The Importance of Looks to Women

by Eric Disco
Jun 4

A while ago, I was out to dinner with a really hot girl I was seeing.

I asked her a question.

“How important are looks to women?”

“Have you ever dated a guy that wasn’t as hot as me?” I said with a wink.

She started talking about a previous guy she’d dated, a “friend” of hers she described as a natural…

“This guy was not so great in the looks department,” she said, “But he walks into bars like he’s the hottest guy in there.

And everyone buys it.

They’re like “That’s the hottest guy in the whole bar!”

He’s got a huge red-haired Irish afro and is pasty and white and short and probably could drink less beer and work out more.

I’m being honest. He would agree with me.

But he has no qualms about how he looks. He’s 100% confident about who he is.

Things that someone describe in him as unattractive, he didn’t worry about those things.

He’s so confident about how he looks, it isn’t even something you think about.

He’ll wear plaid suits into bars and still everyone wants to talk to him.

He doesn’t care.

It’s how he carries himself.

He’s not gorgeous but he carries himself in a way that reads as drop-dead model gorgeous.

He has amazing posture. It’s very look-at-me posture, like I’m not afraid for you to look at me.

At no point does he ever apologize with his body.

It’s open.

It’s confident.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cross his arms in his entire life. He’s wide open.

He puts his hands out in the air all the time. He’s just incredibly confident with his body.

The way he interacts with people is incredible. He’s really good at picking on people in a way that makes them want to talk to him more.

I think that’s the biggest thing that makes him hot. He’s not afraid. He doesn’t care.

One time, we were in this shitty shitty neighborhood. And he parked his car and bumped the car behind us and the car in front of us.

There were all these thugs on the corner. And they were like “You just hit my car!”

I was thinking, oh god, we’re going to get shot.

And he yells “That’s what bumpers are for!”

And they’re all like “Heh heh heh, that’s funny! You wanna hang out!”

I was like, what just happened?

The way he said it wasn’t like ¡Æoops, my bad,’ it was like ¡ÆNo damage was done, whatever.’

We were in an elevator once and he started talking to this woman with a baby. At first she was nervous.

But by the time we got to the ground floor she was holding the elevator to keep talking to him.

He just really enjoys talking to people. He just likes learning things about strangers.

He’s actually interested in people, and because of that they’re like ‘cool!’ and flattered and they want to talk to him.

He’s great with women. He’s a real ladies man. All the girls love him. They’re all about it.

As much as he’s a big baller in the bar, he’s also just really funny and chill.

He could always keep things light and fun but wasn’t afraid of having a serious conversation.

A lot of guys are scared of their emotions. But with him, if he felt a way about something, he would let you know, even if it were something that was upsetting to him.

He could be incredibly sincere without trying to be sincere. The people who were his friends were like ¡ÆThat’s the guy to go to.’”

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posted in Attraction

COMMENTS
11 responses
Cool says:

Fantastic! I want to be like that guy! Where do i begin?

[...] Here is a great post he just posted. [...]

Social says:

sounds like this girl was more into this guy than you mate! lol jk

noone noone says:

How do you turn into that guy?

I think that one of the reasons that I am so anxious about things is that I’m too concerned with myself – my image as perceived by people, my embarrassments, my looks, my way of speaking. How does one become naturally “actually interested in people”.

Recently, I’ve been trying to actively stay interested in others while putting myself aside. The way I do it is just by mentally reminding myself that the other person should take the spotlight in the conversation. Sometimes it feels like I turn the “conversation” into an “interview” though. Its stressful! What am I doing wrong?!

Docter says:

@Noone Noone

Rather than putting the spotlight on the other person, have a normal conversation.

The idea of generally being interested in someone vs. not is a little confusing.

The conversation for both beliefs is the same. A person who is NOT interested asks questions to progress the interaction. A person who IS interested asks questions and understands and learns about the person he/she is talking to. They both act the same, its how you encode and handle the information that someone is giving you that determines whether or not you’re actually interested.

Eric Disco says:

Recently, I’ve been trying to actively stay interested in others while putting myself aside. The way I do it is just by mentally reminding myself that the other person should take the spotlight in the conversation. Sometimes it feels like I turn the “conversation” into an “interview” though. Its stressful! What am I doing wrong?!

Showing genuine interest in her is one of the most important things you can do. That’s why asking questions and truly listening to the person is so important.

However, it can start to feel too intense if you ask too many questions in a row. She feels like she is being interrogated under a bright light.

In order to make the interaction feel more two-way, you want to share something about yourself.

A good rule of thumb is to ask no more than two questions before making a brief statement or sharing something about yourself.

You: “Where are you from?”
Her: “California.”
You: “Where in California?”
Her: “San Francisco.”
You: “I love San Francisco. I was just there last summer on a boat ride. Where in San Francisco?”

So if you had just said “Where in San Francisco” instead of interjecting a statement about yourself, it would start to feel like an interview and get too intense.

By sharing something, making a statement, you take the pressure off her. It allows her to keep talking about herself or, if she’s more comfortable, ask you questions about you.

Ideally the conversation will be someone even. You will talk and share 50% of the time, and she will as well. There will be times when that is very uneven, when you are telling a story or she is, but for the most part, you want to be revealing things about yourself and pacing that so that each of you is opening up and sharing.

Keep in mind, that particularly at the beginning of the conversation you don’t want to throw a ton of info at her either, because you talking too much and her not talking at all is just as bad, probably worse.

At the beginning, you are better off throwing out brief statements and seeing where it goes.

Eric

docter says:

@Eric

I completely agree with your post except the last line, which confuses me.

The beginning of an interaction is usually the most difficult to progress through (for me at least) and to get momentum going. By saying brief statements at the start, i feel as if you dont set the ball rolling.

Or, could you just provide an example to prove me wrong ;]

Eric Disco says:

I completely agree with your post except the last line, which confuses me.

The beginning of an interaction is usually the most difficult to progress through (for me at least) and to get momentum going. By saying brief statements at the start, i feel as if you dont set the ball rolling.

Or, could you just provide an example to prove me wrong ;]

You want to pace how much you share with how much she shares at the beginning.

You can lead her by sharing a little bit more, but if you launch into a long story without first talking to her for a little bit, it will seem like it’s coming out of no where.

The intention in sharing something is to get her to share.

The example from before would be the correct way to do it.

You: “Where are you from?”
Her: “California.”
You: “Where in California?”
Her: “San Francisco.”
You: “I love San Francisco. I was just there last summer on a boat ride. Where in San Francisco?”

The wrong way to do it would be like this.

You: “Where are you from?”
Her: “California.”
You: “Where in California?”
Her: “San Francisco.”
You: “I love San Francisco. I was just there last summer on a boat ride. It was really amazing. We sailed around the bay. It was windy but really nice and relaxing. Then we stopped on this island and had a barbecue. We stayed there until the sun went down. I couldn’t believe how much fun it was. But on the way back it started to rain. That’s one of the drawbacks of San Francisco! Where in San Francisco do you live?”

If this were a few minutes into the conversation, it might not be so bad. But if this were one of the first things you talked about, sharing all that information at the beginning would make her LESS likely to share things about herself. It is just as bad as asking too many questions.

Eric

Paul says:

What if you don’t want to be the center of attention all the time? What if you just like being laid back and shooting the shit?

People who are naturally the opposite of this guy are forced to emulate his qualities? They can’t accept the way they are like this guy accepts the way he looks?

If you have to spend every waking moment acting like someone you aren’t, then what the hell is the point?

Eric Disco says:

What if you don’t want to be the center of attention all the time? What if you just like being laid back and shooting the shit?

People who are naturally the opposite of this guy are forced to emulate his qualities? They can’t accept the way they are like this guy accepts the way he looks?

If you have to spend every waking moment acting like someone you aren’t, then what the hell is the point?

Great point.

The idea isn’t that you necessarily have to be the center of attention everywhere you go. I don’t even like to go to bars much, and when I do, I am usually connecting with my friends rather than chatting up the entire room.

But I could if I wanted to. I am comfortable with it. Even during the day, I walk through the center of the room. I have gotten comfortable with people looking at me, with being the center of attention.

In a lot of ways, attraction can be understood as attention. If you can’t generate positive attention toward yourself, it is difficult to be seen as attractive. Charisma is closely tied in to leadership and taking initiative.

A lack of confidence translates into a tendency to hide, to not want to be seen, to take up less space, to not take initiative, to speak quietly, to not return eye contact, to doubt your own actions, to be afraid of conflict. As you get more comfortable being seen, you become more attractive.

People are more comfortable looking at you because you are more comfortable being seen.

You can do all this stuff without going to bars and chatting up the entire room. You can do this in places that you enjoy. You can do it socially while doing other hobbies. Or you can just go to quieter places and learn how to take initiative.

The confusing thing about ‘naturals’ is that it’s not specifically what those naturals are doing per se, that is attractive. The fact that a natural doesn’t give a fuck and will wear plaid suits doesn’t mean that you should wear plaid suits. It means that he is comfortable expressing who he is. He lets his personality through.

Becoming confident is about learning to express who you are, not who somebody else is. There are certain behaviors, specifically charismatic confident behaviors that will allow you to display who you are. That’s what we’re going for here.

Eric

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