Seven Steps to Success at Parties

by Eric Disco
Dec 22

scott1It’s that time of year.

Office parties. Holiday parties. New Years. All kindsa parties.

Parties can be one of the best places to meet people, particularly cute women.

But for guys with anxiety, it’s not always the easiest thing in the world to go out and party.

Here are some tips to make things better for you.

1. Don’t underestimate the power of simply showing up. Woody Allen once said, “80 percent of success is just showing up.”

Always say yes to a party invitation, unless there’s a really good reason why you shouldn’t go. Chances are, that feeling that you don’t want to go is simply your anxiety nudging you to go home and do something anti-social rather than be among other people. The most important part of success is simply getting yourself there.

2. Stick Around. There’s a tendency to want to leave a party if things aren’t “happening.” But part of this, as I’ve talked about before, is getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

Amazing things can happen if you just chill out and stay around even if it’s not super fun in the moment. Yes it’s awkward, but don’t worry, it’s awkward for everyone. That’s why people get drunk. Sometimes weathering the boring moments of the party reaps amazing benefits.

3. It’s okay to hang back. Don’t feel like you constantly need to be doing “something” all the time. It’s okay to hang out and sip your drink, even if you aren’t in a conversation with someone. Contributing every once in a while is okay. Don’t take the world on your shoulders. Hang out for a bit and see what develops.

4. Stand near people. This seems a bit silly, but when you think about it, it is one of the easiest yet most important things. Don’t hang out alone by the food tray for long. Go over and stand next to a group of people. Just hang out. You don’t have to even open conversation, just be physically part of the group. This makes you seem social, even if you aren’t really doing anything.

scott25. Look at whoever is talking. Eye contact is huge. When you are standing near people, you don’t have to do all the talking. But you do have to look at whoever is talking.

It’s okay to look around at the party, but if you are staring down at your drink rather than looking people in the eye, you will come across as awkward and anti-social. Your default should be to look at whoever is talking. As they say, interested is interesting. Simply looking at people when they’re talking makes you seem social.

6. Get other people talking. Instead of trying to entertain people and trying to win them over, focus on getting other people talking.

You can ask people: “How do you know the host of the party?” “Have any travel plans for the holidays?” “Are you getting anything good for Christmas?” “What are you doing for New Years?”

7. Talk with everyone, not just attractive women. I love meeting attractive women. But don’t fall into the trap of only talking to attractive women.

Women are attracted to confidence. You can display just as much confidence, initiative and leadership by having fun with people NEAR her as doing that with her. If you can talk to anyone in the place, it will be that much easier once you do start talking to attractive women.

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posted in Social Circle

COMMENTS
14 responses
Francis says:

Thanks Eric, I needed a post like this right about now.

Good stuff!

[...] Eric Disco – “Seven Steps to Success at Parties” [...]

Willy says:

Have to agree with the Woody Allen observation 80% of it is showing up. It you don’t attend or partake in something then its already doomed. But having a go at least you are giving youself a chance.

Anyway checkout my blog for sarging madness:

http://bill-pualondon.blogspot.com/

Neil says:

Get the eff outta the house!!!! Show up!!

Mark02 says:

Awesome article. I’m never invited to parties though, and this article seems to address smaller, more intimate parties that say, a friend might host at his or her place. I don’t have much of a social circle at all, so I wouldn’t know if such things came up…any tips for getting invited/finding small intimate parties to go to?

Ocean says:

@Martin: Start with hosting small parties yourself and invite whoever you know. Give them a good time and without any direct expectations, they’ll start inviting you over and you can get to expand your social circle from there on.

Having a large social circle is very attractive to women.

Mark02 says:

I don’t know people, so there’s no one to invite. And my living situation is unacceptable, so I can’t bring people over to my place.

Dan says:

Saying you never get invited to parties is a victim mentality. fuck that. invite yourself. make one person parties. just make your life satisfying because thats the ultimate goal. go make friends. and unless you live in a box. your living situation is acceptable if you make it acceptable to yourself.

Eric Disco says:

Hey Mark,

A couple of things you can do. First of all, focus on individual relationships. Parties are fun but they are not the end all be all of your social life. They’re not even the tip of the iceberg. Having close friends is far more important. Start by finding individuals you can go out with and then build from there.

The second step, once you do have a number of close friends, is to try and get them together. You can host your own parties, but you want to start small. See if you can get two or three people together.

Whenever I have a party, it starts small. For my last birthday party, I asked a few of my friends if they would be available on a certain night. A few said yes. One of my friends offered her place for the “party.” But it was initially just going to be a small gathering of a couple people. I didn’t know how many would turn out because it was really close to the holidays. But even though a number of people couldn’t come, it ended up being a really great party.

I’ve also “helped” my friends throw parties. If one of my friends has an idea for a party, I’ll invite a bunch of my friends. I’ll support them. I’ll at least promise to come out and see if I can get a few of my friends to come out.

So again, the best way to start is to find and fortify your individual personal relationships with people first. That’s the most important thing anyway. And then you can build small, intimate parties into larger parties from there.

Oh, and if you do want to throw a party, you can just as easily do it in a bar if you don’t have the space for it. Yes, having a party at a house or an apartment is better in my opinion. But I don’t have a space that’s big enough for a party. So you have to find other options.

Eric

Mark02 says:

Thanks Eric, appreciate it man. What in your opinion is a good way to deepen my relationships with people? I can figure out ways to meet cool people, but whenever I have a budding friendship it seems to either fizzle out or stay superficial.

James says:

@ Mark

Try to share something personal with the person that you’re trying to get closer to. Generally, that will make them feel more comfortable to share something personal about him or herself. It seems in my experiences that relationships are maintained and deepened by that “give and take” interaction.

Anders says:

I love your mindset about being comfortable with uncomfortable. Thats very important stuff.

But I have to disagree with #4, because I see guys doing this at every party I attend. I see chumps just hanging around the group, trying to fit in, laughing to every lame joke someone makes, oversmiling, not talking much etc.
I made the same mistakes back in the day. I just tryed to be a nice guy everyone likes to be with. 95% of people are that way, no-one actually wants to take the responsibility of being in charge. But you have to be able to run solo if you want to become real successful with women. Just eject the group and approach that 2set of cute girls who have been waiting all night for a guy like you to come over and save them from feeling awkward. Now youre standing out, while other needy guys try to fit in. Youre with two hot girls. Thats called social proof my man. Nice!

Mark02 says:

@ James

Thanks. I don’t know what to open up about, and I’m a pretty private person, but I’ll keep that in mind. I really do want deeper friendships.

Hal says:

@Mark02
It is crucial to have some hobbies/pursuits that help to make to make you a more interesting and well rounded person. They give you an avenue to meet people and additional stuff to talk about when you meet strangers. Also women love it when you talk about your interests with passion.

Also here is a site with great advice on how to meet people and make friends:
http://www.succeedsocially.com/index.html

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