part, a less confident man would probably have kept it to himself and gone home alone but I can tell you really have it!

KL says:

I absolutely love calling girls out on things. It definitely shows confidence, social intelligence, and it totally makes you stand out from other guys. It always elicits a response, mostly positive.

Shane:

I had a very similar situation once. This girl was actually devoutly religious (at least nominally, if that makes sense), but also very attracted to me from the moment we met. Because of her religious inclinations, she was similarly torn between focusing on the more serious thing and surrendering to passion.

Well, I decided to give it a shot and consistently escalated during our evening together. Every once in a while she would resist, so I dialed it down a notch, but continued the overall process so that she was comfortable. Eventually, we had sex.

My confidence and dominance, but still respecting her boundaries, no doubt turned her on big time. The key thing to remember is persistence. If she is alone with you in your room or her room, I got news for you: she’s interested. At that point, it’s just emotional logistics and helping her get in the mood.

In the scene you described, you should have eased off a bit, but kept going at a lower gear, continue the sexuality at a lower pace she is comfortable with at that moment. There was no need to totally stop. Example: If you make a move to kiss her, and she turns her head but not her body or anything else, just kiss her on the cheek or neck. She might just turn back and kiss your mouth.

The only difference between your outcome and mine was that I continued to up the ante even when she threw me a curve ball. I knew that if she was really uncomfortable and didn’t want me around, she would have let me know clearly. So I think, like in my experience, this girl is torn between her obvious sexual attraction for you, and her “other priorities.” If she was really, truly closed to a “fling” I doubt she would be acting the way she was.

Problem: You might have lost your window of opportunity, as she might solidly decide to move on. But you could give it another shot. Eventually, this girl I saw a few times decided to end our fun together because of her religion. It was that conflict between her attraction for me, and her other “responsibilities.” I was able to do it for a little while, because of dominance, respect, persistence and patience.

Eric Disco says:

She began telling me about her not wanting to get into anything right now because shes very focused on getting her career together and shes not into just being a fling… BUT SHE STILL FLIRTS afterwards in a sexual and physical way (innuendos about ‘getting me drunk and taking advantage of me’ and playfighting/tickling)… Any advice on a next move?

Use the obstacle to your advantage. Whenever things start to get flirty and sexy, YOU be the one to put on the breaks. You can say something like “We shouldn’t be doing this, you want to focus on your career.” Or to make it even more believable, have your own obstacle. “Alright, let’s cool this off, I don’t want to get involved because I don’t want to lose focus on my business.”

You be the one to end interactions. You can still initiate the flirtiness and get sexual with her, but make sure you’re the one to put a stop to it.

Eric

Shane says:

Oh ok this is all great advice. I have one follow up question to your comment Eric. You say that I should initiate being flirty and getting sexual with her BUT always be the one to put the brakes on, is that to say that I should or should not escalate sexually? For instance one of the comments above said that it’s possible that my window of opportunity has (or is rapidly) closed. If I have a situation where she is continuing the flirty banter and touchiness should I still go to try to kiss her (and then stop when shes enjoying it)?

I notice you talk alot about dragging your fingers on a woman’s jeans and pulling her in, putting her arms behind your head. Would you say that I should go for the move in order to keep out of the friend’s zone, just as long as I stopped it first???

Thanks alot for your opinions.

setpeasia says:

Thanks for writing, I very much liked

Eric Disco says:

If I have a situation where she is continuing the flirty banter and touchiness should I still go to try to kiss her (and then stop when shes enjoying it)?

Stay away from kissing her until you know she is dying to kiss you. Tease her with it. Do some triangulation, where you look into one eye, then the other eye down at her lips and back again to her eyes. Play with her hair. You can even go in for the kiss and then bite her on the neck. You’re basically teasing her and holding off. The reason I say to hold off on the kiss is because she may see the kiss as some material indicator that it’s really on. Don’t hold off too too long. Eventually you want to kiss her. I wouldn’t go so far as the No Kiss First Kiss, but you could play around with it.

I notice you talk alot about dragging your fingers on a woman’s jeans and pulling her in, putting her arms behind your head. Would you say that I should go for the move in order to keep out of the friend’s zone, just as long as I stopped it first???

In general, when escalating with a woman, you want to do it, then either take it further or take it away. If you put your hand on her knee, it’s pretty hot at first because you’ve never done that with her. But after 30 seconds or so, it gets boring if you don’t do anything. So either take it away or start to caress her knee or move up her leg or something. Don’t just leave it there.

I wouldn’t do this stuff “just” to keep out of friend zone. I would do it because it’s fun. But yes, if you don’t do anything, you will end up in friend zone.

One good way to start the leg touching is to do this. When she’s standing and looking at something, stand next to her. Let’s say, for example she’s in your living room looking at a painting on the wall. Stand next to her, shoulder to shoulder, so you are both facing the same direction. Look at the painting also and say something like “What do you think of my awesome painting.” Some banter is preferable, but it doesn’t have to be. As you say this, with the back of your hand give her a tap or two on the side of her leg facing you. I do this a lot. You can do this if you are standing in line next to her or she’s overlooking a balcony. You want to say something when you do it though.

Eric

PUA says:

Body language may convey messages that she’s not even aware of. I suggest buying a book on body language and memorizing it!

Shane says:

Hey Eric thanks alot! You’re advice was great and I think the eye triangulation and subtle teasing really helped move things in the right into a more sexual realm. Thanks again Eric.

jacobus says:

Great post. I’ve done this for a while and it’s been one of the best things I can do. It’s a subtle ‘neg’ in the sense that you’re saying that she’s not fun or social enough to have a good time, makes ‘em crazy.

The only problem I’ve run into is when she’s huddled up a bit because she’s cold…

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