When You Feel You Don’t Have Enough to Offer
by 
Eric Disco
I was out with a client recently and we spotted a very hot girl.
I asked him what he was feeling when he thought about talking to her.
“What could I possibly have to offer her?” he said to me.
It is one of the biggest components of approach anxiety.
You get an overwhelming feeling that this woman in front of you somehow has more intrinsic value than you.
You are looking at her through the lens of attraction.
And it’s easy to assume that her life is more interesting than yours. If she is gorgeous, she probably gets A LOT of doors opened to her.
Maybe she goes to exciting parties. Maybe rich handsome studs take her sailing in the Carribean. Or she goes on helicopter rides around New York City with celebrities like P Diddy.
Gorgeous women always seem to have a lot of options.
If you date models and actresses, it seems that guys are always coming up to them and talking to them.
It seems that they could go out on dates every night of the week and get laid three times a day if they wanted to.
But there is also another interesting phenomenon about beautiful women which is tricky to see unless you hang around them a lot and see some of their interactions.
Men are constantly kissing their asses.
In some sense, this may make you feel even more disempowered that a rich, handsome dude would kiss this girls ass.
But for her it’s BORING.
She doesn’t get very many guys who CHALLENGE her.
She doesn’t get very many guys who can walk up to her and confidently interact with her without kissing her ass.
And of the guys that do have the balls to talk to her, most of them don’t really know how to appreciate her for her, to really understand how to make her feel unique and special.
Women are attracted to men everywhere. But we men tend to see women as the end-all-be-all.
“Holy fuck, she’s so hot! I want to marry that girl!”
Of course, we forget about her when another hotty walks along, but most guys tend to be very overwhelmed by their feelings.
Women tend to view all of these hot guys walking around as mere possibilities.
And when they’ve seen the retardation spew from these guys’ mouths, they lose more and more interest in any of these possibilities.
They don’t even bother with most of them. They don’t give them a chance.
What makes you different from those guys? What do you have to “offer” her?
The frame of that question implies that the value you bring to her is based primarily on your access to fun, glamorous parties.
Or extravagent vacations.
Or the famous, powerful people you know.
When in reality, what you offer is the conversation you are having with her right there in the moment.
If you can be playful, or challenge her or see something that nobody else can see, you have thrown down the trump card.
Yes, having a life is the foundation for having the women you want in your life.
But don’t let your attraction for her distort the way you view your own life. You’ll end up thinking that your passion isn’t glamorous enough for her.
If you love your life, she can love it too. That’s all the value you need to bring to the interaction.
If you try to impress her with things, you will bore her to tears. Instead you should get her to try and impress you.
Focus on the moment at hand and enjoy it as much as you possibly can. Find out what’s great about her life. See if she qualifies for you.
See if she’s good enough to be part of your life.
Posted in Attraction, Ramp Up | 
13 Comments »
I’m done wasting time with girls who have nothing else to offer but a pretty face. Approach, interact, assess, then it’s either continue or eject.
“See if she’s good enough to be part of your life.”
Very well said Eric,
Thanks,
Good stuff Eric. As always. You articulate the subtleties like nobody else!
Hey Eric, this question isn’t related to your current post, but I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while.
What type of habit should I create to get consistent with approaching girls? There are days where I just don’t feel like going out, and I know what I really need to do is create my own inertia and go out anyway. But I don’t really have a strategy. Should I go out and approach a target number of girls or go out for a certain amount of time each day/etc? Do you have any suggestions?
I’m pretty sure you’ve written a post about this subject, but I can’t find it.
Thanks,
Chris
Aaaaaaah Chris, thank you for asking that…EXACTLY my thoughts. Can’t wait for Eric’s response.
A few recommendations:
To turn this into a habit, you should try to go out the same time every day. Also, after scouting some different locations, you may want to go to the same high-traffic locations every day.
Yes, having a target number of girls to approach every day is a good idea. I would start with a very small, manageable number, even if that seems too easy. It’s so easy in your mind to think “I’m gonna approach ten women” because you want to get past your anxiety quickly. But that leads to failure. I would start out just going out every day, not even doing approaches per se and work up to it.
If I haven’t gone out for a while and I feel rusty, the first step is to always just get out there without putting any pressure on myself.
Eric
Great post Eric.
I just wanted to add that guys need to be ready for a shocker when they finally start learning how to approach and interact with beautiful women: many of them are BORING and don’t have much to offer. I’m not saying this to be negative, but to let you know that while you’re sitting there wondering if you’re good enough for her, often you’ll find out that the hot girl you’ve been drooling over is a complete waste of your time. No matter how uninteresting or worthless you think you are, do not discredit the value you can bring to someone else’s life or think you aren’t good enough for anything. I learned that the hard way.
“Men are constantly kissing their asses.”
Excellent point.
And guys with Game can use this to their advantage.
- MPM
this is great, usually with HB10′s i have a very hard time not looking thru the attraction lens. one of my tricks is to imagine if she was to look like a guy, what kinda of guy would she look like?
makes a perfect neg too.
OK, I asked a Slovak model whose friend I was getting physical with how many guys approached her in the disco in a night. She was surely stunning. She said usually only 1, except when in Italy when it was 5! So even the hotties may be desiring more attention from prospective princes.
Wow… great article. It is SOOOOO true. Once you learn to provide women with the Emotion Stimulating conversation that they’re CRAVING for… you find that it replaces the need for:
– good looks
– money
– great career
– social status
– lots of friends
– etc
Great article Eric but I have a different perspective. I have hung out with “the pretty crowd” and they do think differently. Very hot women do have guys challenge them. I have seen it time and time again. They also have guys kissing their asses but they get so addicted to it that they except it.
There is a great movie called “Fall” with Eric Schaefer about a taxi cab driver that has an affair with a top model. Yes he fills her emotional cravings but she goes back to her husband (she is separated from him) because she needs that life again. Having lived in NYC, London and now back in the US these women get used to it and if you dont have that boat or toy for the weekend, no amount of emotional stimulation is going to replace it.
So do we really have any thing to offer them? Perhaps there are your exceptions but from 40 years on this planet and having known quite a few of them….it does not happen that often….
Yes this is insightful but I do agree that many of these women like having their “asses kissed.” Eric if you can prove me wrong, then great but I have seen alot of really hot women really enjoy the attention that comes from men hanging around them and playing up their egos. Just try and pickup a really hot chick in a club and most of the time its either the pretty boy, the jerk or the high status dude (money) that gets them.
Naturals who do not fear hot women thinks this way; wow she’s hot, she needs to have fun with me because I’m a guy. Whether he can get her or not is different matter, but at least those guys do not think so highly of those girls except that they need a man as other not so hot girls. Because I want to get hot chicks and I want to adopt that mentality as well. It is the only way. Great boxers never think of losing their next big fight. Never think negative. She blows off .. move on. One of my natural friends once told me, “Gentlemen don’t remember things that happened with women”. I still have A.A when I go up to hot chicks, but as I replay that mind set over and over in my head and I do more approaches, I feel better I find.