What Confidence Looks Like to Women
by 
Eric Disco
Confident guys behave a certain way.
While all of them are different people, their confidence about who they are effects those around them.
People react differently to them.
I recently had a conversation with a very attractive 29-year-old friend of mine. She talked to me about attraction and her charismatic friend who’s great with women.
I have a friend who’s below average in the looks department.
But he walks into a bar like he’s the hottest guy in the place. And everyone buys that and is like “That’s the hottest guy in the whole bar!”
He’s got a huge red-haired Irish afro and is pasty and white and short and probably could drink less beer and work out more. I’m being honest. He would agree with me!
But he has no qualms about how he looks. He’s 100% confident about who he is.
He’s so confident about how he looks, it isn’t even something you think about. He’ll wear plaid suits into bars and still everyone wants to talk to him. He doesn’t care.
It’s how he carries himself. He’s not drop-dead model gorgeous but he carries himself in a way that reads as drop-dead model gorgeous.
He has amazing posture. It’s very look-at-me posture, like I’m not afraid of you looking at me.
At no point does he ever apologize with his body. He’s wide open. He puts his hands out in the air all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cross his arms in his entire life. He’s just incredibly confident with his body.
The way he interacts with people is incredible. He’s really good at picking on people in a way that makes them want to talk to him more.
And I think that’s the biggest thing that makes him hot. He’s not afraid. He doesn’t care.
One time, we were in this really bad neighborhood. He parked his car and bumped the car behind us and the car in front of us.
There were all these thugs on the corner. And they were like “You just hit my car.”
I was thinking, oh god, we’re going to get shot.
And he yells “That’s what bumpers are for!”
And they’re all like “Heh heh heh, that’s funny! You wanna hang out!”
I was like, what just happened? The way he said it wasn’t like ‘oops, my bad,’ it was like ‘No damage was done, whatever.’
We dated for a while. It was really cool. As much as he’s a big baller in the bar and can keep things light and fun, he isn’t afraid of having a serious conversation. A lot of guys are scared of their emotions.
If he felt a way about something, he would let you know, even if it were something that was upsetting to him. Things that someone would say ‘That’s not attractive,’ he didn’t worry about those things.
He could be incredibly sincere without trying to be sincere. The people who were his friends were like ‘That’s the guy to go to.’
And he’s great with women. He’s a real ladies man. All the girls love him. They’re all about it.
We were in an elevator and he started talking to this woman with a baby. At first she was nervous. But by the time we got to the ground floor she was holding the elevator to keep talking to him.
He just really enjoys talking to people. He just likes learning things about strangers. He’s actually interested in people, and because of that they’re like ‘cool!’ and flattered and talk to him.
Posted in Attraction | 
62 Comments »
Asshole game is like the dark side of the force, seductive because it is easier to learn and initially more powerful. But men who meet women this way fall into the trap of starting every relationship without any genuine connection or mutual admiration. Women will sleep with men if men show a dominance and mastery of the social environment. The question is should men want to sleep with those women. I have never seen anyone who runs this type of game in normal relationships. There’s a big difference between these types of tricks and legitimate techniques for speeding up the process of making real connections with women.
@Lee
Exactly. Most pickup stuff I’ve seen is slated towards ONS type stuff, and unfortunately, most guys are more than happy with that and never strive for more.
Also, the LS comment I made was geared towards my opinion of one of their coaches, Starlight. I had read some of his stuff where he does run game, but also emphasizes real connection. I was being overly broad by categorizing him as LS.
“When people talk about anxiety, it’s usually about getting over it. There’s an idea that in getting better with women, you’re trying to dissociate yourself from your feelings. In order to run asshole game, you need to be cold and heartless.
In reality, the best naturals in the world are MORE in touch with their own feelings. That’s the source of their power. When you can dig deep inside yourself and use that to further your interactions with women, you are in touch with the eternal wellspring of power. It’s no longer about gaming women but about feeling what you want to feel.”
Eric, could you please go more into detail with that.
During the last years, I worked a lot on getting more in touch with my feelings and it certainly enriched my life. But: with becoming much more sensitive than other men, I would fall in love tooo quickly and get very needy. And too respectful. I don’t push boundaries.
Another thing is that I developed very good rapport skills from that. I can connect very good and women open up very fast to me. But with that, I instantly end as the emotional garbage bin, because they start pouring out their problems right away. And then I end up in the friend zone.
So, to get this issue resolved, I try to get unaffected and unreactive again (also to stay chill and not get instant brain-freeze after an approach). Otherwise my brain always switches into “needy puppy” mode as soon as I talk to an attractive woman. Reading your post, it doesn’t sound like a good idea anymore. Isn’t being emotionally unreactive what being outcome independant is all about?
You want to become more sensitive. But this doesn’t mean that you turn into a pushover. On the contrary.
You want to be able to negotiate your relationships and be sensitive to yourself as well as the other person’s feelings. This means you notice right away when someone is dumping on you rather than connecting with you.
If you feel yourself getting needy or getting into a bad situation, you know to pull away right away and manage your feelings. You manage your feelings by taking action.
This also doesn’t mean that you become overly respectful. Instead, you know when and where to push your boundaries. You know where to challenge yourself.
That’s what all this is about. Getting laid is awesome, I love getting laid. But what’s even better than that is feeling what you want to feel with people.
You’ll feel slightly off balance when you meet a girl you really like. That’s good. But you don’t let it get out of control. You keep your wits about you. You enjoy the ride.
There are certain areas where you do become less sensitive. When you walk up to a girl and she blows you off, it stings a bit, but it doesn’t wreck my life as it would a few years ago. There’s no emotional involvement there. My reaction is appropriate. But it doesn’t mean I’m turning off my feelings.
I’m always checking in with myself about how I feel. If I’m feeling anxiety, I acknowledge that and realize it. It doesn’t mean I don’t take action. On the contrary, checking in with my feelings helps me to manage them and I can decide to take action in spite of those feelings and along with those feelings.
If I’m feeling nervous, I can use that energy and inject it into the interaction to make it more meaningful for both of us. It’s an intensity that wouldn’t be there if I weren’t in touch with my feelings.
Eric
@Axel. Haha do the PUA Training guys not have integrity? Idk, a lot of their material has helped me, anyway. Establishing a sexual vibe, learning how and when to touch, from tactical stuff like getting the number to inner game/ mindset and attitude, etc.
Digger wrote: “During the last years, I worked a lot on getting more in touch with my feelings and it certainly enriched my life. But: with becoming much more sensitive than other men, I would fall in love tooo quickly and get very needy. And too respectful. I don’t push boundaries.
Another thing is that I developed very good rapport skills from that. I can connect very good and women open up very fast to me. But with that, I instantly end as the emotional garbage bin, because they start pouring out their problems right away. And then I end up in the friend zone.”
It sounds to me like you’re not in touch with your feelings, but rather more in touch with what you *think* her feelings are. In other words, Are your feelings really telling you that you to become needy and too respectful and not push boundaries, etc? Or are your feelings more along the lines of you’d like to kiss her, touch her, have sex with her, not be needy, have her respect you, etc? I suspect the latter is more accurate of your true feelings. But what you’re going by is what you think she’s feeling or wants. You’re projecting these notions on to her. Of course, if she’s romantically interested in you, that’s not what she’s feeling at all. She actually does want you to initiate physical intimacy, not be subordinate to her, etc. But forget about her. The important thing is what are you feeling and are you actually tuned in to that and staying true to what you want? Or are you just doing what you think she wants because you think it will get you what you want?
KL, I don’t know, but I get the odd email from Gambler promoting the latest product or whatever. When I first read them six months ago or something, and read one of their rapports, it didn’t sit right with me. It somehow seemed to focus more on chasing tail than connecting, but that’s just an impression I got.
“If I’m feeling nervous, I can use that energy and inject it into the interaction to make it more meaningful for both of us. It’s an intensity that wouldn’t be there if I weren’t in touch with my feelings.”
I seem to avoid situations/taking actions all the time because of how extremely nervous I get.
How do you go about injecting that nervous energy into a more meaningful interaction?
Is it realizing that your nervous, then trying to turn that nervous energy into excitement, and then doing that thing makes you nervous?
Interesting post. Even more interesting comments. There is definitely truth to that- acting confident and “meh, i don’t care” is better than being ”if i do this, but if i do that”. At the end of the day this is not your life at stake, there are plenty of fish in the pond.
Dudes,
It isn’t that hard. Just keep lowering your standards until you find the one you’re looking for. Water finds its own level, you should too! We all want hot broads, but if you’re 45, bald, broke, etc. You’re not getting a hot 22 yo. Face it, and grab a nice 42 yo broad. Phuck, not so difficult.
There are many reasons to choose a woman closer to your own age, but being 45, bald, and broke is not one of them. You’d be more correct if you were counseling wimpy, boring dudes to lower their expectations. To the extent that wimpy, boring dudes also represent a greater fraction of unattached 45 year olds, you’re right.
i agree with Lee’s comment about the dark side of the force being asshole game. It is super effective, and in particular on younger girls and past their prime girls esp.
but i don’t think it leads to relationships that are as productive for both parties.
it sets a negative cycle/frame for the entire relationship.
but then, i think most relationships degrade into needing the man to be in charge and willing to walk away for the woman to respect him. so what do i know?