How Can You Keep Up With Her?

by Eric Disco
Jul 6

Sometimes you meet a woman who seems to have a very exciting life.

Perhaps she’s young and likes to party.

Or she rubs elbows with famous people.

Or she’s very successful at what she does.

And in a lot of ways it seems impossible to compete.

A few weeks ago I met a girl at a coffee shop. We ended up back at my place that day.

We got really intimate and had a great time.

The next day she left for a week to go to LA for a video premier.

She was a model and was in a video for some famous rock band.

The day after the video premier she calls me up and tells me about it.

She tells me how glitzy this party was with paparazzi and cameras and the red carpet and afterparties and famous people hitting on her and her ex-boyfriend there and how she almost fell in her high heels and how hot she looked in her dress and how she shouldn’t have gotten so drunk and what a crazy time she was having.

And then she asks me how my weekend was.

What did I do over the weekend? I went to visit my sister in Washington DC. She is married and had a baby a few months ago.

What did we do? Well hardly anything.

What do you do with a baby? We went for a walk through the suburbs.

So, here she was with her super crazy weekend.

And there I was with the least crazy weekend you can possibly imagine.

For a moment I was thinking in my head “How can I possibly compete with what she did?”

Instead, I reframed it. I talked about how amazing my weekend was.

“My weekend was amazing. My nephew is so cute! Oh my god, it was so nice to get away from the city! It was so relaxing!”

“We went for a walk through the woods and we really got to connect with each other. I really don’t get to see her enough. I am so glad I went.”

The reframe. If you look at it through her lense, like she’s the coolest thing out there and it’s impossible to compete, you will lose.

Stop trying to compete.

Instead, turn it around, she will see things from your point of view.

Be confident in your lifestyle and how you’ve chosen to live it.

Would I have liked to have gone to a video premier in LA? Hell yeah! Sounds like fun. But I can also express to her how much I appreciate the life I’ve chosen to live.

In this way, I pull her into my world instead of me drowning in hers.

This doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate her world. I certainly do. I must be able to appreciate her or there’s no sense in knowing her.

And I’m not trying to one-up her and always follow-up her stories with my own stories. I really listen to her.

But I am constantly showing her how great my world is.

And in that way I challenge her.

In that way, she starts to question whether she has enough going for her to be around me instead of the other way round.

This is my world, baby. See if you can keep up in it.

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posted in Rapport Skills

COMMENTS
6 responses
Features says:

I just got out of a similar relationship. In the beginning I would continuously question myself, wondering how I was going to keep up. In the end I chose to be proud of my lifestyle and never let anyone else decide for me what is cool or uncool. In the end, she was the one that couldn’t keep up.

I am now happy.

ck says:

I’m in a simalar relationship with a girl who has led a very exotic life and has hundreds of great stories. I figured from the first date that there is no way I can compete with her on that level. So I changed the game. I told her it’s nice that I don’t have to be the one telling all the entertaining stories. I just can sit back and listen. I told her so on the first date. I also made her pay. So I turned tables with her in these aspects and switched our gender roles. I even commented on it “usually the man has to … but i can just sit back and listen. that’s great.”. I was still trying to be an arrogant prick in all other aspects as best as I could.

Ah yes, we’re still seeing each other and she has become my sex slave. ;)

isidro1104 says:

Great Post Eric…..this is an issue that Im trying to work on….Sometime I see these type of women and Just Feel inferior… Like I dont have a Chance with them… How could I compete with that life style with the type of guys she meets in her daily life… I see myself and feel I dont Have Much to offer…. I know Its mostly My inner issues… And Im Working On ways to take care of them…..

TBW says:

Great post. All of this seems so obvious now that someone else has spelled if out like this

Wim says:

I don’t think this IS a reframe. It’s indeed a cool weekend, with different low points and high points than her weekend.
But then again, I think that is what your saying too :)

Wim

Mark says:

This thing is all in your head and makes it almost impossible to get with her thinking like this I’ve found

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