How do you know if a girl is attracted to you?

by Eric Disco
Jan 17

tmtapplecore.com4You start talking to a girl.

Sometimes it’s totally on. It’s obvious the girl is into you.

Other times, it’s totally not on. It’ s obvious this girl wants you to go the fuck away.

But particularly when starting out in this game, in the majority of interactions with women, you are in a space of not knowing whether she likes you or not.

How do you know if she’s attracted to you?

Guys with social anxiety or not enough experience with women tend to miss signals of interest.

Or if they do see signals of interest, they write them off for some reason or another.

It happens all the time.  A student of mine will open a girl and the girl is lit up, smiling and 100% into him.

He walks away from her and comes back to me and I tell him this.  But he didn’t see it.

Signals of attraction can be tricky.  How do I know if she likes me?

Is it her smile?

The way she flips her hair?

If she asks for my phone number?

At it’s most basic level, attraction can be understood as attention.

Do you have her attention?

If she’s looking down and reading or looking away when you’re talking, then you don’t have her full attention/attraction.

If she is looking at you when you talk, then you have her attention/attraction.

But even this signal will be down-played by your social anxiety.

You’ll start to look too hard to see whether you have her attention.

“Oh wait, she looked away for a second. I guess she doesn’t like me.”

Anxiety plays all kinds of tricks on you.

In the moments where it matters, it can be almost impossible to wade through all the signals your body is sending you and try to comprehend whether she is truly attracted to you.

And some women are really good at hiding it.

tmtapplecore.com3A lot of women will be afraid to show it.

Instead of making a list in your head of things to look for, you want to focus on improving your acumen over the long term and becoming better at reading women’s signals.

And there’s only one way to do that.

The *only* way to improve your acumen and your ability to read women is to make the move.

You must take initiative without *checking* to see if she’s attracted to you.

In fact, this is at the heart of all confidence.

You assume that people like you and are attracted to you and you act on that assumption.

Learning to act on that assumption is what’s commonly known as confidence.

There is no way to simply believe that all women are attracted to you.

Affirmations will help. But you must take action and go from there.

You must risk the inevitable rejection we all face.

And once you start doing that on a regular basis, physical changes happen in your body and you become confident.

My basic assumption: if she’s there talking to me, she’s attracted to me. If I want to, I keep going, keep taking initiative and keep escalating.


posted in Attraction, Sex and Escalation

12 responses
Mark02 says:

Hey Eric, thanks for the reminder. This is an awesome way for guys like me, who can’t tell worth a damn if a girl’s attracted, to approach and solve the problem. I appreciate it.

Karma says:

Hey Eric, love the way you revisit the BASICS…and you do it in a way only YOU can!

Matrix says:

I think the best indicator of interest is if she continues talking to you. If she isn’t shutting you down and giving you one word answers you’re most likely doing something right

Mark02 says:

Hey Matrix, that’s a pretty cool and encouraging way to look at it.

Marcello says:

“At it’s most basic level, attraction can be understood as attention.”

This does not fit very well with my experience. I have had tons of good interactions with girls where I definitively had their attention, yet when I made the move (suggest going for a coffee or whatever) it was “Thanks, but no thanks”. As a matter of fact this has been the norm for me, so much that it has made me more reluctant to “make the move” instead of less. Either there was no actual attraction at all or what was there was not in useful amounts.

[...] Eric Disco – “How Do You Know if a Girl is Attracted to You?” [...]

kdp says:

Hi guys,

interesting article – there are a number of ways to look at it.

Everything they do is a indication they are attracted – a very helpful attitude in many ways but could lead to some deluded beliefs and a lot of time wasted. Just because a girl will talk to you for 10 minutes does not mean she’s attracted

Assume they are NOT attracted – girls can and will be in another state when approached and so they will need time to work through THEIR autopilot type responses -you need to persevere

My attitude is to that you assume NOTHING and just get talking with the girl, however you MUST escalate things so they are aware you’re not just there to chit chat meaninglessly. Girls WILL let you know if you’ve gone too far

My 2c worth

kdp says:

Oooops I should have added this.

I think the biggest dillemma is confusing politeness with interest or attraction. Girls in general are likely to be polite and seriously some will talk to you for ages purely out of politeness ONLY. Learning to identify the difference is VITAL imho.

As an example I was on a ‘date’ with a woman and after a few drinks and about 2 hours of talking we parted company and within 2 minutes I received a text saying that she was CLEARLY not interested in seeing me again and apologised. So she probably sat through those hours with little to no interest waiting for it to end instead of ejecting early. In retrospect I should have noticed that she was just talking and had little interest by the fact that she was NOT asking me any questions.

So imho if you’re talking to a girl for anything longer than 10 minutes see if she continues the conversation – be prepared to let her ask questions. In my experience if she doesn’t then she’s talking to you out of politeness NOT attraction

It all comes down to the basics!!

James says:

@ Marcello

Perhaps it’s the way you’re asking her out? Is it your body language? Is it the choice of words? Is it the tone and inflection of your voice?

The most important thing that I have learned about chicks is that rejection and failure are inevitable; understand that it is all part of the process and when it does happen just jump back on the horse.

Sasha PUA says:

Hey dude!! That’s exactly right!!

One very interesting thing that Sweeney taught me is this:

The more you kiss a girl, the more turned on she gets

Only a man used to success with girls would boldy go for a kiss
Only a man who’s very secure in himself would keep trying after the girl didn’t let him kiss her
It’s how you take the “rejection” that’s far more important than anything. If you don’t give a flying fuck, that let’s her know you’re the shit, and your world isn’t affected by her. This builds massive attraction. The more times she turns away/the more you try – the more attracted she gets!

The only loosing scenario is if you never try at all!!

Sexy vic says:

If she looks u back ………tan she s 100% atractd