It gnaws away at you.

Living in New York City, you see gorgeous women all the time.

When I first moved to New York, I joked with my friend from home that you don’t even need to turn your head when you see a cute girl because another one is bound to walk into your field of vision.

On the way to work you see them. At lunchtime. At the gym. On the way home.

It should be a man’s paradise.

But what if I told you it’s not?

What if I told you that seeing all of these gorgeous women every day can actually kill your confidence?

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Within the treacherous deep of the catacombs, there is a book.

Massive in its proportion, this book holds billions of words on its razor-thin pages.

It is the Book of Not Approaching.

Turn page after page and you will find this vast, endless book filled with one thing:

Excuses.

There is always a reason why you shouldn’t approach her. Always some excuse dangling.

Your mind has brilliantly written this book.  It is exhaustive, familiar, and each excuse is indexed for near instantaneous reference.

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(Thanks to John!)

This post is by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.

Last night I’m out with a small group of students at a new bar in West L.A.

At one point in the night we are talking to a group of cute girls on the patio.

One of the girls mentions that she has to leave by midnight or she’ll turn into a pumpkin.

Then she says that if she keeps drinking she’ll get bloated and her face will get filled with pox.

I misunderstand her and say “Did you just say that you’ll get bloated and you’ll get filled with cock?”

She starts laughing hysterically and playfully punches my arm.

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Flakes.  Ugggh.

Aside from approaching women in the first place, this is one of the biggest frustrations for guys.

You go out, you put in the effort. All the signs are there.  She seems to like you.

Maybe she even likes you a lot.

You get her number.  You’re excited. You can feel the energy.  And then…

No date ever materializes.

It’s quite frustrating.  And, even worse, it grates on your ego.

Is there something wrong with my game? Why won’t women meet up with me?

Is there something wrong with me?

Many guys feel like if they could just get a woman on a date, they’d be golden.  I’m excellent on dates, they tell me.  So what am I doing wrong?

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There’s a joke I like to tell:

Q: How do you know when you see a group of pick up artists?

A: There’s no women around them.

It’s funny because… well, it’s true.  Most guys out there practicing their game are not very good at it.

And that’s okay because we all have to start somewhere.

But that’s still no excuse to not have women in your life.

When I gave a talk about a month ago at NYC Social Dynamics Masterminds, my excellent host Phillip, commented that I was the only “PUA” to talk at his event who had ever brought any girls with him.

And on top of that, he continued, I brought five hot girls with me.

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There’s been a lot of discussion about the limitations of getting attractive women unless you yourself are physically attractive.

One of the most important things you can do to improve your looks is to improve your fashion.  In many ways, fashion is more important to women because it conveys something physical attractiveness cannot: social intelligence.

Here are ten killer tips to go from lady snoozer to lady chooser and terminate your nice guy vibe.

1) Have a look rather than trying to mix and match. I can’t tell you to buy this belt or these shoes because it’s not about just finding a great belt or great shoes. It’s about finding an overall look that works for you.

Are you a motorcycle rider? Punk? Artist? Wall Street Trader in custom suits? Yoga guru? Euro DJ? Country gentleman? You should pick a look that is partially based on your interests. You don’t have to be a professional skateboarder to wear a skatepunk look. If you skateboard once in a awhile or like to watch professional skateboarding, then you can adopt the look.

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