Do You Approach Women All the Time?
August 31st, 2010 by 
Eric Disco
It gnaws away at you.
Living in New York City, you see gorgeous women all the time.
When I first moved to New York, I joked with my friend from home that you don’t even need to turn your head when you see a cute girl because another one is bound to walk into your field of vision.
On the way to work you see them. At lunchtime. At the gym. On the way home.
It should be a man’s paradise.
But what if I told you it’s not?
What if I told you that seeing all of these gorgeous women every day can actually kill your confidence?
As I’ve talked about before, the most important aspect of being great with women is being able to take initiative socially. A guy who’s great with women takes initiative with them.
But there’s a misconception about this. Guys have this idea that when you’re good with women, you are constantly approaching, interacting, and closing.
This is not true.
Even logistically, there is no way I would make it anywhere if I interacted with every girl I was attracted to.
But beyond that, if you have any kind of anxiety, to try to approach women all the time puts a terrible pressure on yourself. I experienced this when I first learned how to approach women. I felt like I should be doing it all the time.
And I began to feel anxiety all day.
And worse, when I didn’t approach women all the time, I felt like a failure. Every time I saw a hot girl and didn’t approach her, I felt like I was doing something wrong.
I felt like I should approach her. And with the number of hot girls there are in New York City, I was shoulding all over myself every day.
I would start to feel failure at every opportunity I didn’t take. And it started to kill my confidence.
So how do you not put so much pressure on yourself to approach every woman you see, and still grow and challenge yourself?
With my mentoring students, I recommend that they go out for 30-45 minutes a day and that they do all their work during that time.
Instead of putting pressure on yourself all day, give yourself a limited time to do this every day, and focus during that time.
The rest of the time you should just chill out or, at most, start to incorporate a few of the things you’ve learned if it gives you very little anxiety.
Ideally as you get better at this, you will be able to approach women anytime anywhere. But to put pressure on yourself to do that at the beginning could easily backfire.
If you’re dealing with any kind of anxiety during approaching, you don’t want that anxiety over taking your day and your life.
This is a little bit like going to the gym and weight lifting.
You don’t actually build muscle when you’re doing your weight lifting. You build muscle over the next 24-48 hours as your body heals the microtears in the muscle you got from your workout.
If you tried to lift weights five times a day, you would hurt yourself and you would never get stronger.
The most important thing is that you are taking initiative and that you do have a plan laid out for yourself.
Give yourself achievable goals. Ease into it.
And during those times when you aren’t approaching, sit back and know that you are improving.
And watch your confidence grow.
Posted in Self-Improvement Strategies | 
10 Comments »
August 31st, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Eric, a question about easing into it. Say that at the very start is to just ask for the time or directions. What would be some next natural steps? Just going up and telling a girl she’s cute, or to walk over and say hi without an apparent reason seem to me, as a beginner, like pretty big steps up from asking for the time – I guess mostly because it is more socially accepted as ordinary behaviour to ask for the time, and also because, strange as it may sound, the thought of going more direct is scary to me not just because of the possibility of an awkward rejection, but because the interaction might go better than I imagined and I’d be uncomfortable with being in such a situation and not knowing where to take it if that makes sense.
August 31st, 2010 at 2:10 pm
There are a few things you could do after taking initiative and asking a girl for the time or for directions. They all involved challenging yourself to stay in the interaction longer.
Let’s say you ask where starbucks is. You could ask a follow-up question. Do they have wifi there?
You could say something about yourself. “I did not get nearly enough sleep last night and I’m dying for a latte.”
Or you could banter with her. “Thanks for the directions. That was awesome. You’re better than Google maps. I’m taking you everywhere with me!”
Eric
August 31st, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Thanks, those are good suggestions. I’d like to do this gradually so that it doesn’t really feel like approaches, per se, but just becomes integrated into my personality step by step in a natural way…
August 31st, 2010 at 8:20 pm
I’ve been feeling like that lately. Like I had put this big pressure over my shoulder about opening women, working on my approach anxiety and all of those other stuff about the game. Thanks Eric.
August 31st, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Hi Eric! Ive been having exactly this problem here at my University / College because everywhere I look, I see a beautiful hot girl but sometimes I am not able to talk to them so I kick myself almost everyday.
Also, I would be nice If youd write an article about Campus / College / University game beacause I think a lot of guys could be havving, like me, problems in this environment.
Kudos from Colombia!
L
August 31st, 2010 at 11:40 pm
Earlier today as i made a stroll outside during my lunch break, i made it a point to be social with atleast one cute girl during the walk. It didnt take long for me to notice this one girl who was sitting on the bench all by herself. I noticed an older black guy think about sitting near her, but bailed. That was my seat anyways so i made my way without any real hesitation. We chatted for roughly 5 minutes till her friend showed up. We all talked for a little while before I decided to part ways.
Now after that interaction, of course i gave myself props for doing it. I did my approach for the day, she was cute and i talked to her cute friend too! It was all good. I continued my walk and there was this other girl that caught my eye, if only she crossed the street over to mine i’d approach her (i told myself). She did so and i told myself if only i could catch up to her and get a better look at her, id approach her. As I got closer my heart started to race, i felt the anxiety kind of swell up inside me, i was caught off guard and i suppose i wasnt ready for this. She was a lot hotter than this other girl. She got in her car (dam) and i told myself if only she’d roll down the windows i’d approach her. She did. I believe she smiled my way as our eyes connected BUT i just kept on walking by, doh! wtf the anxiety got me this time. what a rush though, too bad i didnt man up though, it could have been a great interaction.
Im not about to beat myself about it, i’ve got some good things going on in my personal life and im still approaching girls daily. There are days where things go sour and thats my fate for the day, but on the flipside there are other days i gain a hunger for an awesome interaction and i feel like superman and fly off to do amazing things.
No need to approach women all the time guys, just make an effort every day and carry through with it. When your put your heart and soul into this, you will overcome anything that stands in your way. This is true for everything in life, just do it.
September 1st, 2010 at 5:40 am
Ye, I’ve had the same thing when I was starting out. Its a funny thing actually, cuz I used to talk to a lot of girls in general, but still felt like I was missing out.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Cheers, mate!
September 2nd, 2010 at 12:14 am
I recently made a trip to New York, and there were definitely plenty of attractive girls everywhere. Another take–and maybe another way for anxiety guys to look at this–is that it’s very easy to get into a mindset of abundance. If every time you fail with a girl there’s another hottie around the corner, then there’s no need to be so outcome-dependent and wary of approaching a girl. There’s always another shot, plenty of fish in the sea.
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:04 am
Thanks for writing, I very much liked