Rejection Is Fun!

by Eric Disco
Aug 16

artmajeur.com_slash_patrickhitte4

This post is by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.

Last night I’m out with a small group of students at a new bar in West L.A.

At one point in the night we are talking to a group of cute girls on the patio.

One of the girls mentions that she has to leave by midnight or she’ll turn into a pumpkin.

Then she says that if she keeps drinking she’ll get bloated and her face will get filled with pox.

I misunderstand her and say “Did you just say that you’ll get bloated and you’ll get filled with cock?”

She starts laughing hysterically and playfully punches my arm.

I exit the conversation in hopes that the attraction she’s feeling towards me will wear off on the student next to me.

Prior to going out we did a bunch of drills to help them get over their approach anxiety and have fun opening conversations.

We were using some fairly edgy openers. But all of the guys in attendance had zero approach anxiety by the end of the night and we all had a great time.

My last post was an in depth explanation of making sure your emotions match your words. This is the key to successful openings–particularly high-risk openings.

How is it possible to say edgy things and deliver risky openers without worrying about what happens afterward?

A conversation I had with one of my students who is a little older and less comfortable in bar environments really stood out to me.

artmajeur.com_slash_patrickhitte5We were talking about the importance of having a group of supportive people to make this process of a lot easier and more fun.

One of the biggest phrases that is tossed around in the Inner Game community is “Learn to not give a shit!”

I heard a slew of others presenters speak about this last week at a event where I also spoke.

I think this concept is completely bankrupt.

How can you actually not give a shit? I guarantee that any man on this planet would rather have a beautiful woman give him a kiss then throw a drink in his face after he approached her.

If you engage in an activity you by default “give a shit,” otherwise you wouldn’t do it.

So let’s tweak the phrase a little and call it “Not being outcome dependent.”

You approach her, she pours a drink on your head but at the end of the day, you are glad you did it, you learned a ton from the experience, and you are ready to try again. If this is your attitude, you will continue to improve, regardless of the outcome of your interactions.

When I look back on my progress, I remember a very distinct three month period where I improved dramatically.

During those three months I went out with a great group of guys (and sometimes girls) on a weekly basis and we pushed the hell out of our comfort zones in a fun way.

We challenged each other to do crazy stuff and no matter what came of it, we always found a way to laugh and have fun with the process.

artmajeur.com_slash_patrickhitte6One night we were out in the Marina District of San Francisco. We drew straws and the loser had to approach a group of women using the most ridiculous and offensive opening line we could think of.

I came up with the winning line.

“Hey, not to be Mr. Johny Greaseball, but I would really like to stick my big toe in your vagina.”

THANK GOD I didn’t pick the short straw!!

My friend Maurice picked it and completely crashed and burned with the line.

The girls were shocked, awed and totally offended and called him horrible names.

Afterward we all had a great laugh about it and he loved every minute of it.

Who do you think grew the most from that experience? Yup, he did.

If you want to develop social skills and learn to stop being outcome dependent, having a support group is the best way.

If you don’t have a group like this, finding one should be your number one priority if you want to improve this area of your life.


This article was simultaneously posted on InnerConfidence.com

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posted in Embarrassment and Rejection

COMMENTS
11 responses
eVolution says:

Thanks, this just gave me the kick to get back in touch with my pick-up friends…

Hey Evolution,

Glad I kicked your butt! :) Just make sure your friends are supportive and some are also better then you. If you model people with more developed skills you will improve by just being around them. If you go out with a bunch of guys who don’t take action and push each other, nothing will change. Don’t forget, it’s all about having fun!

-Robbie

Cameron says:

Wow, that was an awesome article, I really enjoyed it, thanks!

Eric Disco says:

It’s great when your friends are there to go out with you and laugh after the rejections. It can also be therapeutic to talk about old rejections with your friends and laugh about it.

In a certain sense, this is the main benefit of having a therapist. Simply talking about experiences takes away the soul-crushing burden of having to carry that on your own. You get another perspective and there’s less shame, that feeling that you’ve done something wrong and the entire world thinks ill of you. Those past rejections from years ago can still haunt you in the present day.

Eric

zels says:

But the question is, how do you find a support group? It’s hard to find people who would be willing to push their comfort zone so far.

Nonstop says:

@zels

Sometimes you have to be the one to start one. It doesn’t take much to go outside your comfort zone, and -maybe- some of your friends are ready to do the same, but need someone to lead them.

Otherwise, you can starting meeting people at new things you’re interested in. You might have more in common than you thought. Either way, it starts with you taking action.

@zels

Nonstops advice was spot on. To add to what he said, you also need a way to make sure that your support group actually takes action.

The support group I had was a group of fellow coaches. We had to take action because if we didn’t, we would look like complete fools in front of our students. That created the urgency to actually go out and push our comfort zones.

Once we started we became addicted and it got easier and more fun. The hardest part about getting started is getting started. If this area of your life is important to you, it won’t get done.

If it is urgent, you’ll find a way to make it work. The difference between things that are urgent and things that are important is that important things get pushed off for things that are urgent.

If something is urgent, it means there is a cost or punishment associated for not doing it. The secret for me was creating a structure that got me into action by penalizing me if I didn’t take any. Hope that helps.

Eric Disco says:

I would say something similar. Go out and do what you want to do on your own, and look for people in the meantime. If you’re already out doing this stuff, when you meet another guy who does this stuff, you can go out together.

If you’re not already doing this stuff, it will be very difficult to attract quality guys into your life.

I talk about this more in the post Do You Need a “Wing” to Meet Women?

Eric

Dan says:

This is what I need! Think al make it my priority. At the moment i’m pretty much a one man band. Because i’m constantly surrounded by cowards that call themselves friends. Plus the other guys i know that would be interested in this sort of activity I dont want to associate with any longer.

Great post,

Thanks

Cameron says:

“If you’re not already doing this stuff, it will be very difficult to attract quality guys into your life. ”

fag! :-p

dave says:

Great posts! I know that I missed this boat and that is fine, but this is NOT about shame or embarassment.What activity could I POSSIBLY be involved in where another human being had to pour a drink on me?
I know that I was a social outcast for not liking alcoholic beverages
(never found any that tasted good?) and that made me boring.
Read what these men are saying and you wonder how anyone could
enjoy this game. You really have to pay a therapist so that you can be Eric D. or Lee or Robbie K?
Who could “own” such an existence?

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