This post is by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.
Last night I’m out with a small group of students at a new bar in West L.A.
At one point in the night we are talking to a group of cute girls on the patio.
One of the girls mentions that she has to leave by midnight or she’ll turn into a pumpkin.
Then she says that if she keeps drinking she’ll get bloated and her face will get filled with pox.
I misunderstand her and say “Did you just say that you’ll get bloated and you’ll get filled with cock?”
She starts laughing hysterically and playfully punches my arm.
I exit the conversation in hopes that the attraction she’s feeling towards me will wear off on the student next to me.
Prior to going out we did a bunch of drills to help them get over their approach anxiety and have fun opening conversations.
We were using some fairly edgy openers. But all of the guys in attendance had zero approach anxiety by the end of the night and we all had a great time.
My last post was an in depth explanation of making sure your emotions match your words. This is the key to successful openings–particularly high-risk openings.
How is it possible to say edgy things and deliver risky openers without worrying about what happens afterward?
A conversation I had with one of my students who is a little older and less comfortable in bar environments really stood out to me.
One of the biggest phrases that is tossed around in the Inner Game community is “Learn to not give a shit!”
I heard a slew of others presenters speak about this last week at a event where I also spoke.
I think this concept is completely bankrupt.
How can you actually not give a shit? I guarantee that any man on this planet would rather have a beautiful woman give him a kiss then throw a drink in his face after he approached her.
If you engage in an activity you by default “give a shit,” otherwise you wouldn’t do it.
So let’s tweak the phrase a little and call it “Not being outcome dependent.”
You approach her, she pours a drink on your head but at the end of the day, you are glad you did it, you learned a ton from the experience, and you are ready to try again. If this is your attitude, you will continue to improve, regardless of the outcome of your interactions.
When I look back on my progress, I remember a very distinct three month period where I improved dramatically.
During those three months I went out with a great group of guys (and sometimes girls) on a weekly basis and we pushed the hell out of our comfort zones in a fun way.
We challenged each other to do crazy stuff and no matter what came of it, we always found a way to laugh and have fun with the process.
I came up with the winning line.
“Hey, not to be Mr. Johny Greaseball, but I would really like to stick my big toe in your vagina.”
THANK GOD I didn’t pick the short straw!!
My friend Maurice picked it and completely crashed and burned with the line.
The girls were shocked, awed and totally offended and called him horrible names.
Afterward we all had a great laugh about it and he loved every minute of it.
Who do you think grew the most from that experience? Yup, he did.
If you want to develop social skills and learn to stop being outcome dependent, having a support group is the best way.
If you don’t have a group like this, finding one should be your number one priority if you want to improve this area of your life.
posted in Embarrassment and RejectionCOMMENTS