How to be Successful in the New Year

by Eric Disco
Dec 31

bakanekonei.deviantart.com1I was asked by one of the guys on the forum to write a post about how to start off the new year.

There are a number of great things you can do to improve your success with women.

You can get coaching (see my new incredibly successful Mentoring Program).

You can plan out what aspects of your game you want to work on and work on each aspect for one month (see How to Eat an Elephant).

But there is one aspect to this game that is more important than all the others.

I coach a lot of guys. And I also know a lot of great coaches. We talk about this all the time.

The main difference, the biggest X factor by far between guys who skyrocket their success, who get better by leaps and bounds vs. the guys who stay where they are is this:

Getting out regularly.

It seems retarded. It seems too easy to be true.

Just walking out your front door and getting to whatever location you’ve chosen to meet women.

That’s the most important part.

Actually talking to women? Secondary.

How can that be? How is it possible?

This is certainly not the *only* factor in improving with women. There certainly are other important factors.

But this one thing is by far the most important factor.

Why? Because you will not do anything else without it.

beautyThe day after Christmas, I get back to New York City.

I’ve spent the last six days in virtual seclusion hanging out with my parents and my sister and brother-in-law and new baby.

I love family. And it was a great time.

But there was virtually no socializing outside of my family for the whole time.

The next morning I get up.

I do some work on my new phone coaching program.

Spend most of the morning and part of the afternoon working on my computer.

By mid-afternoon when I walk out my front door to go meet women, I’m house-drunk. You know that feeling when you’ve spent all day inside and you’re head is swimming.

Wow, I don’t feel like doing this. I feel like staying in.

But I head out to meet women anyway. I gradually get back into it.

I ask a few women stupid questions. Flirt with a few girls.

I don’t even get any phone numbers that first day.

That’s okay.

And I tell myself that’s okay. I am kind to myself. I let myself ease back into it.

I may not even get any dates the next day.

But one thing I do is tell myself is how fucking awesome I am for getting out.

Because if I don’t do this, nothing else will happen.

I talk about this with my coaching friends. The most draining thing on our energy is trying to coach students who don’t get out and practice.

bakanekonei.deviantart.com5There’s almost nothing we can tell them. Where do you go from there?

Conversely, if you’re getting out, even if you aren’t talking to too many people, you are focused on this.

Your brain will start to figure out a way to make this happen.

You’re inspired and turned on because you are actually out among hot women.

And the most important part of this is happening: you are putting your physical body into action.

You are taking some kind of action, instead of reading about it, thinking about it, hoping about it, moping about it, or fantasizing about it.

If you do anything for yourself this next year, make sure you get out on a regular basis.

Plan it out. Make yourself a physical chart that has the next thirty days. Buy yourself some foil gold stars.

And put up a gold star for each day you go out.

Make the chart physical instead of keeping it “in your head.”

Because the last place you want to be in the new year is “in your head.”

I’m not going to wish you the best of luck for the new year. Because you don’t need luck.

You can make this happen by taking one small step at a time.

And it all starts with the first step.

Happy New Year!

Eric Disco

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posted in Self-Improvement Strategies

COMMENTS
16 responses
Cam says:

You are so right on with that, Eric.

Today I went out to the superstore to do some shopping, and while in the checkout line I’m able to strike up the easiest conversation possible with a super cute girl who ended up in line behind me.

I had no intention of going out and meeting anyone, but being out in and of itself made that interaction happen.

It made me sweat. It got that adrenaline going. It was a good interaction. I didn’t get her name or her number, though I’m pretty sure she was attracted and I could have if I pushed through more, but that’s not important. I’m fucking awesome for doing it and for getting where I did.

I am the king of procrastination, and without a coach or a friend to motivate me I find it very difficult to go out and “sarge.” But that’s okay.

Just go out. Get out of the house. No matter how much you can’t do social interactions, no matter how nervous hot girls make you feel; you can’t improve by staying in.

Karma says:

Thank you Eric.

beingreal29 says:

Hey Eric,
Happy New Year! This is a great post. I can’t tell you how many times I tried working on like 4 or 5 different things at once-yes it did get stressfull. If dating is an area of life that us guys want to change, it makes so much more sense to work on one thing at a time.

Haigh says:

I second this. Others have said it, but approaching is like a muscle that must be worked. If you don’t work it, it deteriorates over time. This time of year is tough with the holiday break for most people and now the cold weather, but just getting out there and taking a few shots gets you back in the game.

relentless d says:

This is going to a be a fun month. Whether I like it or not ;)

Bryan says:

Nice introspect but I get out pretty regularly and still have a very hard time. I have been doing it now for about two years and get out at least 3 nights a week plus doing day game.

I think for some getting out is a big problem. For me, I have a very hard time attracting attractive women (I do not have many natural advantages for I am balding pretty bad, short, have some scaring due to teenage acne) so its really been hard. I think if you are a decent looking guy, then getting out is your solution. Its a numbers game that is in your favor. For me, its really tough and its a numbers game that is not in my favor. They say personality is what puts you over the top but I have not found that no matter how positive I am or how much I go out.

Francis says:

Hey Bryan,

don’t let your physical appearance get in your way. Women don’t judge us the same way we as men judge them. What I mean is men base attraction on women’s looks because we are wired to be visually stimulated. Women are more interested in character and masculinity.

Read these great posts by Eric:

Dealing With Physical Challenges When Dating
http://approachanxiety.com/?p=63

and

Two Things You Can Do To Instantly Look More Attractive To Women
http://approachanxiety.com/?p=45

There’s not much you do about the way you look. You have to make good with what you have and do what you can control like getting in shape in the gym and dressing well. If you’ve balded badly, accept it. Don’t be the guy with really bad bald patches, shave it all off. Look at cool celebrities like Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Billy Zane who look bad ass with a shaven head. Women dig a clean shaven head rather than a patchy head. So you have scarring on your face, not much you can do, besides surgery or certain cosmetic procedures. But that costs too much money. Maybe invest in basic skin care solutions such as anti wrinkle creams…they may help soften scars. But the most you can do is accept it the way it is forever.

Women are not unattracted to your balding, scarring and height. They are unattracted to how you feel about yourself with these “problems”

Come on Bryan, but let’s start 2010 with a bang no more holding back. Let’s assume there is absolutely nothing you could do about your looks, let’s assume you will be “ugly” forever. Do you want to be the guy who sits back and does absolutely nothing? What if you can be the short, balding, acne guy who still goes after women. Because somewhere else in the world there’s always an even worse guys getting exactly what you’re looking for.

Let’s do it!

Francis

Bryan says:

Francis,

Thanks for the note man. I wish it was that simple. I have gone out and done probably thousands of approaches. In my city and all over. I have not had one date in a year. I cannot even tell you the last time I got laid.
I wish women were kinder than that but its not what I have found. My friends have tried to set me up with women but I never get blind dates. Why? well they show a photo of me and the women just say “pass.”

I have been out to places before and thought I can get women laughing, they always decline a coffee date or whatever I propose. They always tell me I am great guy and will find a great gal but that gets old.

No, I think they judge us by looks as well. Maybe not as much but they do.

Francis says:

Hey Bryan,

I’m not saying it’s easy bro. This is a process which is never promised to be easy. In my opinion the harder it is, the better the results when you finally DO get them. I too have done loads of approaches, not quite a thousand like you and still have not generated any dates out of them and I wont even tell you the last time I was laid either, because it’s not something I want to share. I can’t say I have the physical attributes you say is keeping you back, not that I’m a particularly great looking guy myself but I still have not had success YET!

Of course women too judge us on our looks, she too has a right to be physically attracted, but their judgement is less than ours, a lot less. Remember they can overlook your looks if you have personality, passion for life and things going on for you. Work on yourself while working on this approach thing. I’ve seen butt ugly guys with the great girls before. Yeah, yeah, yeah we can say they are loaded with money or probably hiring escorts but they can’t all be? You have done thousands of approaches, you are already miles ahead of the average guy out there who can’t even wonder up to one. You sometimes have to get thousands of NOs until you finally get the YES that actually really matters.

What I want to get through to you is that you don’t have many options here. If you believe that you will never get anywhere with women, then you wont get anywhere with women. FULL STOP. You can live a life believing that you don’t deserve them based on the appearance of your outer shell and stay this way forever, always wishing, searching but nothing will happen until you just stop caring and go after it. Let’s get real here:

Could you be the type of man who goes after women even if:

* You’re short?
* You’re bald?
* You have facial scarring?
* You have confidence problems?
* You keep failing, time and time again?
* You see her shriek in horror at you? (I’ve had this reaction, and I wont even dare call myself ugly)

Or will you rather be the man who:

* Sits back, complains?
* Never gets laid again?
* Never has a relationship again?
* Never falls in love?
* Never marries?
* Never ever starts a family?
* Sits alone for the rest of his life?

No matter what happens, no matter you’re appearance you need to be the man that goes after his BIRTH RIGHT. Even if you eventually fail and continue to fail, even if everything bad I mention in the second list above happens, wouldn’t you rather be the man who decided to go for it anyway?

Let’s not give up here Bryan. Look yourself in the mirror today and accept yourself the way you are say:

* Yes, I am balding (I can shave it off and look like a bad ass)
* Yes I am scarring (I can look after my skin best I can)
* Yes I am short (I can dress taller [look it up], improve my posture)
* Yes I am everything bad I say I am
* Yes I have not be laid for ages
* Yes I have done thousands of approaches

But I am still going to go after her.

Acceptance does not mean defeat. Accept what you can’t change and go after what you want for your life.

And no it wont be easy…It will probably be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. For me it’s turned into my greatest challenge ever. I’ve got the education, good paying job, few good friends (want more), but this whole woman thing is something that still pervades me. It’s my greatest ever challenge facing all my inner demons, my own body issues, self doubting and low self esteem. This facing up is very scary, because I have to face these demons and part of me really does not want to. But I’m fucking fighting this because I WANT IT…I WANT HER…I DERSERVE HER…

AND SO DO YOU!

Francis

Bryan says:

Hey I really appreciate your time on this.

I am fighting this but I had another dubious weekend. Its really rough. I really do not think women care as much about personality like they all say. Why would they? They want a good looking mate rigth? Why not? We think because we are taugh all kinds of material that we can overcome it? I am really in serious doubt. Nothing Eric, Brad P or anyone I have learned from can overcome my situation. I am really beginning to believe this is all a scam. All for money. I have been at this since 2007 and have done thousands of sets. Thats lunacy if you think about it. I have yet to successfully get a good date out of it.

Thanks for your help my friend and I wish you luck.

Francis says:

Hey Bryan,

if you think this is all a scam for money, you’ve been at this for years now and nothing can ever come good for you no matter what you do. Then the greatest advice I can ever give you is to:

GIVE UP NOW
STOP LOOKING FOR WOMEN
STOP TRYING TO GET WOMEN
STOP READING PUA MATERIAL
STOP BUYING SEDUCTION MATERIAL OR BOOTCAMPS
STOP READING THIS BLOG
GIVE IT ALL UP

This is the only thing you can do now, since the belief is so firm that you will not get women. Let it go. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Take a deep breath and surrender to your loss. Let it all go.

Since you have this strong belief then it’s a contradiction to do anything about it.

I may sound a little mean, but I mean this with all honesty. This is what I would do myself if I firmly believed that it will never work for me. I’d give it all up and stop trying because with this belief anything I do, wont work anyway.

But to be honest, even though it’s taking me ages and I’m not getting anything, I too had a miserable weekend. I believe I deserve it. So I’m gonna die trying. One day this will happen for me!

But give up Bryan, it’s easier in the long run.

Good luck

Francis

Kris says:

Hey, Bryan

Take a listen to the podcast Eric did with Kelvin.

Can I ask how you define an attractive women?

Kris

swgr says:

Francis is definitely right.. I’m gonna tell you this Bryan. Many times i’ve thought about quitting myself. And not to be cocky but I’m tall, good hair, clear skin. Once I was walking through a shopping center and they pulled me aside to do a runway show that night..paid me a nice amount of cash too. I’m not a model because I’m super ultra shy but all my friends tell me I should get a portfolio and at least try. There isn’t one day that at least one girl, and sometimes guy, doesn’t give me a double glance or stare.
Buuuut, I still have crazy anxiety when meeting a new girl. I’ve ruined things before they even begin. Lately its been easier going out with average looking girls but I know I deserve better and I lose sleep thinking I should be fucking better looking girls.. But the victim attitude you’re taking is not the right way to go my friend. Look at ol dirty bastard, aka dirt mcgirt, RIP. That dude wasn’t nearly as good looking as brad Pitt or will smith. But did he ever complain? On the contrary, he named his girls by the days of the week he would fuck them. Come on man. Frankly I’m tired of guys complaining in here that they can’t get women. Its brings all of us down that are trying to sincerely improve. Try Eric’s method or apply for his coaching. But please be a little more. Positive when posting here dude. And stay up.

Bryan says:

I appreciate the note Swgr. Sorry you dont like the complaining but this is reality. I cant get women. I approach, I try online, I try all kinds of functions and stuff. I tried six approaches last night and they were all blowouts. So I am like 0 for some kind of hundred right now. How is that complaining? Its real and tangible.

I cannot help it but its been a real bad ride. Its not sugarcoated its real. Sorry to tell you the truth but I write on here for help. Its so funny how guys will say “just stop complaining and do more” well I am doing a ton and it has not worked. From my perspective until I find something that can steer me in the right direction, I have no idea if game works or not.

This is some good quality stuff. Best blog out there in my opinion!

farouk says:

thanks for the info:)

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